damn...
wow. i don even know where to start. the last two days i've been feeling all these emotions and i can't even describe them. i'm juss...confused you could say. well two nights ago i was chillin wit lamar. i spent like almost the whole day with him. and well we had the BIGGEST accident. when it happened i was like at a loss for words. i didn't even know what to say. the only thing i could do was sit there and pray to God that nothing happened. so hes like baby juss go take a shower so i'm like aight so i took one in mikes bathroom and i juss sat in there trying not to cry like WTF am i gonna do if somethin happens?!?! for like 2 secs. i hated him sooo much but then i was like yo its not his fault...its neither of our faults so i was like aight. so i took a shower and then when i was done he asked to come in so i let him in and he was juss like are you aight...its ok...blah blah blah dont worry. stop lookin so upset and all this other shit. and that fuckin pissed me off!! so i was juss like how are you gonna tell me not to worry????? and then he has the fuckin nerve to be like well lets make a promise now that if you are you're not gonna keep it..and i juss looked at him like..i cant fuckin believe this is happening. so i juss shook my head like leave me alone and we juss stood there staring at eachother and then we juss hugged eachother for a long time and went in the basement and watched a movie. it juss pisses me off that hes tellin me not to worry and don get all crazy and that if i am pregnant not to keep the baby. like i don wanna a baby either...TRUST ME! i'm waaaaaay too young for that shit...but like..i don even know. and for him to tell me not to worry and the way hes acting like its not even a big deal just eats me away. its easy for him to say all that cuz he can juss walk away from all of this but i'm gonna be the one stuck wit it you know. he didnt even call me yesterday and that made me feel even worse. like i cant eat cuz i juss feel sick after like i'm gonna throw it up or something and i cant sleep. i feel so drained. i have like nothing left. i'm juss fuckin tired emotionally and physically. and all this stuff thats goin on just makes me look at him a lot differently now. like hes such a good guy and he treats me soooo good but after this...i cant even explain how he makes me feel. i juss feel like hes gonna end up being like all the other guys that have hurt me. and now i'm scared to get any closer to him. its fuckin gettin me mad that i cant even explain MY OWN EMOTIONS. this is so not me. i juss feel so weak. i hate this. i juss want it to go away!!!!!! its juss my luck that something like this would happen...