FIC: Faith 2/2
Title: Faith
Rating: T ish
Warnings: None
Recipient:
jacyevans
Word Count: 4111
Heaven was just as Castiel remembered it, beautiful and magical and somehow filled with red tape and politics. He completed his heavenly assignments quickly and efficiently; lived his life just as he had before his last. He knew that something was going on with Anna, his superior was becoming distant and cold where before they had been close. But he was used to things happening that he was unaware of, in her position he was sure she heard bad news quite a bit. And she was always frustrated when things didn’t go her way. It was easy when he thought about it to forgive Anna’s coldness.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Somehow though, Sam had followed him home. He heard the boy daily, sometimes for only moments and other times for what seemed like hours. Sam had something to say every day, had questions and requests and ideas that he prayed as if he were best friends with God.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">At first Castiel was certain it would fade, that with time the boy’s voice would grow fainter and fainter. It had been months since he’d returned to earth however, and still Sam’s voice rang clear and true.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">It was invigorating, irritating, confusing, and strange for the angel. He wasn’t used to the welling up of emotions. Didn’t know how to handle even a little bit of irritation. Castiel felt as if there was a string connecting his heart and the smallest Winchester. And Sam was a child who felt so much.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel wanted to punch Uriel, wanted to tell Zacharias to leave him alone. He wanted to go down to earth and run through a field, wanted to make Dean play cards with him.
It was hard to handle and after particularly long sessions, Castiel would pray. For Sam’s voice to end, for serenity to return.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He’d asked a few other angels if they’d heard of anything similar happening, but they’d looked at him with uncomprehending eyes. Why it had not yet faded was disturbing. It made him feel different and strange and as more time past, the less he wanted to share what was happening with any other angels. It made him feel human.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel had tried honing in on Sam’s brother and father several more times, listened to see if whatever was happening was connected to the family or to the youngest Winchester only. If the older ones were praying in any way, Castiel couldn’t hear it. Even when he strained his senses or moved closer to earth it was if there was a wall between him and them.
"Times New Roman"">God?
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The angel froze, shaking his head before forcing himself to continue forward. It was time consuming to have to wait for Sam to finish before continuing his work. Castiel had too much to do to wait, even if Sam’s voice was distracting.
"Times New Roman"">Can Dean please hurry up and get back? Dad too?
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel felt his form instinctively try and move closer to earth, like it always did before he caught himself.
"Times New Roman"">I’m not scared…just worried.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The boy’s voice was strained and even with the limited amount of time he’d spent among humans Castiel could sense the lie. The emotion bled into and seemed to saturate Castiel . He could feel his muscles tighten, feel the sweat on his brow. Sam was terrified.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Forcing his form to remain outwardly calm, Castiel gave into the urge that had been whispering in his ear for what seemed like forever. He traveled closer to the human realm. Around him time and space flexed and spun, miles blurring as he grew closer. The air changed, the sweet scent that permeated heaven lessening before altogether disappearing.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">It was hard not having a human body to possess, to linger just beyond the place that humans thrived. He knew that if he got too close humans would suffer. He had heard tales of angels acting irrationally and hurting dozens of people when they’d gotten too near.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The energy on earth was so singular that at times he wasn’t sure how the creator had fashioned two realms so different from one another.
He hovered, searching instinctively for the small soul he’d started to recognize as ‘Sam’.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">It was stupid that he felt the urge to check on the small boy, silly that he hadn’t just continued on his business as he needed to do. Humans’ lives were so short, to feel connected to one whose life would be over in a flash seemed imprudent.
"Times New Roman"">Please, please, please, please, please.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel moved closer, space bending again as he passed by mountains and rivers in mere moments. The world below him seemed to roll,
trees and cities and people passing by so that they were nothing more than a blur.
