Fanfic. In Excelsis. pt ii.
Title: In Excelsis. ii.
Authors: sypherus_xiii and gambino
Pairing: HakyeonxTaekwoon, implied HakyeonxWonshik
Rating: NC-17. (Later for graphic violent images and sexual themes.)
Summary: "Taekwoon… how much do you know about me?" The next instant his fingertips are tracing over the slant of a cheek, right along the bone perfectly clothed by soft skin. "How much do you wanna know?"
In which Taekwoon is forced to attend the office Christmas Party and drinks too much wine. 10,5k words.
Disclaimer: This fiction was created for our own personal perverse desires in which we decided to share it with the rest of the world. It can also be more appropriately dubbed Murder Boyfriends. You've been warned.
Here! Have some light New Year's reading! Enjoy!
part i.
No expense was spared for the annual Christmas party. Private space had been rented out in one of the city's top night spots and the bar open. They didn't have many social functions within the company which is why when they did, the people in charge tended to throw these sort of lavish parties. Free food, free drinks, an excuse to call a babysitter and go out for the night. And for the first time in two years, it would seem that everyone was there.
Everyone.
Taekwoon stands in the entryway looking none too pleased with the situation. It had taken over a week of persuasion from the man on his right to get him to come out to this party. He should have seen it coming when he'd given in to the lunches out of the office. The way Hakyeon would subtly mention that he couldn't wait for the Christmas party or asked him if he'd heard where the Christmas party was going to be and then suddenly, a few days earlier, Hakyeon had flat out told him he should come. Taekwoon can't remember the exact argument that was used. All he remembers is that Hakyeon was talking a lot and he wanted him to stop doing that and so he'd agreed.
Yes, he'd been spending a lot more time than he'd first anticipated with the smaller man. It's gotten to the point where, on days when Hakyeon doesn't pop up at his cubicle around noon to ask what he wants to eat that day, it starts to feel odd. It's a difficult concept for Taekwoon to fully grasp but it's an obvious truth that Hakyeon has, somehow, managed to worm his way into a small corner of his mind. This man who he should, by all rights, be entirely annoyed by is so... charming to him. The way he smiles and the way he carries himself--interacts with others in general.
Though it isn't for the same reason that others find themselves so charmed by Hakyeon. It's not the smiles themselves that get him or the words he speaks but it's how he does everything. There's this layer of mystery to it all. Of deception. He still hasn't been able to peel those layers back and get a look inside the man that Hakyeon is clearly trying to hide so well with his outward disposition.
I hate this already. Taekwoon thinks to himself as they step in to the party. He can feel the eyes of coworkers on him and he can hear people whispering, muttering, wondering what he's actually doing there. The stoic man can hardly blame him. He's never come to a party or a dinner the entire time he's worked there. Hell, if they're celebrating with a cake in the office for someone's birthday it's rare Taekwoon joins them unless he's particularly craving something sweet that day. College had turned him off of this sort of thing; meaningless connections with people who, at the end of the day, went home and didn't care about him. There's so much more honesty in not subjecting himself to things like this. In not subjecting himself to people.
At least he has Hakyeon. There's some small sense of comfort in the fact that they'd come together so that when he feels particulatrly uncomfortable in the crowd, he'll at least have someone to figuratively hide behind. He looks to the other man, tugging at the sleeves of his black button-up shirt.
Wearing a three-piece suit, stepping it up a notch from the daily attires of work, Hakyeon stays by Taekwoon for the first half hour. That's because he can sense when the other would stiffen a little the second Hakyeon would step away, even just a few feet in favor of piling his small paper plate with chocolate covered strawberries. The little stems litter the edges of his plate as he comes back from a third round.
Taekwoon's eyes don't really leave Hakyeon when he moves away from him to collect more of those strawberries but they definitely avert their attention elsewhere when he comes back and resumes eating them.
"Do you even recognize these people?" he asks the other male, softly laughing at how Taekwoon really tried to stand at the edge of the crowd as much as possible, shifting ever-so-slightly when there'd be a group of tipsy chattering co-workers passing by, greeting Hakyeon with wide smiles and clinks of glasses in cheers.
Taekwoon passes the wine glass that belongs to Hakyeon back over to him and takes a long sip from his own, shaking his head to the question. A glass of wine isn't going to inhibit his driving too much and the food and drinks are one of the main reasons he actually agreed to come to this party.
That and spending time with Hakyeon.
Which he won't admit to himself.
