RELOCATING MYSPACE ANGST TO LIVEJOURNAL.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
I'm a goat on the inside, not a sheep (inside joke)
Current mood: cold
Don't know where the hell the word "blog" came from, but whatever.
I like watching people. They can do the stupidest things.
There's one person I'm tired of trying to talk to. I fucking hate sitting there, not being able to think of anything to say, and niether can she. Maybe we're not cut out to be friends.
I'm such a lazy bitch. I'm always busy now. And when I'm not busy, I'm thinking about all the people I could be obsessed with, but I'm not. Seems I'm either obsessed with someone or I don't really care that much. Does that make me a bad person?
COMMENTS: the word blog is short for the word weblog, as in to log something on the web...the we was removed because that's what seems to happen to words online. (Ari)
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Sunday, October 09, 2005
bleed me to death
Current mood: curious
well, seeing as no one seems to read these anyway, I guess I can mention that I'm actually love a girl. She managed to leap the high wall surrounding my heart... now I'm fucking scared to DEATH that she's going to walk away with my heart. I'm so nervous now when I think about her. (Her name's Joey, by the way.) It's like a part of me wants to just run, but another part of me wants to go all out for her and be everything she wants me to be. "I'm a loser baby, so why doncha kill me"
www.quizilla.com is an interesting place to take quizzes. They amuse me.
COMMENTS: Oh, ha ha ha ha ha....
No.
I will stab you. Grr.
(Joey)
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Saturday, October 15, 2005
Once more- Joey!
Current mood: curious
Yes, yes. This post is for my wonderful girlfriend, Joey.
She went to the Renaissance Festival the other day and bought me a metal rose. It's a helluva lot cooler than it sounds. It's like, some kind of thin metal (probably aluminum) that's been bent into the shape of a rose and it even has a scent in the middle of it like a real flower! What a sweetheart. ^_^ I asked her to sing for me over the phone. She complied. It was great. She's great. We've set a minimum limit of how long we're going to be together. Valentines Day. Yes, I hate v-day with a passion, especially since that's the minimum mark I set with my last girlfriend, which we didn't make. Not even close. I'm kinda scared...no...worried that things will fall apart before then, even though we're showing no signs of trouble (yet?). I'm sorry, I'm just cynical when it comes to relationships. *shrugs*
COMMENTS: The rose sounds cool...as far as the relationship thing goes...only time will tell.
Sincerily,
TOXIK
(Strider)
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005
BLOOD AND TEARS
Current mood: bitchy
I'm so sick and tired of being so damn serious all the time. I want to get high so that I can be carefree and worry free. I actually take my feelings to heart. Hell, I actually have strong feelings for people. I want to stay detatched. I want to forget about Liz. I can be her friend now, by the way. I went and saw her today and I didn't recognize her. No emotions (no strong ones) came about until after I'd left and was in the car again. She was...idk. Who cares, right?
Welcome to the wonderful world of Joy's MySpace. It's where she dumps all her shit at the end of the day. For a more realistic impression of her, please call 281-374-8289 or visit her at home, school, or IHOP.
For best results, attempt to communicate with her between the hours of 9am and noon or anytime after sunset.
Best of luck
- - -Joy- - -
COMMENTS: I am sorry you hurt. It's hard to have things pent up though, if you want to vent I am here. (Ari)
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Thursday, May 11, 2006
Ahhh, bullshit.
Category: Life
HEY!!!
So it's been forever since I've checked my MySpace!
Nothing's changed on here... but my life has done a complete 360 and left me feeling like a little puppy chasing it's tail. Ahhhh!!!!!
Ok. So. My dad (in a nice way?) essentially kicked me out of his house. I'm now living with a 23yr old guy named Remie in the Woodlands.
