(no subject)
I have been diagnosed with depression by my doctor, mom, guidance counselor, and friends. You could ask, "Are you depressed, sad, down?" &I would most likely respond with, "No, I'm feeling okay." Apparently I've had it for awhile and I suppose the symptoms start to add up. Change in appetite, feeling tired all the time, never wanting to do anything/losing pleasure in things unless it's with my friends (and sometimes I still don't even feeling like doing anything), staying inside all the time/anti-social, mood swings, anxiety, etc. It had to take at least four people to tell me this to even recognize it and I'm not even sure I believe it. I do get really down when I'm alone and think more than I should, but I figured that was normal. I'm starting to get to that point where I have to keep myself occupied so I don't get a feeling of worthlessness. I never want to do anything unless it's later in the day and with a friend. I make my mother feel shitty because I don't even take the time out to watch a TV show with her, and I haven't returned my dad's calls since my birthday. I've been through two relationships this year and they both suffered, whether it was me, him, or just the simple fact that we clashed. I honestly think that "this" led to the downfall of my last relationship (&I'm not saying it was all me). I'm not even comfortable with myself to tell my friends what I'm thinking and how I feel. I don't think I've ever just let it all go to anyone, unless it's early in the am and someone just happens to be online to talk to me, and it's never anyone who truly knows me. Over the school year, I've progressively gotten worse with wanting to wake up. Now I just refuse to get up and my school attendance is suffering. The guidance counselor even suggested that I get a doctor's note to drop my block period at Burton, which would be awesome since I fucking hate that class, just so I can get a few extra hours of sleep in the morning. &it's not like my anemia is helping either. I'm on Prozac now and I have to take iron supplements, making that three medications I have to take daily. My mother wants me to go to a counselor to talk to them and find out what the problem is. If I can't even tell my own friends what I'm thinking, how could she expect me to tell someone who I have no fucking clue who they are and whether they are bullshitting me into or out of my own feelings?