Gaze moving over the crowd, Hakyeon suddenly leans in to murmur furtively to Taekwoon. "Minah's been looking over here all night…. at you," he clarifies, leaning away to give another co-worker a raise of glass in greeting.
The mentioned girl is standing across the room, a glass of champagne in her hand as she's standing close to a few other girls. She's the only one looking their way, and if one stared closely they'd see her stare wasn't directed at Hakyeon as expected, but at the lone man awkwardly trying to take up as little space as he could. She smiles the second she notices Taekwoon look over, then one of the girls with her grabs her arm as she's telling her something enthusiastically.
"Did you see that? It's the three-second look. If a girl looks at you for three seconds, it means she's interested. You should say hi," Hakyeon encourages. He's not the type to matchmake, but after growing a little closer to Taekwoon over the past couple of weeks, he's seen how caught up the other is in work and although he apparently goes on frequent runs, the other needs something more that'll help unravel the obvious tension he's always holding.
When Hakyeon points Minah out to him, Taekwoon looks across the room at her. The confusion he feels isn't written in his stoic expression. Who is she? Does she work with them--he assumes so since Hakyeon knows her name but he's finding it difficult to place her. Either way, he looks back to Hakyeon. "I'm not interested in her, though." He states as if this were a perfectly normal thing to say when it comes to a woman being interested. In truth, he's been moved by very few people in his life and Minah would just never be one of them.
The way Taekwoon was so direct about his disinterest, renders Hakyeon to snort before a reprimanding, "Yaaaah. That's the point. You get to know her and then interest might start. …Maybe." This is Taekwoon, so he really isn't sure about that. As one hand holds his wine glass and balances his paper plate between his forefinger and middle one, his empty arm raises to smoothly loop about the other's shoulder. With his hand squeezing into the opposite bicep, he turns to peer at the other, lips outlining a smile. "Sometimes you need to unwind. Even if it's just for one night." The words are so soft that even someone who'd pass by would have to listen closely to catch any part of it. "So drink more wine. If you can't drive, there's always a taxi."
Unwind? Is he wound tightly? Taekwoon's always wondered that about himself. He thinks he's wound just the right amount-- that it's the rest of the world that's wound too loosely. On second thought, that doesn't seem to be incredibly logical. He takes another sip of the wine. He wants to comment with something along the lines of why, so I can be a drunk mess like you?, but that isn't exactly fair of him to say. Hakyeon hadn't been a real mess at all. He's seen far messier.
After his arm drops from Taekwoon, he hears someone addressing him, "Hakyeon-hyung." Looking over he sees Wonshik crossing right over, the delicate edges of their glasses tapping when he approaches.
"Wonshikkie~ enjoying the party?" His gaze is focusing on the newcomer, dragging from his foreign leather dress shoes to the clean way his smokey blue suit holds to his frame, his light blue collared shirt undone a couple of buttons for some breathing room. Hakyeon reaches up, fingering the open part of his collar. "No tie? You could've worn a cheesy Christmas tie complete with snowmen." Laughing at that idea of the other wearing one with the nice tailored suit, his hand drops, not without his fingers grazing the lapel of the jacket.
"No way, hyung. I come with style. I gotta be the best dressed here…" the other's eyes do a sweep-over of Hakyeon, "other than you."
Even if Taekwoon wanted to say something about the fact that an interest wouldn't start and that he'd just be wasting his and Minah's time equally, there's no chance for him too when Wonshik approaches them. He's used to people not bothering to say hello to him because they already know what to expect. That isn't the part that gets under his skin. For some reason, it just bothers him to watch Hakyeon act like this with the younger man. He downs the rest of his wine in his glass and stares at it as if wondering why it wasn't automatically refilling itself.
The way they naturally banter and laugh is obvious that it's not the first time they've interacted like this. In fact, the light touches that Hakyeon keeps doing, his fingertips so easily lifting to hold onto the other's upper arm and squeeze to brace himself in his moment of giggling too hard, or how Wonshik even takes one of his strawberries and feeds him--it's certainly not a newly blossomed relationship that's reached beyond co-workers.
Taekwoon’s gaze moves from the glass to Wonshik and then to the back of Hakyeon's head as if he were trying to stare his thoughts right into him. When he's fed the strawberry is when Taekwoon decides that this has certainly gone far enough and he takes a step forward, standing at Hakyeon's side. "Hello, Wonshik-ssi,” he says in a calm, neutral tone, greeting someone first at a party for the first time in his adult life.