"Times New Roman"">Please, ple-
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The angel mentally frowned as the boy’s voice halted mid sentence, not remembering the last time he hadn’t finished with a request to ‘tell mom hi’. That Sam remembered something so small for a mother Castiel was certain he’d never met was touching.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He paused over a large stretch of woods, eyes automatically searching for humans. Around him the air was dark and cold and the moon hung low in the sky. There were no houses, no wide stretches of pavement or even fields of grain or corn. The place was untouched by man; even the air seemed to taste old and pure.
"Times New Roman"">Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The voice was deeper than Sam’s, so different that even as Castiel neared where the Winchesters were his mind struggled to figure out what was happening. Why could he suddenly hear someone who wasn’t Sam? Where was the youngest Winchester?
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Between two old pine trees two hearts thudded loudly. One was fast while the other one seemed to skip and stutter and stumble. He automatically turned his form towards them, moving as close as he dared.
"Times New Roman"">Please save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> He heard the voice again, loud and clear and so desperate that it set Castiel’s teeth on edge. He listened, becoming so still that the he could almost feel the earth shifting below him.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“It’s okay Sam. It’s fine.”
The words were spoken this time out loud and Castiel finally recognized the voice. It was Dean, Sam’s older brother. He didn’t sound sure of himself, didn’t sound at all like Castiel remembered his voice. He sounded like he’d swallowed glass.
"Times New Roman"">Please, please, please save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The stuttering heartbeat skipped and Castiel tried to process what he was seeing, what he was feeling, even as below him Sam struggled to stay alive. Even if he hadn’t seen it in a long time, the angel could make out the blood that seemed to cover both of the boys. From his position he could smell the hot scent of iron beneath the crisp pine trees and running water.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">There was too much of it, it pooled on the ground and ran like a small river out of Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The oldest one continued to talk softly to his brother, ripping large pieces of cloth from what used to be a flannel shirt and wrapping them around Sam’s torso. Sam remained unmoving, trembling slightly, but not waking.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel listened to the prayers, felt the sincerity wash over him. Whatever it was that Dean did or did not believe, Castiel had the feeling that he would do whatever was necessary to keep Sam safe. It made his throat close up and heart ache for the two brothers.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He watched, unmoving, and for the first time in a long time considered helping a human with no direct orders to do so. The angel liked Sam, liked his faith and sincerity and honesty. The boy wanted his family to be safe, wanted them to be happy, wanted to live a good life.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Those were things that Castiel identified with, things that he strove to accomplish every day. To see something so violent happen to someone so innocent reminded him of how much he could do to help the earth below him.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He drifted even closer, uncertain how someone had gotten so hurt and what the boys could possibly be doing in the
middle of nowhere. It seemed unfair that for as much as he knew about Sam, there were still great parts of him that remained hidden.
"Times New Roman"">Please save Sam. Please please please save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“Dean!”
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The older boy started, glancing over as his father tore through the woods. The man was a mess of cuts and bruises, limping slightly even as he called again for Dean. Over his shoulder a gun rested and from his position Castiel could smell that it had been recently
fired.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“Dad, help me. Sam’s - ” Dean cut off, too choked up to speak for a moment, “He’s hurt real bad.”
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Snapping twigs and breaking branches, John closed the rest of the distance and gently picked up Sam. The child, and really, Sam was nothing more than a kid, was pale and sweaty. He rolled his head into his father’s shoulder and didn’t wake when his father began to pick his way across the woods.
"Times New Roman"">Please save him, save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“Come on Dean.”
