wut

[fushigi_na_chou]

~.: I'm still not even sure what just happened. I blame my uterus for the confusion, but somehow I have said something offensive. I wish I could articulate ... anything going on in my head right now, but I don't think I even fully understand what's going on there. I feel like I broke something, accidentally, and I'm irritated that I can't just fix it. It's frustrating because I had my hopes too and I feel like I'm not allowed to have them and it's my own fault because I'm the only one holding myself back, but isn't it the same for him? I don't even know. I'm just so mad! I don't understand. And I just feel like crying and I can't cuz I'm at work and David is a big fat stupid meanie head and I don't know if this means I care more than I initially thought but I don't make claims on people I can't actually visit/see/touch/cuddle with. I was trying to be logical. Why should that mean that things have to change? I don't understand how "just so you know, you can do whatever you want because right now we can technically only be friends, even though we like each other alot" translates to "Actually, I don't like you all that much." It just means I'm trying to be logical, because you're far away and it would be stupid of me to expect you to act any differently because of some girl on the other side of the ocean. I don't know. I guess it makes sense if I think about it. But not really.

~.: Now all the butterflies are gone. I'm pissed. This night sucks. Gonna metaphorically go home and cry now.