What a waste
~.: Well, today has been a sufficient waste of a day. I spent the entire day crying. I woke up, checked my email, and immediately began sobbing. I cried while updating LJ, cried in the shower, cried through brushing my teeth, cried on the phone to my dad, cried on the phone to my mom, cried to my roommates, cried while looking at jobs (but not applying -- I have a headache and am in no mood for HI! I'M UPBEAT AND EXCITING AND REALLY REALLY WANT TO WORK THIS CRAPPY DESK JOB FOR BARELY MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD). I'm not tired enough to go to sleep, but not motivated enough to do more than stare at the wall. I have a sinus headache from crying all day. I feel like a terrible person because I'm inconveniencing my mom who can't afford to send me money, but is anyway, and I feel like crap because my dad is willing to pay me pity money to come sit at the house in Fredericksburg while Ben sleeps. As kind as my friends are, I'm kinda feeling pitied, and I don't want pity; I want a solution. When I complain that I haven't eaten in almost two days, I don't want anyone to jump and provide me with food -- I just want them to understand the severity of my situation and know that I'm not actually a bitch, I'm just suffering from low blood sugar. I don't want to hear about anyone else's tax refunds, I don't want to hear how my roommates are getting almost $2000 back or how my ex-boyfriend is getting $5000 back when I'm stuck with money that will barely keep me fed for a month.
~.: I'm sick of everything, and I'm sick of my dad telling me I have no right to complain because this is all my fault to begin with. Thanks, Dad. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have dated a guy who treated me like crap. Maybe I shouldn't have let him make me feel like I needed to do something more with my life. Maybe I shouldn't have started sleeping with him so it lowered my self-esteem and made me feel like even less of a decent human being. Because now I'm depressed again today, feel like a leech on society and my friends, and just want to stop existing until someone better than Obama comes along to fix our fucking country so that people like me aren't in this situation. I'm confined to a very small geographical area because I can't afford the gas it takes to interview somewhere far away when I know I'm not going to get hired so I can put that gas back in my car.
~.: Oh! OH! And can I just talk about how my previous supervisor screwed me over by NOT TURNING IN MY TIMESHEET SO I DIDN'T GET PAID ON FRIDAY?? :DDDDD FUCK HER WITH SOMETHING HARD AND SANDPAPERY I hate everything. I hope she loses the same amount of money as me in some horrible freak accident. She deserves it. I hate her forever.
~.: I'm sick of everything, and I'm sick of my dad telling me I have no right to complain because this is all my fault to begin with. Thanks, Dad. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have dated a guy who treated me like crap. Maybe I shouldn't have let him make me feel like I needed to do something more with my life. Maybe I shouldn't have started sleeping with him so it lowered my self-esteem and made me feel like even less of a decent human being. Because now I'm depressed again today, feel like a leech on society and my friends, and just want to stop existing until someone better than Obama comes along to fix our fucking country so that people like me aren't in this situation. I'm confined to a very small geographical area because I can't afford the gas it takes to interview somewhere far away when I know I'm not going to get hired so I can put that gas back in my car.
~.: Oh! OH! And can I just talk about how my previous supervisor screwed me over by NOT TURNING IN MY TIMESHEET SO I DIDN'T GET PAID ON FRIDAY?? :DDDDD FUCK HER WITH SOMETHING HARD AND SANDPAPERY I hate everything. I hope she loses the same amount of money as me in some horrible freak accident. She deserves it. I hate her forever.