(no subject)
It really has been a decade since I've last been here. This blog was locked because I was afraid of Jordan reading it. I kicked him out of my life so long ago and I have healed and grown more than I ever dreamed possible. Coming back and reading all of this though has been painful.
The child who wrote these entries was so sick and lost and hurt. It's upsetting to read about this child struggling and being so confused, why couldn't they just keep a job? Why were they always so angry? Why couldn't they connect with anyone properly? Why did everything hurt them so much? Why did they always hate themselves so much? Why were they so fucking suicidal?
There are memories here that I'd forgotten too. Memories about people and things. But mostly I never realized how amazing the friends I had on here were, I was so lost in my own shit that I never realized I had real friends here who were concerned about me. I wish everyone who read all those rambling posts or was relieved to see me update could know that it means so much to me to know that they cared at all. I was too deep in back then to see anything around me but I'm reading comments that are still there and I'm seeing things that I missed. I really had some people that gave a shit I was just so sick I didn't see it.
Being diagnosed with bipolar 2 and bpd, getting my meds right, it all really helped me. I mean I still have problems holding a job but I'm in college trying to finish that up. I feel hopeful about that. I feel hopeful about a lot of things.
It's funny reading through these entries I can see the depressive and manic episodes. I can see the rage splits. I can see the anger problems and me hyperfixating on things. And we used to party all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. jfc.
[X] Rocky Horror Picture Show
[X] Grease
[X] Pirates of the Caribbean
[X] Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
[ ] Boondock Saints
[X] Fight Club
[X] Starsky and Hutch
[X] The Neverending Story
[ ] Blazing Saddles
[ ] Airplane
Total: 7
[X] The Princess Bride
[X] Anchorman
[X] Napoleon Dynamite
[X] Labyrinth
[X] Saw
[ ] Saw II
[X] White Noise
[ ] White Oleander
[X] Anger Management
[ ] 50 First Dates
[X] The Princess Diaries
[X] The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 16
[ ] Scream
[ ] Scream 2
[ ] Scream 3
[X] Scary Movie
[ ] Scary Movie 2
[ ] Scary Movie 3
[ ] Scary Movie 4
[ ] American Pie
[ ] American Pie 2
[ ] American Wedding
[ ] American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17
[X] Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
[X] Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
[X] Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
[X] Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
[X] Resident Evil
[ ] Resident Evil: Apocalypse
[ ] The Wedding Singer
[ ] Little Black Book
[X] The Village
[X] Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 18
[X] Finding Nemo
[X] Finding Neverland
[X] Signs
[X] The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
[X] Texas Chainsaw Massacre
[ ] Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
[X] White Chicks
[X] Butterfly Effect
[X] 13 Going on 30
[X]I, Robot
[X] Robots
Total so far: 28
[X] Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
[ ] Universal Soldier
[X] Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events
[ ] Along Came Polly
[ ] Deep Impact
[ ] KingPin
[ ] Never Been Kissed
[ ] Meet The Parents
[ ] Meet the Fockers
[ ] Eight Crazy Nights
[X] Joe Dirt
[ ] KING KONG
Total so far: 31
[X] A Cinderella Story
[ ] The Terminal
[X] The Lizzie McGuire Movie
[ ] Passport to Paris
[ ] Dumb & Dumber
[ ] Dumber & Dumberer
[ ] Final Destination
[ ] Final Destination 2
[ ] Final Destination 3
[X] Halloween
[ ] The Ring
[ ] The Ring 2
[ ] Surviving X-MAS
[X] Flubber
Total so far: 35
[ ] Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
[X] Practical Magic
[X] Chicago
[X] Ghost Ship
[ ] From Hell
[X] Hellboy
[X] Secret Window
[ ] I Am Sam
[ ] The Whole Nine Yards
