i couldn't find you in anyone; now, i see you in everyone.
last night i saw martin perform in drag for the first time. he was amazing, and i am not a fan of drag shows. he performed a rupaul song and a goldfrapp song. he was so happy to see us there. and that was that...
alex, manu, joel, and i went to executive suites afterwards. that was a mess. i was tipsy being that all i had to eat was a diet coke the whole day. i had only slept about four hours too. (that's another story.) so, i was freaking out because i thought that i might run into roberto there. every time i saw a guy in a baseball cap, i wanted to run for cover. there is still so much awkwardness. that may never go away, but i have made peace with the fact that there are certain things that i cannot emotionally reconcile. i was so paranoid that i could not even be myself. i was so awkward with everyone. i was even avoiding people who were checking me out. i gave some of them "fuck off" looks too. i wanted to just leave everyone at the club and go home, but i waited until i dropped them off and sped off. they went to eat, but i was so tired and just wanted to sleep.
besides martin's show, the other good thing about yesterday was my texting lorenzo. i did, and he responded (very quickly). we're going out for a movie next week. although i'm normally very passive about things when it comes to dating, i'm being much more assertive with him. i suggested coffee last time (even though he paid), and while he wanted to go out again, i suggested a film. so, this progresses (at a VERY slow rate which is desirable). tonight is luis's party. it's a 420 party in celebration of his new job (he's a civil engineer). i'm excited. there's definitely going to be lots of pot, but i heard someone say coke was going to be available. i got a tingling sensation in my nose. and, i think i orgasmed. ok, so i've been good about staying away from drugs, but a little coke once or twice every now and then is not a bad thing. however, if all we have available is pot, then i'll be satisfied.