why do evil men get away with it? Cant you see that i am in a world of shit?
well i feel like the biggest ass in the world right now. i just want to curl up into a small ball in the corner of a small room and die. i dont want anyone to notice me, i just want to die. im so upset. i came home and called my dad because my car was gone. i was planning on leaving right then to take jenn to the viewing...yeah keyword-planning. my dad is such a dick. he told me i couldnt leave until 6. why 6? im not sure but hes a dick. so i tell him i have to have her there right away- he tells me, thats too damn bad. she'll have to find a ride. i told him i am her ride. he tells me that i should stop worrying about her like shes my wife. i hung up on him. dick. im so pissed. i feel like i need to be there to comfort her. this is going to be hard on her and its my job to make hard times easier. shes been really stressed lately and i feel like im becoming worse and worse of a boyfriend everyday. i feel like she wants me to go away more and more. if i try and tell her this she'll tell me that im questioning our relationship and that i dont believe we'll be together. thats not what im trying to do. im trying to understand whats bothering her so i can make things better. thats what i think im supposed to do. i want to have a deep relationship where i help her with her problems but sometimes i feel like she pushes me away. i love her so much and im not questioning our relationship because i know were meant for each other and i know that i dont want anyone else-ever. i just feel so stressed lately.
im on the verge of moving out-right now. im going to finish my finals and if my dad fights with me after that im gone. i cant go to school if i move out because my dad will look for me there and have me carted off to wood. so when schools out i have no reason to stay here, if he tries to pick a fight with me-im gone. i dont care, i cant take him anymore. maybe him being a dick has made me feel distant from jenn. i know that its him being a dick tonight that made me feel like jenn is disappointed in me. i know her parents have to be. i told them id take her and now im bailing out. i really wanted them to like me but now they wont trust me with anything important again. i cant believe this! i want to go back in time, then i wont even come home. ill drive to school this morning and leave from school. fabulous. i just feel so bad. i know jenn has gotta be pissed at me.
i got a call from my uncle earlier. he asked me to come down and help him unload a trailer. so i did. he was talking to me and he told me my dad is a dick. then i was talking to my aunt about how im sure jenns gonna be pissed with me and then i got in my cxar to leave and she asked me if my dad actually had a reason to keep me home or was he just being a dick? i told her he was just being a dick. she talked to me for a while. she told me that if i need somewhere to stay i can live with her. i love that. unfortunitally it seems a bit retarded that eveybody wants to take me in. i know there are like a million places i could go and it bothers me. i know how easily i could leave right now. i just dont want to quit. i feel like im just going to be quitting if i leave.
is it wrong to want to move out? is it wrong to just quit? is it wrong to say that youve tried so hard to help someone butr they cant be helped? is it wrong to think that ive tried for too long for too hard to gain acceptance here that im never going to get? i think im burnt out. i dont think i can handle protecting everyone here anymore. i dont feel like i can handle trying and busting my ass trying to get my dad to like me and say "im proud of you son" without being forced to and actually meaning it. im too tired to keep trying to teach my family about love and peace. im tired of never being good enough, tired of being mistreated, and most of all tired of feeling unloved. i feel neglected in the fact that no one here pays attention to me. no one here takes the time to learn who i am. ive lived here 17 years and my dad doesnt have a clue who i am, who i want to be. he doesnt have a clue about me. why should i be here? ive given him so many chances to treat me right... to talk to me. in 17 years i cant remember 1 conversation about me, whats going on in my life, how i am, how i feel, what i think about things. not 1 time. i need to express myself. i cant stand this anymore. honestly if this isnt enough to get emancipated i dont know what the fuck i need to do to prove that if i stay here much longer i will die.
GREGGER
im on the verge of moving out-right now. im going to finish my finals and if my dad fights with me after that im gone. i cant go to school if i move out because my dad will look for me there and have me carted off to wood. so when schools out i have no reason to stay here, if he tries to pick a fight with me-im gone. i dont care, i cant take him anymore. maybe him being a dick has made me feel distant from jenn. i know that its him being a dick tonight that made me feel like jenn is disappointed in me. i know her parents have to be. i told them id take her and now im bailing out. i really wanted them to like me but now they wont trust me with anything important again. i cant believe this! i want to go back in time, then i wont even come home. ill drive to school this morning and leave from school. fabulous. i just feel so bad. i know jenn has gotta be pissed at me.
i got a call from my uncle earlier. he asked me to come down and help him unload a trailer. so i did. he was talking to me and he told me my dad is a dick. then i was talking to my aunt about how im sure jenns gonna be pissed with me and then i got in my cxar to leave and she asked me if my dad actually had a reason to keep me home or was he just being a dick? i told her he was just being a dick. she talked to me for a while. she told me that if i need somewhere to stay i can live with her. i love that. unfortunitally it seems a bit retarded that eveybody wants to take me in. i know there are like a million places i could go and it bothers me. i know how easily i could leave right now. i just dont want to quit. i feel like im just going to be quitting if i leave.
is it wrong to want to move out? is it wrong to just quit? is it wrong to say that youve tried so hard to help someone butr they cant be helped? is it wrong to think that ive tried for too long for too hard to gain acceptance here that im never going to get? i think im burnt out. i dont think i can handle protecting everyone here anymore. i dont feel like i can handle trying and busting my ass trying to get my dad to like me and say "im proud of you son" without being forced to and actually meaning it. im too tired to keep trying to teach my family about love and peace. im tired of never being good enough, tired of being mistreated, and most of all tired of feeling unloved. i feel neglected in the fact that no one here pays attention to me. no one here takes the time to learn who i am. ive lived here 17 years and my dad doesnt have a clue who i am, who i want to be. he doesnt have a clue about me. why should i be here? ive given him so many chances to treat me right... to talk to me. in 17 years i cant remember 1 conversation about me, whats going on in my life, how i am, how i feel, what i think about things. not 1 time. i need to express myself. i cant stand this anymore. honestly if this isnt enough to get emancipated i dont know what the fuck i need to do to prove that if i stay here much longer i will die.
GREGGER