___________________________________________________________________________
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">After that Castiel couldn’t help but stop in to see the family. The hospital had been nearby, an old brick building with only one or two nurses and a doctor far past his prime. It had been a miracle that the family had made it there before Sam had bled out. The doctor had been amazed, had told John again and again that he couldn’t understand how the boy hadn’t died on the ride over.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel agreed. The angel had felt the boy’s soul, stretching and twisting and wriggling away from its body as they’d driven. He had felt it dip and reach, as if wishing for nothing more than to escape the confines of the form it had been constrained to.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He had been certain the boy wouldn’t make it, even as Dean continued to hold his brother close and pray as if his own life depended on it.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">But Sam had stayed alive. He hadn’t woken up for nearly a week before finally Castiel had seen him blink his eyes blearily and ask for a glass of water. There had been dark circles under his eyes and the thin hospital gown he’d worn had made him look frail and even younger.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel waited for it. Waited for the prayers to return and Sam’s voice to once again fill his mind. Part of him was looking forward to it; he missed feeling so connected. Already he was colder inside; already it was hard for him to understand just what it was about the boy that had been so interesting. It scared him that he felt so empty, so lifeless, without Sam’s voice and emotions filling him.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The voice did not return and neither did the voice of Sam’s brother. How it happened, why it had happened, Castiel had no idea. Even weeks later when Sam left the hospital, glowing and happy, Castiel could not hear his prayers.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">His life was busy: meetings, missions, and reports lasting weeks and weeks. Castiel tried to check in on the family, tried to stay caught up in what was happening in their lives. It was hard however, and with time he only looked back on the strange occurrence with fond remembrance. How and why it had happened he couldn’t ever figure out.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">But he was glad that for a few months he had been given the opportunity to explore the thoughts of someone so pure. It had been an honor he would not soon forget. How angels could call all of humanity selfish, when Castiel had heard nothing but selfless love from a boy, he didn’t know. But it made him aware for the first time that things weren’t always what they seemed.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">God had made humanity for a reason. The Lord had given them thoughts, feelings, and choice for a reason. How anyone could think that something the Almighty had created could be only bad was baffling and insulting.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The Lord was mysterious, yes. And Castiel wouldn’t pretend to understand just what the greater plan was. And humans struggled daily to be good, to make the right decisions, and be all that they could.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He had heard people and angels complain that God had created humans and then ignored them. That they were like a failed experiment that had long been given up on.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel knew now that there was no way something so cold could be true. God had heard the older Winchester’s voice that day. There was no way that God hadn't listened and answered.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">There was conviction in Sam’s voice when he prayed and Castiel was certain that God had to have heard that. Sam had unstoppable faith, and for the first time in what Castiel realized was a long time, that really meant something to him.
Rating: T ish
Warnings: None
Recipient:
jacyevans
Word Count: 4111
Heaven was just as Castiel remembered it, beautiful and magical and somehow filled with red tape and politics. He completed his heavenly assignments quickly and efficiently; lived his life just as he had before his last. He knew that something was going on with Anna, his superior was becoming distant and cold where before they had been close. But he was used to things happening that he was unaware of, in her position he was sure she heard bad news quite a bit. And she was always frustrated when things didn’t go her way. It was easy when he thought about it to forgive Anna’s coldness.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Somehow though, Sam had followed him home. He heard the boy daily, sometimes for only moments and other times for what seemed like hours. Sam had something to say every day, had questions and requests and ideas that he prayed as if he were best friends with God.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">At first Castiel was certain it would fade, that with time the boy’s voice would grow fainter and fainter. It had been months since he’d returned to earth however, and still Sam’s voice rang clear and true.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">It was invigorating, irritating, confusing, and strange for the angel. He wasn’t used to the welling up of emotions. Didn’t know how to handle even a little bit of irritation. Castiel felt as if there was a string connecting his heart and the smallest Winchester. And Sam was a child who felt so much.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel wanted to punch Uriel, wanted to tell Zacharias to leave him alone. He wanted to go down to earth and run through a field, wanted to make Dean play cards with him.
It was hard to handle and after particularly long sessions, Castiel would pray. For Sam’s voice to end, for serenity to return.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He’d asked a few other angels if they’d heard of anything similar happening, but they’d looked at him with uncomprehending eyes. Why it had not yet faded was disturbing. It made him feel different and strange and as more time past, the less he wanted to share what was happening with any other angels. It made him feel human.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel had tried honing in on Sam’s brother and father several more times, listened to see if whatever was happening was connected to the family or to the youngest Winchester only. If the older ones were praying in any way, Castiel couldn’t hear it. Even when he strained his senses or moved closer to earth it was if there was a wall between him and them.
"Times New Roman"">God?