[ ] The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 40
[X] The Day After Tomorrow
[X] Child's Play
[ ] Seed of Chucky
[ ] Bride of Chucky
[ ] Ten Things I Hate About You
[ ] Just Married
[X] Gothika
[X] Nightmare on Elm Street
[X] Sixteen Candles
[X] Remember the Titans
[X] Coach Carter
[ ] The Grudge
[ ] The Grudge 2
[X] The Mask
[ ] Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 48
[ ] Bad Boys
[ ] Bad Boys 2
[ ] Joy Ride
[ ] Lucky Number Slevin
[X] Ocean's Eleven
[X] Ocean's Twelve
[ ] Bourne Identity
[ ] Bourne Supremacy
[ ] Lone Star
[ ] Bedazzled
[ ] Predator I
[ ] Predator II
[ ] The Fog
[X] Ice Age
[X] Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
[ ] Curious George
Total so far: 52
[ ] Independence Day
[ ] Cujo
[ ] A Bronx Tale
[ ] Darkness Falls
[ ] Christine
[X] ET
[X] Children of the Corn
[ ] My Boss's Daughter
[ ] Maid in Manhattan
[X] War of the Worlds
[ ] Rush Hour
[ ] Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 55
[ ] Best Bet
[X] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
[X] She's All That
[ ] Calendar Girls
[X] Sideways
[X] Mars Attacks
[ ] Event Horizon
[ ] Ever After
[X] Wizard of Oz
[X] Forrest Gump
[ ] Big Trouble in Little China
[ ] The Terminator
[ ] The Terminator 2
[ ] The Terminator 3
Total so far: 61
[X] X-Men
[X] X-2: X-Men United
[X] X-Men: The Last Stand
[X] Spider-Man
[X] Spider-Man 2
[X] Sky High
[X] Jeepers Creepers
[X] Jeepers Creepers 2
[ ] Catch Me If You Can
[X] The Little Mermaid
[X] Freaky Friday
[ ] Reign of Fire
[ ] The Skulls
[X] Cruel Intentions
[ ] Cruel Intentions 2
[X] The Hot Chick
[X] Shrek
[X] Shrek 2
[ ] Swimfan
[X] Miracle on 34th street
[X] Old School
[X] The Notebook
[ ] K-Pax
[ ] Krippendorf's Tribe
[X] A Walk to Remember
[ ] Ice Castles
[X] Boogeyman
[ ] The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 80
[X] Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
[X] Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
[X] Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
[ ] Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
[ ] Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
[ ] Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 83
[ ] Baseketball
[X] Hostel
[ ] Waiting for Guffman
[X] House of 1000 Corpses
[X] Devils Rejects
[X] Elf
[ ] Highlander
[X] Mothman Prophecies
[ ] American History X
[ ] Three
Total so Far: 88
[ ] The Jackel
[ ] Kung Fu Hustle
[ ] Shaolin Soccer
[ ] Night Watch
[X] Monsters Inc.
[ ] Titanic
[X] Monty Python and the Holy Grail
[X] Shaun Of the Dead
[ ] Willard
Total so far: 91
[ ] High Tension
[ ] Club Dread
[X] Hulk
[X] Dawn Of the Dead
[X] Hook
[X] Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
[X] 28 days later
[ ] Orgazmo
[ ] Phantasm
[ ] Waterworld
Total so far: 96
[ ] Kill Bill Vol. 1
[ ] Kill Bill Vol. 2
[ ] Mortal Kombat
[ ] Wolf Creek
[X] Kingdom of Heaven
[X] The Hills Have Eyes
[ ] I Spit on Your Grave (aka the Day of the Woman)
[ ] The Last House on the Left
[ ] Re-Animator
[X] Army of Darkness
Total so far: 99
[X] Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
[X] Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
[X] Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
[X] Star Wars: A New Hope
[X] Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
[X] Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
[ ] Ewoks: Caravan Of Courage
[ ] Ewoks: The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 105
[X] The Matrix
[X] The Matrix Reloaded
[X] The Matrix Revolutions
[ ] Animatrix
[X] Evil Dead
[X] Evil Dead 2
[ ] Team America: World Police
[ ] Red Dragon
[X] Silence of the Lambs
[X] Hannibal
Total: 112
The child who wrote these entries was so sick and lost and hurt. It's upsetting to read about this child struggling and being so confused, why couldn't they just keep a job? Why were they always so angry? Why couldn't they connect with anyone properly? Why did everything hurt them so much? Why did they always hate themselves so much? Why were they so fucking suicidal?