My original plan was to go live with my 42-yr-old lesbian friend, Stacy. I guess .. well.. nevermind. Information that I shouldn't disclose online. But she gets into a lot of trouble! Man, it's rediculous. She's always needing the help and support of an 18-yr-old (namely ME) to get her through life. I love her, though. And that's not something I say lightly. I mean, I'm not IN love with her but I definitely love her. At the moment my defenses are up agianst most people- I'm afraid to fall in love because of Liz.
So, moving on, I'm going to need a new roommate as of August 15th. Any ideas anyone???
NO COMMENTS
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
What The Fuck?
Current mood: GUARDED
I wasn't born yesterday.
I didn't just get off the rubber bus.
I'm certainly not stupid
And I know you better than you think.
Like it...or...not.
She thought that I was stupid
She thought I didn't know
She didn't seem to comprehend
I'd pack my bags and go
She played a game with fire
That now she will regret
Cause now I'm gonna give her
A scar she won't forget
I'm not a toy to play with
I'm not to be abused
I'm smart enough to notice
Just when I'm being used
COMMENTS: wow this is really good! and it even rhymes!! you are so good at writing poetry.... (Prat)
Haha wait...are you being sarcastic?? lol. Thanx Prat. (Me)
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
BROKEN RECORD
Current mood: utterly alone
Category: utterly alone Life
She played me really dirty
Her friends were in the game
She turned out to be worthless
It's really quite a shame
What's worse is that I bought it
The bullshit that she fed
There's just no creadibility
For ANYTHING she said
She never gave a rat's ass
For who I really am
I'M SO FED UP WITH TRUSTING
I just don't give a damn.
To make things worse, I just found out that my best friend from Kindergarted is DEAD. Died in a car accident two motherfuckin years ago. And did anyone bother to tell me? 'Course not....
"You gotta know I'm just a dot in this world. Have you forgot about me?"
I'm tired of compliments. Tired of "I love you's". So sick and tired of people pretending to care. Save your time and energy on me because I'm not gonna buy it anymore! You think you give a shit about me? PROVE IT!
"What are you fucking crying for???"
--Dad to me
COMMENTS: ptchhhhhh... sista, i got yo back!! and you better know it! NO ONE messes with my sister but ME! ;-) (Prat)
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
Songs for Some
Here are some songs that reminded me of specific people. Just thought I'd throw this out there:
Stacy: Nickelback- "What You Do"
Hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer, can't make this all go away. now that you're bleeding yo ustare at the ceiling and watch as it all fades away for what you do, because of you.
You know I can't be there each time that you call. I swore not to come but I'm here after all. I know by the look that I see in your eye. I won't stand around and I won't watch you die for what you do.
Now that you did this you ask for forgiveness. Doctor could you be my priest. Say you're mistaken but look what you've taken. You laugh as you lie through your teeth for what you do. Because of you.
You know I can't be there each time that you fall. I swore not to come but I'm here after all. I know by the look that I see in your eye. I won't stand around and I won't watch you die for what you do.
Hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer. Can't make this all go away. Now that you're bleeding you stare at the ceiling, watch as it all fades away.
Dad: Linkin Park- "Numb"
I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless. Lost under the surface. I don't know what you're expecting of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control. Cuz everything that you thought I would be is falling apart right in front of you. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. And every second I waste is more than I can take. I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all i want to do is be more like me and be less like you. And I know I may end up failing, too. But I know that you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.
Mom: Martina McBride- "Concrete Angel"
She walks to school with a lunch she packed. Nobody knows what she's holdin' back. Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday. She hides the bruises with linen and lace. The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask. It's hard to see the pain behind the mask. Bearin' the burded of a secret storm. Sometimes she wishes she was never born.
Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved. Concrete Angel.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night. The neighbors hear but they turn out the light. A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate. When mornin' comes it'll be too late.
Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved. Concrete Angel.
A statue stands in a shaded place. An angel girl with an upturned face. A name is written on a polished rock. A broken heart that the world forgot.
Tiffany T: Evanescence- "Hello"
Playground school bell rings again. Rainclouds come to play again. Has no one told you she's not breathing? Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to. Hello.
