I Try To Tell Myself It'll Be Alright. . . I Know I Shouldn't Think Anymore Tonight
Ok so yesterday's post I was a little upset. I am, however, pregnant so my hormones make my emotions all crazy. You guys are right he probly is dealing with all kinds of shit down there and he's waiting for the right moment. This just all really SUX and I want it done an over with so he can come home
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I had a six hour layover in Denver, but when I got to a payphone I pulled out the long distance card only to discover that I had grabbed the wrong half of the voucher. The one without the phone card attached. So I mopped around and eventually got back on the bus. When I got to Midland I was 5 miles away form my Mom's, so I walked...as it started to rain. So far honey, I have been chewed by my EX, my Mom, my Grandparents, my Aunt and Uncle, and my other Aunt on my Mom's side. It has been a harrowing experience. I knew it was going to be a boy, his strength will come from our love. I love you more and more as the days pass, and I miss you and Sheena and your dad and mom and everybody. (even your sister a little bit)... I wish I had been able to make love to you more before I left, if only to stem the flood pouring out my heart for you and all that we are together. I want to hold you and kiss you and smile at you and snuggle with you, and think that the world is gonna be all right again. I know that when I see you again I will cry in joy, but also weep in loss at everyday that I have had to endure without you. I don't know what I had so important that I had to comedown here to chekc on. Saphira treats me like a stranger(well she is only 1 year old). My family almost wishes, and that is a close tie, between seeing me finally and finally seeing me not at all. I am searching for a good paying job so that I can send some back, but so far it is a little tight, but I will got you some cash soon and make you never doubt having put your faith in me. I love th picture of you and Mr. Prickles. I just wish I could reach out and grab it. I want to hold you in my arms and tell you everything is gonna be okay, but I am too far away for that. Please relay to Joe that I am down here, and that everything is going smoothly. I will have his back rent to him by the end of the month, and both Nov and Dec in the beginning of Dec.
That is what I plan to have happen anyway. I will at the very least have you 150 to give to the loan place and have some xtra to you. Tell Sheena that I love her too and want her to s[end every minute of every day talking shit about me(I know she wants to anyway). That way you will feel as if I were still there...pestering the shit out of her, and I will still feel that I am there, ( a constant annoyance on Sheena's mind) hehehe... Oh babe I love you, and as soon as I can get let off anywhere near a gas station, I will call either your dad's phone, or Sheena's home phone, or the phone in the apartment if that is on... and die in expectation of hearing your soliloqui to my soul. I miss you so much, but I will type again soon, and try to hear your voice even sooner... I love you so much I die without you near me every night.
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I just barely got to read you're reply to my post. . . and this was after the Email I just sent you 5 minutes ago LOL Just please keep in mind I sent it before I saw you write and try to forgive my insecurities. I love you soo much. I can't believe she got you in the facehole!!! That's a mature response for a 33 year old mother figure. . .
Oh I have to tell you something and I hope you don't get mad and forgive my worry wort nature, but I called looking for you and it didn't go so well. SHE LIED TO ME. But you would be so proud of me!! Even when she told me her bullshit story and said you nver arrived in Texas, there was NO part of me what so ever that thought for a second that what she was saying was true.
I really do love you and trust you beyond all you can imagine. And though I know you wonder why, nothing could or will ever change that. Not sandi, your aunts, uncles, grandparents. NO ONE. Today may or may not be interesting for you since I called. Now I fear you really might get reamed and stop getting a hold of me or maybe none has said anything to you. All in all pleasae know I was NOT is no way trying to make things worse for you. By that point I had heard nothing from you at all. All I can ask is forgiveness of my ignorance and lack of LJ response checking. You can spank me for it later :P
I'm sure saphira is beautiful and doing well. I hoped she liked her presents!! You may been think you're a stranger in her eyes but in her heart she know's who you are and that she loves you. Children love unconditionally and DO NOT let Sandi guilt trip you to think otherwise. I think this trip will be good for you and test the new wonderful person that you are and trying to become. I'm sooo proud of you and though there are tears and heartache, in the end it'll being worth it.
My cousin wants to give you a job and I was given enough money for a bus ticket that I can give to you. Please don't stay longer than a couple of more weeks. Life hear is taking a turn for the better. If we're together everthing will be ok. It's when we're appart that things were worse than we thought. I'll be wishing and crossing my fingers for you.
Come home, Come home my one and only love.
Love,
Your Downy Girl
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