There are memories here that I'd forgotten too. Memories about people and things. But mostly I never realized how amazing the friends I had on here were, I was so lost in my own shit that I never realized I had real friends here who were concerned about me. I wish everyone who read all those rambling posts or was relieved to see me update could know that it means so much to me to know that they cared at all. I was too deep in back then to see anything around me but I'm reading comments that are still there and I'm seeing things that I missed. I really had some people that gave a shit I was just so sick I didn't see it.
Being diagnosed with bipolar 2 and bpd, getting my meds right, it all really helped me. I mean I still have problems holding a job but I'm in college trying to finish that up. I feel hopeful about that. I feel hopeful about a lot of things.
It's funny reading through these entries I can see the depressive and manic episodes. I can see the rage splits. I can see the anger problems and me hyperfixating on things. And we used to party all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. jfc.
[X] Rocky Horror Picture Show
[X] Grease
[X] Pirates of the Caribbean
[X] Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
[ ] Boondock Saints
[X] Fight Club
[X] Starsky and Hutch
[X] The Neverending Story
[ ] Blazing Saddles
[ ] Airplane
Total: 7
[X] The Princess Bride
[X] Anchorman
[X] Napoleon Dynamite
[X] Labyrinth
[X] Saw
[ ] Saw II
[X] White Noise
[ ] White Oleander
[X] Anger Management
[ ] 50 First Dates
[X] The Princess Diaries
[X] The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 16
[ ] Scream
[ ] Scream 2
[ ] Scream 3
[X] Scary Movie
[ ] Scary Movie 2
[ ] Scary Movie 3
[ ] Scary Movie 4
[ ] American Pie
[ ] American Pie 2
[ ] American Wedding
[ ] American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17
[X] Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
[X] Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
[X] Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
[X] Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
[X] Resident Evil
[ ] Resident Evil: Apocalypse
[ ] The Wedding Singer
[ ] Little Black Book
[X] The Village
[X] Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 18
[X] Finding Nemo
[X] Finding Neverland
[X] Signs
[X] The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
[X] Texas Chainsaw Massacre
[ ] Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
[X] White Chicks
[X] Butterfly Effect
[X] 13 Going on 30
[X]I, Robot
[X] Robots
Total so far: 28
[X] Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
[ ] Universal Soldier
[X] Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events
[ ] Along Came Polly
[ ] Deep Impact
[ ] KingPin
[ ] Never Been Kissed
[ ] Meet The Parents
[ ] Meet the Fockers
[ ] Eight Crazy Nights
[X] Joe Dirt
[ ] KING KONG
Total so far: 31
[X] A Cinderella Story
[ ] The Terminal
[X] The Lizzie McGuire Movie
[ ] Passport to Paris
[ ] Dumb & Dumber
[ ] Dumber & Dumberer
[ ] Final Destination
[ ] Final Destination 2
[ ] Final Destination 3
[X] Halloween
[ ] The Ring
[ ] The Ring 2
[ ] Surviving X-MAS
[X] Flubber
Total so far: 35
[ ] Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
[X] Practical Magic
[X] Chicago
[X] Ghost Ship
[ ] From Hell
[X] Hellboy
[X] Secret Window
[ ] I Am Sam
[ ] The Whole Nine Yards
[ ] The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 40
[X] The Day After Tomorrow
[X] Child's Play
[ ] Seed of Chucky
[ ] Bride of Chucky