If I smile and don't believe, soon I know I'll wake from this dream. Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken. Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide. Don't cry.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping. Hello, I'm still here. All that's left of yesterday.
Prat: Evanescence- "Imaginary"
I linger in the doorway of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name. Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me. Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story.
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos- your reality. I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge, the nightmare I built my own world to escape.
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Kittie: Evanescence- "Whisper"
Catch me as I fall. Say you're here and it's all over now. Speaking to the atmosphere. No one's here and I fall into myself. This truth drives me into madness. I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away. If I will it all away. Don't turn away, don't give into the pain. Don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name. Don't close your eyes, god knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the lights. Never sleep, never die.
I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come. Immobilized by my fear. And soon to be blinded by tears. I can stop the pain if I will it all away. If I will it all away.
Don't turn away, don't give in to the pain. Don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name. Don't close your eyes, god knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the lights, never sleep never die.
Falling angels at my feet. Whispering voices at my ear. Death before my eyes, lying next to me I fear. She beckons me should I give in? Before my end should I begin? Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end.
NO COMMENTS
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
My Theme Song
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
What Its Like - Everlast
Verse 1
We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for
your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full
of mange
He asks a man for what he could spare, with shame
in his eyes
"Get a job you fucking slob," is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to
sing the blues
Chorus
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what's it like
Verse 2
Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said
he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll
I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return
her calls
And she swear, "God damn, if I find that man I'm
cuttin' off his balls."
And then she heads for the clinic and
she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to
have to choose
Chorus
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what's it like
Bridge
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times
before I broke their heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on
where you start
Verse 3
I knew this kid named Max
who used to get fat stacks out on the corner with
drugs
He liked to hang out late
he liked to get shit-faced and keep the pace with
thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight and
Max lost his head
He pulled out his colt.45, talked some shit, and
wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of
all of this pain
You know it crumbles that way
at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the
news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to
have to lose
Chorus
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Yeah then you really might know what's it like
To have the blues
NO COMMENTS
I'm a goat on the inside, not a sheep (inside joke)
Current mood: cold
Don't know where the hell the word "blog" came from, but whatever.
I like watching people. They can do the stupidest things.
There's one person I'm tired of trying to talk to. I fucking hate sitting there, not being able to think of anything to say, and niether can she. Maybe we're not cut out to be friends.
I'm such a lazy bitch. I'm always busy now. And when I'm not busy, I'm thinking about all the people I could be obsessed with, but I'm not. Seems I'm either obsessed with someone or I don't really care that much. Does that make me a bad person?
COMMENTS: the word blog is short for the word weblog, as in to log something on the web...the we was removed because that's what seems to happen to words online. (Ari)
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Sunday, October 09, 2005
bleed me to death
Current mood: curious
well, seeing as no one seems to read these anyway, I guess I can mention that I'm actually love a girl. She managed to leap the high wall surrounding my heart... now I'm fucking scared to DEATH that she's going to walk away with my heart. I'm so nervous now when I think about her. (Her name's Joey, by the way.) It's like a part of me wants to just run, but another part of me wants to go all out for her and be everything she wants me to be. "I'm a loser baby, so why doncha kill me"
www.quizilla.com is an interesting place to take quizzes. They amuse me.
COMMENTS: Oh, ha ha ha ha ha....
No.
I will stab you. Grr.
(Joey)
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Saturday, October 15, 2005
Once more- Joey!
Current mood: curious
Yes, yes. This post is for my wonderful girlfriend, Joey.
She went to the Renaissance Festival the other day and bought me a metal rose. It's a helluva lot cooler than it sounds. It's like, some kind of thin metal (probably aluminum) that's been bent into the shape of a rose and it even has a scent in the middle of it like a real flower! What a sweetheart. ^_^ I asked her to sing for me over the phone. She complied. It was great. She's great. We've set a minimum limit of how long we're going to be together. Valentines Day. Yes, I hate v-day with a passion, especially since that's the minimum mark I set with my last girlfriend, which we didn't make. Not even close. I'm kinda scared...no...worried that things will fall apart before then, even though we're showing no signs of trouble (yet?). I'm sorry, I'm just cynical when it comes to relationships. *shrugs*
COMMENTS: The rose sounds cool...as far as the relationship thing goes...only time will tell.