Both of them. Are taken aback. For different reasons. Wonshik for the surface-level obvious reason, that Taekwoon's never greeted him off his own initiative since the first day he strolled into the office. And for Hakyeon because he knows there's a reason why Taekwoon didn't remain quiet at the side. As he watches Wonshik bow his head with a slightly flustered 'hello-sunbae' back, Hakyeon masks his surprise so easily with a comment to the empty wine glass. "Uwa, you're already done with it? Let me get you another." And he takes it from Taekwoon's hand before he has a chance to deny, smiling at them both as he spins on his heel and heads to the refreshments table just meters away.
Before Taekwoon can argue the other leaving him there with Wonshik he's already gone with his wine glass. He has to hold back the sigh of frustration that he wants to let out, far too annoyed with this current situation.
Hakyeon needs the space away, so he can observe exactly what's going on. Tossing his empty plate, finishing off his own wine, he moves to the end where the bartenders are stationed and glances over to the two left alone.
The simple part of his mind is already placing reasons and assumptions into the situation, that Taekwoon is feeling the wine and actually learning to be friendly. Simple. Easy. No need to think deeper right now when he for once isn't trying to plot moves and gain the next step. If he's being honest, he really is trying to 'unwind' in a different manner tonight.
Hakyeon's always been a weakling for the holidays anyway, a human vein in his heart having always longed for the yearly time that seems to bring happiness and warmth to normal families, something he never experienced. So why not make up for it in his adult life where he holds the reigns? Yes, this was a mental pep talk he did for himself as the glasses of wine are poured and he's making his way back over, shifting between the two as the distance closes.
The conversation that this leaves him with is awkward at best and downright painful at its worst. They talk briefly about deadlines and meeting them and how things have changed in the recent months and Taekwoon wants to walk away so badly but he's hoping that maybe, if he keeps this up long enough, Wonshik's own discomfort will have him walking away.
No such luck.
"Hey~ friends yet?" Hakyeon asks, probably a completely awkward question to ask but he hands the wine back to Taekwoon, not meeting the other's eyes like he'd usually do. Instead his eyes raise towards Wonshik's, lips spreading slowly into a smile that's not prompted by anything in particular. "You still have to tell me about the movie so I can decide if I want to watch it." And now Hakyeon's already trying to nudge Wonshik to start moving, to start walking, to start leaving. "We'll be back," he glances at Taekwoon so briefly, a curve still to his lips, but he's turning back to Wonshik so quickly that it doesn't even matter, his steps matching the younger male's as they head off between the mingling crowd to another group.
Taekwoon thinks he's never been so relieved to see someone as he is when Hakyeon's back. It only lasts a moment though and then he's leaving him again. Only this time, it's with Wonshik at his side. All Taekwoon can do is nod his head once to show he understood and then he's left there. Alone. Eyes still watching Hakyeon walk away from him. He takes a large sip of wine.
After spending several minutes talking to several other office workers, a couple Hakyeon has never met for they work on television media, he finally slips off with Wonshik. It’s easy to find a terrace that leads outside, this rented out hotel ballroom just one part to a conglomerate hotel. He just needs the fresh air, wanting to breathe. The chilling wind blows at his features as he listens to Wonshik ramble about last year's party. His mind's in another place. Two places, really.
On one side he's trying to decode the mystery about Taekwoon. Even after bombarding his way into the other's life, it was never anything personal. Neither of them shared anything far-reaching, and he's wondering how much of a reliable support he will be. Taekwoon's not at a level yet where he'll take a bullet for him. So how… how is he going to bring him there.
Then the other side is drifting back to what's always in the back of his mind. Kwon Jiyong. Mid-20s. Does illegal drugs like cocaine. Is trying to start up his own business. His commodity? Women. Although he only has a couple of girls under his belt, Hakyeon can clearly remember the night of him walking along the street in Gangnam, hearing a woman's cries and when he followed the sound, he saw this Kwon Jiyong throw a young woman to the ground, her dress so short and heels so high that he was positive she sprained an ankle along with the scrapes to her legs.
"Hyung?" Hakyeon looks over to Wonshik, taken away from his recollection. "Ready to go back inside? Your nose and cheeks… they're… well you must be cold."
Reaching up immediately, he feels how frozen his features have become and peering at Wonshik he sees the other's arms wrapped about his chest, the tremble of shivers visible. "Ahh.. Sorry. Let's go back~!" he offers a cheerful smile and pulls him along. His hair a little out of place despite his efforts to piece any stray individual strands back to how it originally was, he's less concerned about the way his nose is just slightly runny now. He just sniffs it back up and shoots Wonshik a threatening scowl when he's teased about it.
