the epidemic
as usual i feel nothing but the insipid nothingness seeping into my core or the sudden bursts of happiness and excitement i recieve when i am with my friends. its better than being stuck in a depression. at least i feel nothing...
i cant wait to get back to school so something can happen again. something bad something good...what ever...at least a feeling. something that lasts for more than a few short hours. i want a routine again. i want to see my friends and such.
and most of all i want a crush. i am not concerned about a boyfriend. i just want to feel a passion for somebody. maybe a little obsessed because that is what usually happens, but i want a challenge too. chanllenge sexuality, challenge psychology, challenge love. something to push towards and see what destiny brings you.
but i dont like every guy who likes me mind you. for example the newest guy, well not so new. reoccuring guy, my 'ex' if you would call him that. his name is michael whorley and he goes to the do jang i go to. not too long after metal slicer and i broke up, we started going out and there was a little chemistry...a little. but during the time we were 'dating' i saw him once. and i made out with him, which wasnt the best experience. and i forgot what he looked like. so it wasnt the most meaningful relationship. but i guess it was to him, i guess he really did like me in that way. i remember his eyes lit up when he found out i was single again. either that or its just an act to have a girlfriend. well i dont buy it wheter if it is real or not. i do like him a little, there is a part of me that is attracted to him when i am near him. but that isnt enough. he stills wants me as a girlfriend. he isnt ugly, he has a job that pays $11 a hour, he is 16, he has a car, he wants me, what more could i want? well i dont really have any feelings for him or anybody. and i wouldnt want to kiss him again. maybe a friendly one on the cheek. but thats it. i dont go for every guy who likes me.
i wanna throw a party. and i will probably do that...so yea...
i cant wait to get back to school so something can happen again. something bad something good...what ever...at least a feeling. something that lasts for more than a few short hours. i want a routine again. i want to see my friends and such.
and most of all i want a crush. i am not concerned about a boyfriend. i just want to feel a passion for somebody. maybe a little obsessed because that is what usually happens, but i want a challenge too. chanllenge sexuality, challenge psychology, challenge love. something to push towards and see what destiny brings you.
but i dont like every guy who likes me mind you. for example the newest guy, well not so new. reoccuring guy, my 'ex' if you would call him that. his name is michael whorley and he goes to the do jang i go to. not too long after metal slicer and i broke up, we started going out and there was a little chemistry...a little. but during the time we were 'dating' i saw him once. and i made out with him, which wasnt the best experience. and i forgot what he looked like. so it wasnt the most meaningful relationship. but i guess it was to him, i guess he really did like me in that way. i remember his eyes lit up when he found out i was single again. either that or its just an act to have a girlfriend. well i dont buy it wheter if it is real or not. i do like him a little, there is a part of me that is attracted to him when i am near him. but that isnt enough. he stills wants me as a girlfriend. he isnt ugly, he has a job that pays $11 a hour, he is 16, he has a car, he wants me, what more could i want? well i dont really have any feelings for him or anybody. and i wouldnt want to kiss him again. maybe a friendly one on the cheek. but thats it. i dont go for every guy who likes me.
i wanna throw a party. and i will probably do that...so yea...