Sincerily,
TOXIK
(Strider)
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005
BLOOD AND TEARS
Current mood: bitchy
I'm so sick and tired of being so damn serious all the time. I want to get high so that I can be carefree and worry free. I actually take my feelings to heart. Hell, I actually have strong feelings for people. I want to stay detatched. I want to forget about Liz. I can be her friend now, by the way. I went and saw her today and I didn't recognize her. No emotions (no strong ones) came about until after I'd left and was in the car again. She was...idk. Who cares, right?
Welcome to the wonderful world of Joy's MySpace. It's where she dumps all her shit at the end of the day. For a more realistic impression of her, please call 281-374-8289 or visit her at home, school, or IHOP.
For best results, attempt to communicate with her between the hours of 9am and noon or anytime after sunset.
Best of luck
- - -Joy- - -
COMMENTS: I am sorry you hurt. It's hard to have things pent up though, if you want to vent I am here. (Ari)
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Thursday, May 11, 2006
Ahhh, bullshit.
Category: Life
HEY!!!
So it's been forever since I've checked my MySpace!
Nothing's changed on here... but my life has done a complete 360 and left me feeling like a little puppy chasing it's tail. Ahhhh!!!!!
Ok. So. My dad (in a nice way?) essentially kicked me out of his house. I'm now living with a 23yr old guy named Remie in the Woodlands.
My original plan was to go live with my 42-yr-old lesbian friend, Stacy. I guess .. well.. nevermind. Information that I shouldn't disclose online. But she gets into a lot of trouble! Man, it's rediculous. She's always needing the help and support of an 18-yr-old (namely ME) to get her through life. I love her, though. And that's not something I say lightly. I mean, I'm not IN love with her but I definitely love her. At the moment my defenses are up agianst most people- I'm afraid to fall in love because of Liz.
So, moving on, I'm going to need a new roommate as of August 15th. Any ideas anyone???
NO COMMENTS
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
What The Fuck?
Current mood: GUARDED
I wasn't born yesterday.
I didn't just get off the rubber bus.
I'm certainly not stupid
And I know you better than you think.
Like it...or...not.
She thought that I was stupid
She thought I didn't know
She didn't seem to comprehend
I'd pack my bags and go
She played a game with fire
That now she will regret
Cause now I'm gonna give her
A scar she won't forget
I'm not a toy to play with
I'm not to be abused
I'm smart enough to notice
Just when I'm being used
COMMENTS: wow this is really good! and it even rhymes!! you are so good at writing poetry.... (Prat)
Haha wait...are you being sarcastic?? lol. Thanx Prat. (Me)
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
BROKEN RECORD
Current mood: utterly alone
Category: utterly alone Life
She played me really dirty
Her friends were in the game
She turned out to be worthless
It's really quite a shame
What's worse is that I bought it
The bullshit that she fed
There's just no creadibility
For ANYTHING she said
She never gave a rat's ass
For who I really am
I'M SO FED UP WITH TRUSTING
I just don't give a damn.
To make things worse, I just found out that my best friend from Kindergarted is DEAD. Died in a car accident two motherfuckin years ago. And did anyone bother to tell me? 'Course not....
"You gotta know I'm just a dot in this world. Have you forgot about me?"
I'm tired of compliments. Tired of "I love you's". So sick and tired of people pretending to care. Save your time and energy on me because I'm not gonna buy it anymore! You think you give a shit about me? PROVE IT!
"What are you fucking crying for???"