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The angel froze, shaking his head before forcing himself to continue forward. It was time consuming to have to wait for Sam to finish before continuing his work. Castiel had too much to do to wait, even if Sam’s voice was distracting.
"Times New Roman"">Can Dean please hurry up and get back? Dad too?
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel felt his form instinctively try and move closer to earth, like it always did before he caught himself.
"Times New Roman"">I’m not scared…just worried.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The boy’s voice was strained and even with the limited amount of time he’d spent among humans Castiel could sense the lie. The emotion bled into and seemed to saturate Castiel . He could feel his muscles tighten, feel the sweat on his brow. Sam was terrified.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Forcing his form to remain outwardly calm, Castiel gave into the urge that had been whispering in his ear for what seemed like forever. He traveled closer to the human realm. Around him time and space flexed and spun, miles blurring as he grew closer. The air changed, the sweet scent that permeated heaven lessening before altogether disappearing.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">It was hard not having a human body to possess, to linger just beyond the place that humans thrived. He knew that if he got too close humans would suffer. He had heard tales of angels acting irrationally and hurting dozens of people when they’d gotten too near.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The energy on earth was so singular that at times he wasn’t sure how the creator had fashioned two realms so different from one another.
He hovered, searching instinctively for the small soul he’d started to recognize as ‘Sam’.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">It was stupid that he felt the urge to check on the small boy, silly that he hadn’t just continued on his business as he needed to do. Humans’ lives were so short, to feel connected to one whose life would be over in a flash seemed imprudent.
"Times New Roman"">Please, please, please, please, please.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel moved closer, space bending again as he passed by mountains and rivers in mere moments. The world below him seemed to roll,
trees and cities and people passing by so that they were nothing more than a blur.
"Times New Roman"">Please, ple-
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The angel mentally frowned as the boy’s voice halted mid sentence, not remembering the last time he hadn’t finished with a request to ‘tell mom hi’. That Sam remembered something so small for a mother Castiel was certain he’d never met was touching.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He paused over a large stretch of woods, eyes automatically searching for humans. Around him the air was dark and cold and the moon hung low in the sky. There were no houses, no wide stretches of pavement or even fields of grain or corn. The place was untouched by man; even the air seemed to taste old and pure.
"Times New Roman"">Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The voice was deeper than Sam’s, so different that even as Castiel neared where the Winchesters were his mind struggled to figure out what was happening. Why could he suddenly hear someone who wasn’t Sam? Where was the youngest Winchester?
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Between two old pine trees two hearts thudded loudly. One was fast while the other one seemed to skip and stutter and stumble. He automatically turned his form towards them, moving as close as he dared.
"Times New Roman"">Please save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman""> He heard the voice again, loud and clear and so desperate that it set Castiel’s teeth on edge. He listened, becoming so still that the he could almost feel the earth shifting below him.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“It’s okay Sam. It’s fine.”
The words were spoken this time out loud and Castiel finally recognized the voice. It was Dean, Sam’s older brother. He didn’t sound sure of himself, didn’t sound at all like Castiel remembered his voice. He sounded like he’d swallowed glass.
"Times New Roman"">Please, please, please save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The stuttering heartbeat skipped and Castiel tried to process what he was seeing, what he was feeling, even as below him Sam struggled to stay alive. Even if he hadn’t seen it in a long time, the angel could make out the blood that seemed to cover both of the boys. From his position he could smell the hot scent of iron beneath the crisp pine trees and running water.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">There was too much of it, it pooled on the ground and ran like a small river out of Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The oldest one continued to talk softly to his brother, ripping large pieces of cloth from what used to be a flannel shirt and wrapping them around Sam’s torso. Sam remained unmoving, trembling slightly, but not waking.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel listened to the prayers, felt the sincerity wash over him. Whatever it was that Dean did or did not believe, Castiel had the feeling that he would do whatever was necessary to keep Sam safe. It made his throat close up and heart ache for the two brothers.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He watched, unmoving, and for the first time in a long time considered helping a human with no direct orders to do so. The angel liked Sam, liked his faith and sincerity and honesty. The boy wanted his family to be safe, wanted them to be happy, wanted to live a good life.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Those were things that Castiel identified with, things that he strove to accomplish every day. To see something so violent happen to someone so innocent reminded him of how much he could do to help the earth below him.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He drifted even closer, uncertain how someone had gotten so hurt and what the boys could possibly be doing in the
middle of nowhere. It seemed unfair that for as much as he knew about Sam, there were still great parts of him that remained hidden.
