Some people just have no class
~.: I wish I had an icon that could effectively express the hurt that I feel. I found out today that my stepmom has gotten a new cat for her office.
~.: Yes, please allow yourself to process that for a moment. My stepmom, who is deathly allergic to cats, who was the reason I had to give mine away, has gotten a new cat for her office. Someone please explain to me how this makes any sense at all, and how this doesn't seem like a giant middle finger to my face with a laughing grin behind it?
~.: Please allow me to list all the things my stepmom has done to prove just how separate from the family I am:
1. Got pregnant (okay, maybe not intentionally, but it happened). Decided shortly after I had settled into my room in the new house that that was actually a better place for the new baby. In spite of my stepsister's offer to move into the basement and allow me to have her room, I was the one forced to move into the basement, which is, by the way, where everyone else keeps their stored stuff, including my stepbrother, who regularly hung out in the basement with his friends amidst all my stuff, and my stepsister, who moved her sugar gliders down there, and then never cleaned the cage so that my "room" effectively smelled like young boys and glider pee. The excuse my stepmom used was "I want to be able to monitor Tori when she's on the internet." .... Okay then.
2. Decided that it was appropriate to have me pay for her car payment (a full car payment) when I was using her car to occasionally look for jobs, or, when I had found one, travel to and from that job until I could afford to buy a car of my own.
3. When I was struggling to make ends meet because I had made a very unwise decision due to a very unwise relationship, and asked to move back in because I could no longer afford to live in a house with a roof on it and feed myself (seriously. I subsisted on peanut butter and borrowed spaghetti from my roommate for a good while), I was informed by my dad that my stepmom would want to charge me $400 a month. When I had too many bills and no job. When I would be living in the basement amidst everyone's toys and animals.
4. And now, of course the situation with the cat. Dolly had been able to stay at her office for a brief period of time before it was decided that it was too much trouble to keep her there, and she was given away to a friend of her paralegal. Now they have a new cat, and my dad's feeble attempt to excuse it is that now more people work at the office, and apparently that makes having a cat there less of a hassle (and apparently less of an allergy trigger to my stepmom's very serious cat allergy that could actually put her in the hospital or something).
~.: I feel like every one of these things has been an act of defiance to say that I am not a valued, wanted, or appreciated member of this new family. And what hurts even more is that my dad constantly makes excuses for her, or tries to explain it away.
~.: I just ... it's not fair. I keep thinking about it and wanting to cry. It's like I was forced to give up someone/something that I loved dearly for the sake of someone else's convenience, someone I don't even like, and then they turn around and replace that thing and it's okay because as long as it's not mine, it can be tolerated.
~.: It sucks to feel like you can't even see your own dad at his home because there's so much negative energy and you just feel like you're not welcome. I no longer want to visit for holidays, I no longer want to go just to spend the night or visit. And it sucks, because I miss my dad, I miss how he used to be, and I miss everything about our lives before he got remarried. We had a good relationship, we supported each other, and now it's just disagreement after disagreement, headbutt after headbutt. I feel like I am constantly trying to cling to the scraps of a better life that I had so many years ago, and piece by piece they just get ripped or blown away. Things have definitely improved in the last few months, but all the important things I feel like I'm missing now I can't get back. I don't know if this is just a part of growing up and becoming an adult, or if there are just parts of my life that royally suck more than for other people.
~.: Yes, please allow yourself to process that for a moment. My stepmom, who is deathly allergic to cats, who was the reason I had to give mine away, has gotten a new cat for her office. Someone please explain to me how this makes any sense at all, and how this doesn't seem like a giant middle finger to my face with a laughing grin behind it?
~.: Please allow me to list all the things my stepmom has done to prove just how separate from the family I am:
1. Got pregnant (okay, maybe not intentionally, but it happened). Decided shortly after I had settled into my room in the new house that that was actually a better place for the new baby. In spite of my stepsister's offer to move into the basement and allow me to have her room, I was the one forced to move into the basement, which is, by the way, where everyone else keeps their stored stuff, including my stepbrother, who regularly hung out in the basement with his friends amidst all my stuff, and my stepsister, who moved her sugar gliders down there, and then never cleaned the cage so that my "room" effectively smelled like young boys and glider pee. The excuse my stepmom used was "I want to be able to monitor Tori when she's on the internet." .... Okay then.
2. Decided that it was appropriate to have me pay for her car payment (a full car payment) when I was using her car to occasionally look for jobs, or, when I had found one, travel to and from that job until I could afford to buy a car of my own.
3. When I was struggling to make ends meet because I had made a very unwise decision due to a very unwise relationship, and asked to move back in because I could no longer afford to live in a house with a roof on it and feed myself (seriously. I subsisted on peanut butter and borrowed spaghetti from my roommate for a good while), I was informed by my dad that my stepmom would want to charge me $400 a month. When I had too many bills and no job. When I would be living in the basement amidst everyone's toys and animals.
4. And now, of course the situation with the cat. Dolly had been able to stay at her office for a brief period of time before it was decided that it was too much trouble to keep her there, and she was given away to a friend of her paralegal. Now they have a new cat, and my dad's feeble attempt to excuse it is that now more people work at the office, and apparently that makes having a cat there less of a hassle (and apparently less of an allergy trigger to my stepmom's very serious cat allergy that could actually put her in the hospital or something).
~.: I feel like every one of these things has been an act of defiance to say that I am not a valued, wanted, or appreciated member of this new family. And what hurts even more is that my dad constantly makes excuses for her, or tries to explain it away.
~.: I just ... it's not fair. I keep thinking about it and wanting to cry. It's like I was forced to give up someone/something that I loved dearly for the sake of someone else's convenience, someone I don't even like, and then they turn around and replace that thing and it's okay because as long as it's not mine, it can be tolerated.
~.: It sucks to feel like you can't even see your own dad at his home because there's so much negative energy and you just feel like you're not welcome. I no longer want to visit for holidays, I no longer want to go just to spend the night or visit. And it sucks, because I miss my dad, I miss how he used to be, and I miss everything about our lives before he got remarried. We had a good relationship, we supported each other, and now it's just disagreement after disagreement, headbutt after headbutt. I feel like I am constantly trying to cling to the scraps of a better life that I had so many years ago, and piece by piece they just get ripped or blown away. Things have definitely improved in the last few months, but all the important things I feel like I'm missing now I can't get back. I don't know if this is just a part of growing up and becoming an adult, or if there are just parts of my life that royally suck more than for other people.