[ ] Ten Things I Hate About You
[ ] Just Married
[X] Gothika
[X] Nightmare on Elm Street
[X] Sixteen Candles
[X] Remember the Titans
[X] Coach Carter
[ ] The Grudge
[ ] The Grudge 2
[X] The Mask
[ ] Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 48
[ ] Bad Boys
[ ] Bad Boys 2
[ ] Joy Ride
[ ] Lucky Number Slevin
[X] Ocean's Eleven
[X] Ocean's Twelve
[ ] Bourne Identity
[ ] Bourne Supremacy
[ ] Lone Star
[ ] Bedazzled
[ ] Predator I
[ ] Predator II
[ ] The Fog
[X] Ice Age
[X] Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
[ ] Curious George
Total so far: 52
[ ] Independence Day
[ ] Cujo
[ ] A Bronx Tale
[ ] Darkness Falls
[ ] Christine
[X] ET
[X] Children of the Corn
[ ] My Boss's Daughter
[ ] Maid in Manhattan
[X] War of the Worlds
[ ] Rush Hour
[ ] Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 55
[ ] Best Bet
[X] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
[X] She's All That
[ ] Calendar Girls
[X] Sideways
[X] Mars Attacks
[ ] Event Horizon
[ ] Ever After
[X] Wizard of Oz
[X] Forrest Gump
[ ] Big Trouble in Little China
[ ] The Terminator
[ ] The Terminator 2
[ ] The Terminator 3
Total so far: 61
[X] X-Men
[X] X-2: X-Men United
[X] X-Men: The Last Stand
[X] Spider-Man
[X] Spider-Man 2
[X] Sky High
[X] Jeepers Creepers
[X] Jeepers Creepers 2
[ ] Catch Me If You Can
[X] The Little Mermaid
[X] Freaky Friday
[ ] Reign of Fire
[ ] The Skulls
[X] Cruel Intentions
[ ] Cruel Intentions 2
[X] The Hot Chick
[X] Shrek
[X] Shrek 2
[ ] Swimfan
[X] Miracle on 34th street
[X] Old School
[X] The Notebook
[ ] K-Pax
[ ] Krippendorf's Tribe
[X] A Walk to Remember
[ ] Ice Castles
[X] Boogeyman
[ ] The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 80
[X] Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
[X] Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
[X] Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
[ ] Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
[ ] Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
[ ] Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 83
[ ] Baseketball
[X] Hostel
[ ] Waiting for Guffman
[X] House of 1000 Corpses
[X] Devils Rejects
[X] Elf
[ ] Highlander
[X] Mothman Prophecies
[ ] American History X
[ ] Three
Total so Far: 88
[ ] The Jackel
[ ] Kung Fu Hustle
[ ] Shaolin Soccer
[ ] Night Watch
[X] Monsters Inc.
[ ] Titanic
[X] Monty Python and the Holy Grail
[X] Shaun Of the Dead
[ ] Willard
Total so far: 91
[ ] High Tension
[ ] Club Dread
[X] Hulk
[X] Dawn Of the Dead
[X] Hook
[X] Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
[X] 28 days later
[ ] Orgazmo
[ ] Phantasm
[ ] Waterworld
Total so far: 96
[ ] Kill Bill Vol. 1
[ ] Kill Bill Vol. 2
[ ] Mortal Kombat
[ ] Wolf Creek
[X] Kingdom of Heaven
[X] The Hills Have Eyes
[ ] I Spit on Your Grave (aka the Day of the Woman)
[ ] The Last House on the Left
[ ] Re-Animator
[X] Army of Darkness
Total so far: 99
[X] Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
[X] Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
[X] Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
[X] Star Wars: A New Hope
[X] Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
[X] Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
[ ] Ewoks: Caravan Of Courage
[ ] Ewoks: The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 105
[X] The Matrix
[X] The Matrix Reloaded
[X] The Matrix Revolutions
[ ] Animatrix
[X] Evil Dead
[X] Evil Dead 2
[ ] Team America: World Police
[ ] Red Dragon
[X] Silence of the Lambs
[X] Hannibal
Total: 112