dearest diary: I seem to be dead
...as you can see, i have a new av. Edward was great, but he'd been up for too long. i had to change.
reason #1--
i love JtHM. or for you Vasquez virgins, Johnny The Homicidal Maniac. his humour is very dark,kinda scarily creepy, but amazingly hilarious.
reason 2#--
i like the little message at the bottom. im going to stray from the original meaning of it and say why it applies to me, why i would write that. latly, ive lost feeling. i may as well be dead. but my last bit of life is preserved by those i hold dear and the theatre.
reason #3--
its a super fun avatar...i happen to like it. besides its my journal and i can put up whatever i want!!!^_^
>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>
ever noticed i dont do just a normal line when i do that? i just relized that. did you relize it? i did.
...ummmm...yeah whatever.
.:my.therapist:.
yeah, mummy sends me to a therapist now. isnt that quaint? *oo...me likee that word, quaint* but yeah im seeing this Wanner guy now. whatever. he wants me tested for Depression, ADD *or possibly ADHD* bipolar, and anxiety. that was on our first visit. on the second trip, he talked about anxiety. and found that being in dark rooms by myself, and periods of silence make me absolutly nervous...what i failed to mention though was guys. believe it or not, im completly afraid of guys. not as friends, but becoming intimate with a guy. or even having a relationship. i dont think im capable of it. i dont know what it is, but i get really scared and just give in. whatever is going to be done, will be. i probly wont protest, i dont have the will power...plus im too scared. *sigh* wow, why is it easier to admit this to a computer screen that anyone can read than it is to a therapist in a safe enviroment? either way, wanner wants me on pills for it. mainly because its effecting my sleep, the sleep of those around me, and my school work. i cant sleep in a dark silent room so i have the radio, aaron needs absolute silence to sleep and hes sensitive to any noise. i cant work at school because of the silences during class when we're supposed to be working. so...i just suck.
...im leaving. gotta get around so i can mime at light up ocala and then im going to bens. buh byez all, please make sure to read the previous entry i wrote and as always, comment.
Bekka
reason #1--
i love JtHM. or for you Vasquez virgins, Johnny The Homicidal Maniac. his humour is very dark,kinda scarily creepy, but amazingly hilarious.
reason 2#--
i like the little message at the bottom. im going to stray from the original meaning of it and say why it applies to me, why i would write that. latly, ive lost feeling. i may as well be dead. but my last bit of life is preserved by those i hold dear and the theatre.
reason #3--
its a super fun avatar...i happen to like it. besides its my journal and i can put up whatever i want!!!^_^
>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>
ever noticed i dont do just a normal line when i do that? i just relized that. did you relize it? i did.
...ummmm...yeah whatever.
.:my.therapist:.
yeah, mummy sends me to a therapist now. isnt that quaint? *oo...me likee that word, quaint* but yeah im seeing this Wanner guy now. whatever. he wants me tested for Depression, ADD *or possibly ADHD* bipolar, and anxiety. that was on our first visit. on the second trip, he talked about anxiety. and found that being in dark rooms by myself, and periods of silence make me absolutly nervous...what i failed to mention though was guys. believe it or not, im completly afraid of guys. not as friends, but becoming intimate with a guy. or even having a relationship. i dont think im capable of it. i dont know what it is, but i get really scared and just give in. whatever is going to be done, will be. i probly wont protest, i dont have the will power...plus im too scared. *sigh* wow, why is it easier to admit this to a computer screen that anyone can read than it is to a therapist in a safe enviroment? either way, wanner wants me on pills for it. mainly because its effecting my sleep, the sleep of those around me, and my school work. i cant sleep in a dark silent room so i have the radio, aaron needs absolute silence to sleep and hes sensitive to any noise. i cant work at school because of the silences during class when we're supposed to be working. so...i just suck.
...im leaving. gotta get around so i can mime at light up ocala and then im going to bens. buh byez all, please make sure to read the previous entry i wrote and as always, comment.
Bekka