"when i was younger so much younger than today, i never need anybody's help in any way...."
i feel so much better. i need to call and apologize to jenn. i guess sometimes she just doesnt understand i cant go out everyday. my parents are dicks and wont let me. i hate not being able to go and spend time with her everyday and im really jealous that she can go and spend time with her friends whenever she wants. but i still was a little mean to her on the phone. i was grumpy. i took a nap and ate dinner and now i feel better. well i feel a little less insecure.
which is another thing i dont understand. i know that she loves me and that i love her and that things are going great. shes wearing a promise ring on her finger because she loves me. i dont know why im so insecure about her. i dont know why im always so worried im gonna lose her. i dont understand it. im gonna take another nap when i finish this. i want to take another.
ive been thinking a lot about things i dont normally think about. things i try to avoid. im gonna be 18 in a year. thats not that far away. i can move out in a year. i can start my life in a year. something i cant wait for-my own life. im so tired of my parents telling me i cant go out, that i cant see jenn, that i cant spend that much time at her house. its so retarded. i love her. i want to spend more time with her. i cant wait for school to start so i can see her on a daily basis again. i miss that.
i miss a lot of stuff about school. i never feel lonely at school but now im on a schedule where everyother day i feel alone. i feel isolated. i feel so far from all humanity. the days when im with jenn i feel wonderful but the days im home i feel depressed. it gets worse everytime. everynight that i have to sit home i just wait for myself to get tired so i can fall asleep and dream about jenn and when i get to see her again. im 100% obsessed. i know this. but i know shes obsessed with me too.
anyway, this is getting long and not really helping me feel much better. i remember when this lj used to clear my mind and make me feel so much better about myself, now it either leaves me exactly the same or in a worse mood. no wonder in never write in this thing anymore.
GREGGER
which is another thing i dont understand. i know that she loves me and that i love her and that things are going great. shes wearing a promise ring on her finger because she loves me. i dont know why im so insecure about her. i dont know why im always so worried im gonna lose her. i dont understand it. im gonna take another nap when i finish this. i want to take another.
ive been thinking a lot about things i dont normally think about. things i try to avoid. im gonna be 18 in a year. thats not that far away. i can move out in a year. i can start my life in a year. something i cant wait for-my own life. im so tired of my parents telling me i cant go out, that i cant see jenn, that i cant spend that much time at her house. its so retarded. i love her. i want to spend more time with her. i cant wait for school to start so i can see her on a daily basis again. i miss that.
i miss a lot of stuff about school. i never feel lonely at school but now im on a schedule where everyother day i feel alone. i feel isolated. i feel so far from all humanity. the days when im with jenn i feel wonderful but the days im home i feel depressed. it gets worse everytime. everynight that i have to sit home i just wait for myself to get tired so i can fall asleep and dream about jenn and when i get to see her again. im 100% obsessed. i know this. but i know shes obsessed with me too.
anyway, this is getting long and not really helping me feel much better. i remember when this lj used to clear my mind and make me feel so much better about myself, now it either leaves me exactly the same or in a worse mood. no wonder in never write in this thing anymore.
GREGGER