"Times New Roman"">Please save Sam. Please please please save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“Dean!”
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The older boy started, glancing over as his father tore through the woods. The man was a mess of cuts and bruises, limping slightly even as he called again for Dean. Over his shoulder a gun rested and from his position Castiel could smell that it had been recently
fired.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“Dad, help me. Sam’s - ” Dean cut off, too choked up to speak for a moment, “He’s hurt real bad.”
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Snapping twigs and breaking branches, John closed the rest of the distance and gently picked up Sam. The child, and really, Sam was nothing more than a kid, was pale and sweaty. He rolled his head into his father’s shoulder and didn’t wake when his father began to pick his way across the woods.
"Times New Roman"">Please save him, save Sam.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">“Come on Dean.”
___________________________________________________________________________
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">After that Castiel couldn’t help but stop in to see the family. The hospital had been nearby, an old brick building with only one or two nurses and a doctor far past his prime. It had been a miracle that the family had made it there before Sam had bled out. The doctor had been amazed, had told John again and again that he couldn’t understand how the boy hadn’t died on the ride over.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel agreed. The angel had felt the boy’s soul, stretching and twisting and wriggling away from its body as they’d driven. He had felt it dip and reach, as if wishing for nothing more than to escape the confines of the form it had been constrained to.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He had been certain the boy wouldn’t make it, even as Dean continued to hold his brother close and pray as if his own life depended on it.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">But Sam had stayed alive. He hadn’t woken up for nearly a week before finally Castiel had seen him blink his eyes blearily and ask for a glass of water. There had been dark circles under his eyes and the thin hospital gown he’d worn had made him look frail and even younger.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel waited for it. Waited for the prayers to return and Sam’s voice to once again fill his mind. Part of him was looking forward to it; he missed feeling so connected. Already he was colder inside; already it was hard for him to understand just what it was about the boy that had been so interesting. It scared him that he felt so empty, so lifeless, without Sam’s voice and emotions filling him.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The voice did not return and neither did the voice of Sam’s brother. How it happened, why it had happened, Castiel had no idea. Even weeks later when Sam left the hospital, glowing and happy, Castiel could not hear his prayers.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">His life was busy: meetings, missions, and reports lasting weeks and weeks. Castiel tried to check in on the family, tried to stay caught up in what was happening in their lives. It was hard however, and with time he only looked back on the strange occurrence with fond remembrance. How and why it had happened he couldn’t ever figure out.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">But he was glad that for a few months he had been given the opportunity to explore the thoughts of someone so pure. It had been an honor he would not soon forget. How angels could call all of humanity selfish, when Castiel had heard nothing but selfless love from a boy, he didn’t know. But it made him aware for the first time that things weren’t always what they seemed.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">God had made humanity for a reason. The Lord had given them thoughts, feelings, and choice for a reason. How anyone could think that something the Almighty had created could be only bad was baffling and insulting.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">The Lord was mysterious, yes. And Castiel wouldn’t pretend to understand just what the greater plan was. And humans struggled daily to be good, to make the right decisions, and be all that they could.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">He had heard people and angels complain that God had created humans and then ignored them. That they were like a failed experiment that had long been given up on.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">Castiel knew now that there was no way something so cold could be true. God had heard the older Winchester’s voice that day. There was no way that God hadn't listened and answered.
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">There was conviction in Sam’s voice when he prayed and Castiel was certain that God had to have heard that. Sam had unstoppable faith, and for the first time in what Castiel realized was a long time, that really meant something to him.