(no subject)
I know that if you hadn't changed, today we would have been running through the streets.
I would have been dancing and singing and you would have been laughing.
And we would have walked for hours. And talked about everything. And gotten lost, like we always seem to do.
Somehow, when I'm with you, nothing else really matters. I think that's why we get lost.
Ever since you, I don't get lost anymore.
I feel like I have a new life now. Even though you haven't been gone long. I feel like I'm a different person.
At first I was sad, but then, then I hated you. I hated you for treating me so horribly after I gave up so much for you. Yesterday, I didn't even care about you. I didn't.
For the first time, I just wanted to smack you for being so stupid.
But today everything reminded me of you, again.
I almost started crying in the video store. I didn't mean to. And I know that it's silly.
But I looked at the movies that I wanted to see, and I realized that I will be watching those alone because you're the only one who I could just do anything with.
I don't understand. I don't understand how you can just give this up. I don't understand how you went from caring so much and having me be your whole life, to not even being willing to look at me.
I can't read your notes. The ones where you say you care. I wish you hadn't said that. I wish I hadn't let myself trust you so much.
And I didn't mean to look at you for so long when you were standing there when I walked out of the bathroom at school. I was excited to see you because I forgot that I was supposed to pretend that I wasn't. I was waiting for you to say something, waiting for you to come hug me or smile. And then I remembered and walked away.
And tried to make my heart forget how much it hurts to see you.
You're not my world anymore. And now that I think about it, ever since Sam, you really weren't anyway.
Sam is my best friend. And that's all I want you to know about my life. Because you don't deserve to know anything else. I'm not the same anymore. Just like I cut off my hair, what I used to be is gone, how you recognized me is gone.
So please don't think you know me. Because you don't. And I don't need you anymore.
The hole that you left is getting smaller as time goes on. And I think that soon it will be manageable.
I just hope you realize what you've done. How much you've hurt me.
And I hope that when you remember the horrible words you spoke to me, you also remember how I stayed up with you when you couldn't sleep and how I held you when you cried and took care of you when you were sick.
I hope you remember.
I would have been dancing and singing and you would have been laughing.
And we would have walked for hours. And talked about everything. And gotten lost, like we always seem to do.
Somehow, when I'm with you, nothing else really matters. I think that's why we get lost.
Ever since you, I don't get lost anymore.
I feel like I have a new life now. Even though you haven't been gone long. I feel like I'm a different person.
At first I was sad, but then, then I hated you. I hated you for treating me so horribly after I gave up so much for you. Yesterday, I didn't even care about you. I didn't.
For the first time, I just wanted to smack you for being so stupid.
But today everything reminded me of you, again.
I almost started crying in the video store. I didn't mean to. And I know that it's silly.
But I looked at the movies that I wanted to see, and I realized that I will be watching those alone because you're the only one who I could just do anything with.
I don't understand. I don't understand how you can just give this up. I don't understand how you went from caring so much and having me be your whole life, to not even being willing to look at me.
I can't read your notes. The ones where you say you care. I wish you hadn't said that. I wish I hadn't let myself trust you so much.
And I didn't mean to look at you for so long when you were standing there when I walked out of the bathroom at school. I was excited to see you because I forgot that I was supposed to pretend that I wasn't. I was waiting for you to say something, waiting for you to come hug me or smile. And then I remembered and walked away.
And tried to make my heart forget how much it hurts to see you.
You're not my world anymore. And now that I think about it, ever since Sam, you really weren't anyway.
Sam is my best friend. And that's all I want you to know about my life. Because you don't deserve to know anything else. I'm not the same anymore. Just like I cut off my hair, what I used to be is gone, how you recognized me is gone.
So please don't think you know me. Because you don't. And I don't need you anymore.
The hole that you left is getting smaller as time goes on. And I think that soon it will be manageable.
I just hope you realize what you've done. How much you've hurt me.
And I hope that when you remember the horrible words you spoke to me, you also remember how I stayed up with you when you couldn't sleep and how I held you when you cried and took care of you when you were sick.
I hope you remember.