Back inside, when Taekwoon feels delicate fingers tap him on the shoulder, he makes a noise of distaste but turns around anyway. Looking down, the woman in front of him is the woman Hakyeon had pointed out to him earlier. Minah? Sounds right. She's all energy and bubbles when she smiles at him, greeting him with a confident voice. "I didn't expect to see you here at the party, sunbae!" she says and Taekwoon nods his head, unsure of what to give for a reason when he doesn't fully understand the reason himself. When the reason walked away and left him there.
He manages to stumble through conversation with her--manages to stumble through her having conversation at him, rather. She seems utterly unfazed by his lack of words and the fact that he seems mildly disinterested at best. She's happy to continue on, talking about the big argument between managers that she'd overheard and then, somehow, they're on to the topic of her dog and Taekwoon just knew she had to be a dog person.
Dog People.
Salvation comes in the form of an empty wine glass (his own, hers had been empty for a while now and she'd done her best to make him take notice of this though it went straight over his head). He excuses himself, lies and says it was nice talking to her before he's ducking away, leaving the girl behind with a pout and narrowed eyes. He's at the bar, passing his glass to the bartender and when he fills it, Taekwoon doesn't move away. Instead, he stays in that area, keeping to himself at this point. He scans the crowd of people, trying to find Hakyeon and then he stops himself and decides to just keep his eyes set on his wine.
Taekwoon doesn't really notice the passage of time so much as he notices the passing of his glass back and forth to the bartender. It's sometime after three that he stops counting. Standing becomes an adventure all on its own. The party? Much more tolerable. There's some sense of amusement now from watching the intern Sanghyuk strike out something horribly with a girl whose name he probably never knew to begin with but couldn't, for the life of him, recall. The wine has loosened him up enough that when Sanghyuk approaches him to try and actually make conversation with him, Taekwoon doesn't mind it so much. The kid calls him hyung and Taekwoon doesn't bother correcting him though in the back of his mind he knows he may regret it come Monday. Despite being clumsy and only half-competent at his tasks, Sanghyuk's not an altogether untolerable person--
This wine is really starting to get to him.
The kid leaves him soon enough, in pursuit of another young thing who Taekwoon assumes must also be an intern. He thinks back to when he was Sanghyuk's age. When he was in college and still sought out these sorts of things. All the awkward times he'd been rejected and the few, even more awkward, times he wasn't. As he stares down his wine glass again, he wonders how things would be if he were different. If he had always had Sanghyuk's youthful spirit and courage and determination, even in the face of being terrible at something. If he weren't so consumed by a need he can't fight for perfection.
Hakyeon strolls back inside with Wonshik, scanning the crowd for Taekwoon. They've been at the party for long enough. As he tries to notion to Wonshik that he'll see him Monday at work, the younger male is just…. following him. Like an attached puppy that keeps touching the side of his jacket or pressing a hand to his cheek to see if it was still frozen. Since he's unable to lose him before spotting Taekwoon by the bar (of course), he trails over, that presence behind him hopefully not enforcing wrongful evidence. He knows any observant eyes (one like Taekwoon's) would notice the discolor of his cheeks and the misplacement of his hair in a few spots.
Hakyeon comes in to view over the rim of his glass and just as the man had been wary of, notices the things out of place first. It takes his mind to thoughts he can't entertain at the moment right then and there.
"Thanks for walking me back," Hakyeon says to Wonshik, now using his last method to get rid of him. "Taekwoon brought me here, so he'll take me home. I know Hongbin wanted to talk to you, so go find him." And he forces a smile that cracks at his lips, his cheeks feeling heavy and resistant but he pushes it out anyway and… Wonshik just nods at the both of them and greets them goodbye, finally understanding.
There's a sense of relief in the way that Hakyeon dismisses Wonshik. The last person at this party he wants to interact with-- except maybe Minah again.
Hakyeon sighs and for the first time in a while, he looks at Taekwoon, then down to his glass, then back up to him. "How many have you had? Too many to drive?" Completely different from earlier, he knows it's propelled by this novel need to… well that's it. It's a need. And it's new. One he's not up for trying to ignore right now.
"Ah." The noise comes out louder than he means it to-- louder than any noise has ever come out of him in Hakyeon's presence and to hide his embarrassment, he downs the rest of his glass, setting it finally on the bar top to be done with it. There's certainly no way he can drive and thinking about his car in the parking lot has him cursing mentally. He doesn't want to leave it there, but what can he do.
Well.
