I'm done

[fwompysorceress]

fuck it all.

for real.

I thought that I had become a person I could hate, fully and completely. But I haven't. and let's say that's my NYR.

it's all over, kids.

trying doesn't work. 2003 was "this is what happens when I try."

2004 is going to be "this is what happens when I abandon, wholeheartedly, the things I actually care about, and strive single-mindedly for the things I am supposed to want."

supposed, in my randomly convoluted brain.

it got me through high school, didn't it? happiness is suburban bullshit, really. and I don't believe in god, what is the fucking difference?

the things that "matter" in 2004:
-choosing the salad over the burger
-choosing the well-paying job over the one i want
-choosing the appearance of stability over any effort to actually be sane
-choosing your illusion over my honesty
-lies
-lies
-lies

i'm done with it, with the honest quest for truth, with meaningful interaction, with leveling with people, with giving a shit.

as long as you think I am what you want me to be, it's fine.

now I just have to figure out what all of you really want.