That was nice
Jess messaged me a while ago asking if I wanted to hang out. I wasn't sure I wanted to but said yea and it was rather nice. We just sat on her porch and talked.
The reason I wasn't sure if I wanted to is because is because she was the one I had a dream about the other night (Yea, I didn't want to write about it before but I doubt anyone that knows her will read this. Some days I'm not sure anyone that knows me reads this).
Let me preface this by saying that I do love Danielle and would never do anything to hurt her. She means far too much to me.
I have a bit of a crush on Jess. She's very sweet and attractive and if I were single I'd do my best to court her but because I'm taken and in love I wouldn't act on it. I love just being her friend and think of her a bit like a little sister (yea, I know, that sounds so wrong). Well, the other night I had a dream about her. A rather.... Personal dream.
It's not the first time I've dreamt about her. The last was a few months ago and that one really fucked me up because it was romantic. All I remember of it was standing in a parking lot in the rain and she ran up to me and gave me a huge hug (nothing odd about that. She's a hugger), looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you." I told her I loved her and we kissed. Nothing passionate. A tender, loving peck on the lips. I was a wreck for weeks wondering where my feelings lay. I eventually figured out that it was just Seven Year Itch combined with how I always feel a bit different towards my female friends.
The other night was different. That dream was almost purely physical. I won't go into detales but I did wake up a bit out of breath and confused. The thing is if I hadn't had that other dream I'd probably just have shrugged it off as me being extra male.
The reason I didn't know if I wanted to hang out with her tonight is because she stopped into work today and I started to blush so badly that I had to duck into the trash room for a bit. I didn't know if I'd be the same tonight. I wasn't (or don't think I was, though I might have been a bit quiet).
I don't want to fuck up our friendship by weirding her out. I do count her as a very close friend and would hate to loose that and I don't want to scare Dani. I would never act on any of this but if she knew I had the dreams she'd probably freak (she knows that Jess is my type and that we're friends and I hope she knows I'd never act).
Sometimes I hate my mind.
The reason I wasn't sure if I wanted to is because is because she was the one I had a dream about the other night (Yea, I didn't want to write about it before but I doubt anyone that knows her will read this. Some days I'm not sure anyone that knows me reads this).
Let me preface this by saying that I do love Danielle and would never do anything to hurt her. She means far too much to me.
I have a bit of a crush on Jess. She's very sweet and attractive and if I were single I'd do my best to court her but because I'm taken and in love I wouldn't act on it. I love just being her friend and think of her a bit like a little sister (yea, I know, that sounds so wrong). Well, the other night I had a dream about her. A rather.... Personal dream.
It's not the first time I've dreamt about her. The last was a few months ago and that one really fucked me up because it was romantic. All I remember of it was standing in a parking lot in the rain and she ran up to me and gave me a huge hug (nothing odd about that. She's a hugger), looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you." I told her I loved her and we kissed. Nothing passionate. A tender, loving peck on the lips. I was a wreck for weeks wondering where my feelings lay. I eventually figured out that it was just Seven Year Itch combined with how I always feel a bit different towards my female friends.
The other night was different. That dream was almost purely physical. I won't go into detales but I did wake up a bit out of breath and confused. The thing is if I hadn't had that other dream I'd probably just have shrugged it off as me being extra male.
The reason I didn't know if I wanted to hang out with her tonight is because she stopped into work today and I started to blush so badly that I had to duck into the trash room for a bit. I didn't know if I'd be the same tonight. I wasn't (or don't think I was, though I might have been a bit quiet).
I don't want to fuck up our friendship by weirding her out. I do count her as a very close friend and would hate to loose that and I don't want to scare Dani. I would never act on any of this but if she knew I had the dreams she'd probably freak (she knows that Jess is my type and that we're friends and I hope she knows I'd never act).
Sometimes I hate my mind.