oh well

[fuzzybug]

I was just looking around, checking certain things out on the interwurb, and I got to thinking... I don't really like myself. I mean, I've always hated myself for different reasons... I have a lot of imperfections, one might go so far as to call them instabilities or disorders, but am I an asshole? I don't try to be. I'm a generally quiet person, I don't mess with people I don't know, as far as I can tell. Was I an asshole, "back in the day"? I don't remember being one. I remember not paying enough attention to certain people, and I remember two incidents in first grade, one involving "Creepy Crawlers," and another involving a girl's high-heeled shoes slamming into my nether regions for reasons I cannot remember, but I've always thought I could chalk those off as simple childish behavior. I remember getting picked on and being hated by a lot of people. I remember my glasses being broken (twisted and mangled first, though) and dodgeballs being thrown at my face for no reason, and trying to be friends with people who didn't really give a shit and enjoyed seeing me upset. This has gone on my whole life, in some form or another. I remember Jeff, of course. Thankfully my mom left that fucko... Of course, not before he was able to cause sufficient harm to our family, both physical and psychological. But was I an asshole? Okay, I know I'm a "cold," person, and I will probably always be cold, but I cannot help that. It's just who I've been shaped to be.

Whatever. If I did anything seriously harmful to anybody, psychological or physical as I've said before, I'm sorry. It won't happen again, if I can help it.

Good night.