He reaches in to his back pocket and pulls out the valet ticket inside of it before pressing it to Hakyeon's hand. "Drive me home." He tells him, words just a little sloppy though still spoken in his usual soft voice. It's a big deal for him to let someone drive his car. To let someone know where he lives. To let someone do anything that involves being close to him but this is Hakyeon and the wine is the perfect wrecking ball for the steel-reinforced walls he tends to keep up and around himself.
“Oh," he doesn't jump when Taekwoon responds louder than his default expectation was of Taekwoon's voice. But he does startle a little, another, "Oh," drifting out when he sees the paper slip slipping into his fingers as he takes it. "Oh…" This was his opportunity, staring him right in the eye. "Oh-kay."
Standing had been nothing compared to the absolute hell that walking in a straight line has become for Taekwoon. He somehow makes it into the passenger seat of his car, and Hakyeon’s there, helping him buckle his seatbelt. But once it’s over, the other’s hand is suddenly elsewhere.
He tenses up, his body lights on fire when a hand is slipping over the back of his neck. His gaze is slightly out of focus, but it's set on Hakyeon, as much as the other man seems to move in his eyes. He doesn't think to push the hand away. He thinks about how warm it feels against his skin and how it's Hakyeon who's touching him like this. It feels like a small victory when his mind briefly flicks to the memory (warped now by alcohol) of Wonshik taking Hakyeon away from him earlier.
"Mmm… you're still quite warm. If you need to, crack the window since I'm going to put the heat on.” And then he hears Hakyeon pressing a few buttons. "Is this your place? You didn't program home as the office did you?"
A teasing remark that Taekwoon corrects with, "It's my apartment." He leans back against the seat, head tilted back to look up at the ceiling. Taekwoon can't honestly remember the last time he was this drunk, if ever. He'd drank wine tonight like it'd been water and he knows exactly what to blame it on and exactly what he will not blame it on. Even drunk, he's wildly stubborn when it comes to his own thoughts.
Hakyeon asks to make a short stop, explaining he should buy Taekwoon a hangoer medicine.. Stopping or not stopping doesn't matter much to Taekwoon. The way he sees it, he'll be drunk if they stop or drunk if they don't and if there's the promise of getting something to help him tomorrow (wine hangovers notoriously terrible) then why would he argue?
They eventually stop and Taekwoon waves a hand at Hakyeon when he leaves the car, head rolling down and his eyes opening so he can watch him as he walks away. It's a much different feeling that washes over him watching him walk away this time than it had been when he'd watched him leave with Wonshik.
Bored, sitting there in silence as he waits, Taekwoon reaches forward and presses the button to turn the radio on.
Inside the convenient store, Hakyeon is idly walking through the aisles, browsing through the snacks. He glances furtively to a figure the aisle over. Steps calculated but casual, when he notices the man beginning to move towards the register, he slips off as well and at the end of the aisle he takes one of the tiny medicine bottles. Reaching the counter first, he sets the items down and takes out his wallet. Hearing the total, he fishes out the needed cash but the change... he's short just a couple cents and biting his lower lip, he looks over to the man behind him.
All it takes is a show of his immaculately lined teeth and as his palm opens up, the guy gives him what he needs. Finishing his payment, he steps to the side and as he tears off the plastic to the little bottle (stalling), he walks outside, able to hold the door open for the guy who spared him change. "Hey, thanks… for that." The guy tells him it's nothing with a smile, and Hakyeon knows he's done his job here since the guy continues to stand there as he moves back to the car. He can feel eyes on the back of him as he opens the door and settles inside. "Here, drink this." He holds it out for Taekwoon. "Don't ask what it is, just drink it. Trust me."
"Siiiiilent niiiight~ Hooooly niiiight~" The song starts on the radio and Taekwoon sings along instantly. And then keeps singing along when it fades right in to another classic Christmas tune. He hears the door open and Hakyeon's back and Taekwoon actually smiles, continuing to sing in his soft way as the bottle is handed to him. He looks it over and pauses in his singing to ask him, "Are you trying to poison me?" It's a joke. Which is weird, coming from Taekwoon.
The singing though. Whether or not all the words are loud enough to hear above the volume (did he leave the car with the radio on?), the feeling in him rouses that drunk Taekwoon is… fun. And cute. Hakyeon always had allotted 'cute' in the descriptive adjectives for the other male, but fun wasn't exactly one of them. "Maybe~" he plays along, fastening his seatbelt and turning the key to start the car all the way. He waves to the guy from the store who finally leaves towards a white SUV.
