Through all of this...
I'm coming to realize that I am not strong enough to do the poly thing. Maybe I never was and it took us this long to figure it out. In plain black and white, it was my jealousy that tore us apart. The 'us' that I thought was a forever thing. The 'us' that I counted on. My insecurities and needs and wants were too much, are too much.
I fell in love with her and this is who she is. So I played along. And I fell in love with other people and really thought I was working it out. But what it comes down to is recognizing that my jealous streak is too strong. And while I try to be happy for them, I can't help but wish it was me and only me that caught their eye. That it was me they thought of when they had something to tell someone. That it was me they missed when that unsatiable sense of longing struck.
Maybe that's too much to ask of anyone, poly or not. And because of that, maybe I'll find myself alone.
Even I can't be jealous of that.
I fell in love with her and this is who she is. So I played along. And I fell in love with other people and really thought I was working it out. But what it comes down to is recognizing that my jealous streak is too strong. And while I try to be happy for them, I can't help but wish it was me and only me that caught their eye. That it was me they thought of when they had something to tell someone. That it was me they missed when that unsatiable sense of longing struck.
Maybe that's too much to ask of anyone, poly or not. And because of that, maybe I'll find myself alone.
Even I can't be jealous of that.