Turmoil...
It always seems as though my mind won't ever let me be happy. It's the same, tired rant as always, about me having everything I could seemingly ever want, yet still being unhappy. I could blame it on reminiscence (Which, amazingly, I spelled correctly the first time) of times past, loves lost, etc. I could blame it on not making enough money to buy all the gadgets I want, when I want them. That of course, leads to my job sucking, etc.
I suppose what bothers me most is that any of this bothers me to such a degree that at times, it's debilitating. I get so caught up in it all, that I find myself spinning in circles, not moving forward in any direction, let alone the direction I really want to.
The worst part is, I *know* that this is what is happening, and even then I seem powerless against it at times. It's like I Eyore everything, just to stymie myself. I suppose it stems down to self worth issues, which is nothing new to me. The problem is, every time I go to move past that, I doubt myself in that I wonder if everything I have now I've just "settled" for. Consciously, I know this isn't the case, but let's face facts: If I've not listened to reason up to this point, chances are slim to none that I'll listen to it now.
I suppose what bothers me most is that any of this bothers me to such a degree that at times, it's debilitating. I get so caught up in it all, that I find myself spinning in circles, not moving forward in any direction, let alone the direction I really want to.
The worst part is, I *know* that this is what is happening, and even then I seem powerless against it at times. It's like I Eyore everything, just to stymie myself. I suppose it stems down to self worth issues, which is nothing new to me. The problem is, every time I go to move past that, I doubt myself in that I wonder if everything I have now I've just "settled" for. Consciously, I know this isn't the case, but let's face facts: If I've not listened to reason up to this point, chances are slim to none that I'll listen to it now.