(no subject)
i want to be home. right now.
home is chaos for me. because i'm between two places. and i'm trying to settle in mentally and physically, but i keep having to leave. to go to work. to go out of town. to go back to illinois.
this will probably be the last time i see both of my grandparents. and that scares the shit out of me. these are the people who raised me. who showed me how we do it southern style. and they are not well. and it terrifies me. i am not ready. i've not prepared myself to deal with seeing my granny the way she is, wheelchair bound and not even knowing who she is. too much.
and i don't want to leave. i want to stay home. and put my shit away. and call it all home.
***by the way, feeling an earthquake at work, well that's entertaining***
home is chaos for me. because i'm between two places. and i'm trying to settle in mentally and physically, but i keep having to leave. to go to work. to go out of town. to go back to illinois.
this will probably be the last time i see both of my grandparents. and that scares the shit out of me. these are the people who raised me. who showed me how we do it southern style. and they are not well. and it terrifies me. i am not ready. i've not prepared myself to deal with seeing my granny the way she is, wheelchair bound and not even knowing who she is. too much.
and i don't want to leave. i want to stay home. and put my shit away. and call it all home.
***by the way, feeling an earthquake at work, well that's entertaining***