Taekwoon tries to crack the seal on the bottle and when he finds that there is none, just twists the cap off and drinks down the contents. If it tastes good or bad, Taekwoon doesn't really know in this state. His eyes stay focused out the window, noticing the way Hakyeon waves to the other car and he thinks to ask him instantly, "A friend of yours?" Because he doesn't think that Hakyeon's ever mentioned knowing anyone in this city and this could be a new, small piece, of the Hakyeon puzzle.
When Taekwoon addresses him with that question, Hakyeon knows exactly what to say, too ecstatic that he's allowed to provide a glimpse to Taekwoon--a very important glimpse. "Nope, just met him. But I have a feeling I'll be seeing him again," his voice mellows out, eyes staring steadily as the white car reverses out of its spot and drives away.
They arrive at Taekwoon’s apartment building,, Hakyeon following the GPS. He parks at the first open spot in the garage, heading out of the car and hurrying to the other side because he knows Taekwoon's going to be confident over the wine. He's correct as he sees the car door already opening and, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" His hand quickly slides in to keep the door from swinging too wide and hitting the adjacent car. "Aigoo, look at you.” His other arm comes to slide around the other male's waist, shuffling back enough to shut the car door, keys in his grip as he starts to navigate to the entry doors.
Everything's automatic and nice. Clean and bright. The floors reflect the lights from above as they go to the elevators, the heels of their shoes unevenly clicking along because Hakyeon notices how Taekwoon is progressively getting heavier and heavier. Pressing the button, thankfully an elevator is waiting for them and he practically has to drag Taekwoon inside of the lift, sighing out as he makes sure they fall back against the wall, able to rest his arm and shoulder because his frame is smaller than the other's.
But the other's floor is high. One of the top floors. He assumes he wanted a higher level so he could be further away from the people down below. So it seems like forever that they're waiting, waiting, waiting…
Suddenly Hakyeon's in front of him. His hands, manicured and soft, are pressing into the wall of the elevator on each side of Taekwoon's lulling head. One of his hands is grabbing the other's chin, keeping him stable and within milliseconds it's nothing but Hakyeon's breath on his chin, his pine scent mixed with faint sweetness from his own wine, and then it's the warmth of his body surrounding Taekwoon that can give a whole other intoxication.
It's noses brushing and Hakyeon murmurs something that falls flat, Taekwoon unable to process exactly what he says, but that doesn't matter because the next thing he knows, is there's lips. Lips on his. Pliant and sure as they frame against the other's, lingering until they start moving and god, they move with fervency and tenderness and then a growing sense of need.
Taekwoon feels like he's drowning. Sinking. Like Hakyeon is the ocean and he's a fighter jet crashed nose first into the center of it. He feels like he's being sucked in. There's no chance for escape and he isn't entirely sure he wants it. No. He definitely doesn't. He wants Hakyeon to consume him whole. Swallow him up and leave no trace of him behind. Maybe he isn't the ocean. Maybe he's a fire and Taekwoon a pile of kindling coal, set ablaze by flaming fingertips touching him everywhere at once. Hands are everywhere, and it's like Hakyeon has multiple pairs, sweeping over his chest, to his hips, to the small of his back where the rail in the elevator is digging into his body right below. And it's Hakyeon, Hakyeon, Hakyeon---
DING!
Then there was nothing.
He's thrust back out of the ocean. The fire snuffed out. He's dizzier than he'd been before and he stares ahead of himself, bleary-eyed and confused. Had any of that really just happened?
"Oh! We're here," Hakyeon tries to teeter Taekwoon away from the wall, already noticing how the male beside him had closed his eyes and began to nod off. "C'mon," he whines a little, because his leg is suddenly extending, lunging forward to keep the door open while he's trying to hoist Taekwoon forward. "Just a bit further, we're almost there."
When he registers that Hakyeon is trying to move him forward he finally complies, squeezing past the insistent elevator doors and out into the space of the hall. His hall. The hall his apartment is on. So this is where they've ended up. He can't forget the way he felt in the elevator. The way Hakyeon had made him feel and when he slumps over against him again, seeking his support even as he stands at his own door, he leans in and quietly requests, "Set me on fire."
There's no actual metal on the key, just the engraved apartment number, looking like the remote key of a car but just as he lifts it to the sleek door, he hears words pouring down his neck, silken yet dangerous--and the door unlocks and sways open. Confused for a second as to why Taekwoon was making such a request, he effortlessly lumps it into the pile described as 'Drunk Taekwoon', a very different image of the other that he'll never unsee--well, he tries to lump it into that pile.