--Dad to me
COMMENTS: ptchhhhhh... sista, i got yo back!! and you better know it! NO ONE messes with my sister but ME! ;-) (Prat)
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
Songs for Some
Here are some songs that reminded me of specific people. Just thought I'd throw this out there:
Stacy: Nickelback- "What You Do"
Hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer, can't make this all go away. now that you're bleeding yo ustare at the ceiling and watch as it all fades away for what you do, because of you.
You know I can't be there each time that you call. I swore not to come but I'm here after all. I know by the look that I see in your eye. I won't stand around and I won't watch you die for what you do.
Now that you did this you ask for forgiveness. Doctor could you be my priest. Say you're mistaken but look what you've taken. You laugh as you lie through your teeth for what you do. Because of you.
You know I can't be there each time that you fall. I swore not to come but I'm here after all. I know by the look that I see in your eye. I won't stand around and I won't watch you die for what you do.
Hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer. Can't make this all go away. Now that you're bleeding you stare at the ceiling, watch as it all fades away.
Dad: Linkin Park- "Numb"
I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless. Lost under the surface. I don't know what you're expecting of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control. Cuz everything that you thought I would be is falling apart right in front of you. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. And every second I waste is more than I can take. I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all i want to do is be more like me and be less like you. And I know I may end up failing, too. But I know that you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.
Mom: Martina McBride- "Concrete Angel"
She walks to school with a lunch she packed. Nobody knows what she's holdin' back. Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday. She hides the bruises with linen and lace. The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask. It's hard to see the pain behind the mask. Bearin' the burded of a secret storm. Sometimes she wishes she was never born.
Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved. Concrete Angel.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night. The neighbors hear but they turn out the light. A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate. When mornin' comes it'll be too late.
Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved. Concrete Angel.
A statue stands in a shaded place. An angel girl with an upturned face. A name is written on a polished rock. A broken heart that the world forgot.
Tiffany T: Evanescence- "Hello"
Playground school bell rings again. Rainclouds come to play again. Has no one told you she's not breathing? Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to. Hello.
If I smile and don't believe, soon I know I'll wake from this dream. Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken. Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide. Don't cry.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping. Hello, I'm still here. All that's left of yesterday.
Prat: Evanescence- "Imaginary"
I linger in the doorway of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name. Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me. Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story.
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos- your reality. I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge, the nightmare I built my own world to escape.
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Kittie: Evanescence- "Whisper"
Catch me as I fall. Say you're here and it's all over now. Speaking to the atmosphere. No one's here and I fall into myself. This truth drives me into madness. I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away. If I will it all away. Don't turn away, don't give into the pain. Don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name. Don't close your eyes, god knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the lights. Never sleep, never die.
I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come. Immobilized by my fear. And soon to be blinded by tears. I can stop the pain if I will it all away. If I will it all away.
Don't turn away, don't give in to the pain. Don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name. Don't close your eyes, god knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the lights, never sleep never die.
Falling angels at my feet. Whispering voices at my ear. Death before my eyes, lying next to me I fear. She beckons me should I give in? Before my end should I begin? Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end.
NO COMMENTS
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
My Theme Song
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
What Its Like - Everlast
Verse 1
We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for
your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full
of mange
He asks a man for what he could spare, with shame
in his eyes
"Get a job you fucking slob," is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to
sing the blues
Chorus
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what's it like
Verse 2
Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said
he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll
I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return
her calls
And she swear, "God damn, if I find that man I'm
cuttin' off his balls."
And then she heads for the clinic and
she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to
have to choose
Chorus
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what's it like
Bridge
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times
before I broke their heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on
where you start
Verse 3
I knew this kid named Max
who used to get fat stacks out on the corner with
drugs
He liked to hang out late
he liked to get shit-faced and keep the pace with
thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight and
Max lost his head
He pulled out his colt.45, talked some shit, and
wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of
all of this pain
You know it crumbles that way
at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the
news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to
have to lose
Chorus
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Yeah then you really might know what's it like
To have the blues
NO COMMENTS