(no subject)
I am going to write about Beltane, for real. It...I don't even know, OK?
What I do know is this: I didn't really sleep.
Also: I don't feel that I've earned it.
There is this increasing level of intensity around my...
whatever. I am just exhausted.
I just spent three days in the woods with the intent of recharging and I've come away from it with an intense desire to apologize to everyone and everything. yeah, that's exactly where I was when I left.
I left a lot of things unfinished when I went out of town, and now they have to be dealt with, and I don't want to deal with them. I want to sleep. but I can't sleep. insomnia has been the order of things for the past several months, with one night here or there but nothing very substantial.
lack of sleep renders me even more insufficient than normal. I have never been enough, but certainly I am not now. certainly I am so much less than all of you require.
and certainly this suffering is insufficient to count for anything, to make up for the transgressions that certainly need to be made up for. certainly all of this is true.
certainly I didn't find whatever internal peace I wanted to find this weekend.
I don't know how much of this is sleep deprivation. I don't know how much of it is insecurity brought on by not having a working cell phone. I don't know how much of it is me, and how much of it is you. does everyone really hate me? or am I just feeling that?
What I do know is this: I didn't really sleep.
Also: I don't feel that I've earned it.
There is this increasing level of intensity around my...
whatever. I am just exhausted.
I just spent three days in the woods with the intent of recharging and I've come away from it with an intense desire to apologize to everyone and everything. yeah, that's exactly where I was when I left.
I left a lot of things unfinished when I went out of town, and now they have to be dealt with, and I don't want to deal with them. I want to sleep. but I can't sleep. insomnia has been the order of things for the past several months, with one night here or there but nothing very substantial.
lack of sleep renders me even more insufficient than normal. I have never been enough, but certainly I am not now. certainly I am so much less than all of you require.
and certainly this suffering is insufficient to count for anything, to make up for the transgressions that certainly need to be made up for. certainly all of this is true.
certainly I didn't find whatever internal peace I wanted to find this weekend.
I don't know how much of this is sleep deprivation. I don't know how much of it is insecurity brought on by not having a working cell phone. I don't know how much of it is me, and how much of it is you. does everyone really hate me? or am I just feeling that?