The door left ajar, the line of his eyes refusing to steer away from the other when he just now gauges the close proximity, he assesses the darkness of that gaze and he swears there's this smoldering cloudiness to them but he shakes his head immediately before he thinks further upon it, the blooming warmth crawling up his cheeks uncomfortable enough. "It's the wine talking. You're finally listening to my advice about loosening up." Brushing it off, he leads the other inside, so thankful that the lights are motion-sensor as they come on, dim but inviting still.
There's nothing unusual for Taekwoon about how ridiculously clean his apartment is. Between a strict maid schedule (strict in the fact that she's only allowed to come on Wednesday’s in the middle of the day-- a time when Taekwoon is certain he won't have to deal with her) and his own daily effort in keeping things tidy, it'd be almost impossible to find a mess. This is probably to be expected, flowing right along with the perceived notions of him most people have.
First he shakes his shoes off, then he's ordering Taekwoon to take his off. "Yah, hurry." He's focusing really hard on the floor, on his already discarded shoes and the other pair still on the other's feet. Despite not showing it, he is aware of the extra amount of heat Taekwoon's exuding, and he wants to air out his own shirt to breathe more easily.
Taekwoon’s socks had come off unintentionally in the process of removing his shoes but he's so very grateful for the modern conveniences of heated flooring. Taekwoon didn't have people to spend money on, really, and didn't have many vices in life so this is the kind of place he wound up able to afford.
The cleanliness of the apartment is what makes it so strange when he simply just tosses his jacket off but in his current state, he isn't thinking about placing it where it's supposed to go. He reaches up and loosens his tie, the top button of his shirt coming undone and then he just falls back to lean against the wall. Like he'd leaned against the elevator wall. He stares Hakyeon down, dark eyes carrying a new sort of darkness as he doesn't shy away from his gaze. It's the wine talking repeats in his head. Maybe it is. But he can't stop thinking about how badly the wine wants to run its hands all over Hakyeon's lithe body.
Hakyeon is about to head further inside but he's a little preoccupied with the way Taekwoon is staring at him. He's used to all kinds of intense looks, even ones that scream desire and others that just scream. But there's such a holistic depth to Taekwoon that he's never been able to fully penetrate; it brings the unwavering gaze to another level. He's good at ignoring and he's good at resisting what he wants to though, and even as he starts to walk along the small front way to the spacious living room, he feels that stare boring right into his back, past his skin and into the most vital of his organs--his heart that just continues to pound.
Sighing, he wonders why he had to choose Taekwoon out of all the people in the office. Wonshik could've been a likely choice, then again, Wonshik was a bit dumb and too naive.
"Where's your bedroom?" There were several closed doors that could've led to anything, and as much as he wanted to open them to find out the mysteries beyond, right now it was better to get out quickly. Just for the moment, he slips his outer coat off, setting it on the back of the leather couch, noting how even the glass coffee table didn't have any magazines, no signs of what interests Taekwoon. Then suddenly he hears a jingling of a bell and he sharply looks over to see a cat--"Oh! Wow, you're pretty." The cat hops up onto the arm of the couch, staring, meowing again as the feline eyes land on him.
His bedroom? Right. They're in his apartment. Taekwoon still can't believe he's this drunk as he continues to stumble forward. His gaze doesn't leave Hakyeon's back. Not even when he hears the jingling sound of his cat's collar (because if anything can distract Taekwoon, it's his cat). Taking a break from his pursuit of making it further into the apartment, Taekwoon stands with his side leaning against the wall. He reaches a hand out without realizing it, fingers curling as if he's trying to grab the other man but he's so far away from him. It's impossible. His hand falls again.
Hakyeon is about to reach out to pet the cat when he remembers there's a very drunken person with him who might need his help. Turning around, socks easily spinning on the waxed, hardwood floor, he starts to move back to Taekwoon who only made it a little away from the door.
There's something that's just (slightly) sobering about Hakyeon spinning around to look at him. Maybe sobering isn't the right word because, while it clears some of the fog from his mind, it only fills it in other ways; even more so when Hakyeon starts moving towards him and there's an inner monologue in his head that's something like, yes. closer., (he really is that creep). There's something inside of him that's been waiting for this release. Waiting for the acknowledgement of just how Hakyeon had latched on to his brain and burrowed inside.
Hakyeon's the one who had told him to loosen up.
"Do you need help walking?" he asks, too hesitant to draw in close unless it's absolutely necessary. Hakyeon rarely felt nervous, and even if he feels like he has full control of himself and the outcome of what could happen in the next ten minutes or so, he's still wary about the way his own body is reacting.
Taekwoon rejects the idea that he needs help walking with a wave of his hand and pushes himself away from the wall. The room's spinning, but he feels sturdy. With his gaze set so intensely on Hakyeon it's easy enough to start a straight(ish) path towards him. His head is screaming but the apartment is so silent, the dichotomy of it all overwhelming. He presses a hand against the back of the couch when he reaches it, leaning on it. He's close enough now that he could actually touch Hakyeon if he wants but he doesn't.
"Why are you here?"
It's not that he's forgotten that Hakyeon brought him home. It's that he doesn't understand why Hakyeon brought him home.
Now the way Taekwoon is looking at him feels like he's growing in suspicion, dying of curiosity to have questions answered, probably questions that started from day one when he asked him to lunch. "So I wouldn't have to worry about you falling asleep outside your door." He says it so straightforwardly, not even a grace of a smile on his lips. It's hard to smile when he's trying desperately to appear standoffish, attention so focused for any sign of Taekwoon going in for a wrong move. A very wrong move.
Hakyeon wants to share, wants to introduce, wants to write out the reasons as to why he's forced his way into the other's bubble. But it's hard when he feels like any lowering of his defenses right now could lead down a darker, more tangled avenue than he’d like to happen..
"Let me just help you to bed, then I'll leave," as he looks straight up into the other's eyes, his irises a little cross because that was just a subtle feature of his, he sees from his peripheral the way that unbuttoned part of his collar is giving a slim view of the pale skin beneath. Hakyeon never saw much of Taekwoon's skin since they mostly spent time with each other in the conservative work setting. Yet he imagines that the difference in their skin shades would be a remarkable thing to compare.
"Come on," he offers just his hand, not moving in with a full arm support.
It's impossible for Taekwoon to put up much of an argument with the statement at the moment. Not when he needs to be completely focused on making his feet move. He controls himself enough to wave away the hand offered to him in help and charges forward, leading the way down the hall and to his room with shaky steps. He wants answers, but he needs to lay down. He thinks about the way Hakyeon's eyes looked when they locked on to his moments ago. There's something behind them and Taekwoon knows it and it's starting to drive him crazy. It's a need at this point to know what goes on inside the other man's head. To know what he's hiding away behind flirtatious words and bright smiles.
The room to his door is pushed open. It's as plain as the rest of the apartment had been but here, there are at least some clues into his life. Or at least, the life he once had. There's a shelf along one wall, lined with soccer trophies, photos of his old team, a ball filled with signatures; things from his past that all mean something to him. That keep him grounded to himself when he looks at them because there are days when he thinks he's going to wake up and suddenly be someone entirely different. History repeating itself.
Atop his dresser is a calendar, the theme baby animals. On his nightstand, another picture of him and his three sisters, him in his soccer uniform. The picture obviously is cut off either by scissors or the frame it's shoved into.
Taekwoon doesn't think about the fact that he absolutely does not let people into his room as he's stepping inside and unbuttoning his shirt. He makes it to his bed and falls on to it, rolling onto his back. This room's spinning too. Great. He stares up at the ceiling and when his brain catches up with him and he remembers that Hakyeon's there, he pushes himself up onto his elbows, looking towards the door for Hakyeon.
"Don't leave yet."
This is where Taekwoon has spent his time, stowed away in safe walls--and here Hakyeon was, with the selfish intention to rattle them, possibly blow them away if it got to that point.
He takes one step off the doorframe when that voice carries over. He closes in, slowly with even strides. It's definitely a new image to see the other male draped on his bed, the buttons to his shirt heedlessly undone, the undershirt beneath so thin as it's clinging to an abdomen beneath that's rising and falling with each breath. And the tie, still clings about his neck loosely, the ends of it twisting about over his chest and dipping to part of the bed sheets. He swallows.
Hakyeon is like a dream walking towards Taekwoon. In fact, he is almost positive that this has to be a dream the closer and closer he gets. There's a part of him that suddenly feels nervous. He should tell Hakyeon to leave. He knows this isn't what he should be doing but this is what he wants and for once in his life he wants to just take something without thinking about it's purpose or use. About whether or not it'll do something good for him or destroy him.
He wonders if Hakyeon has the power to destroy him.
Taekwoon looks so vulnerable right now. So so vulnerable. And Hakyeon wants to take advantage of it. He could always write off any of the other's memories as nothing--blame it on the wine. The only rational fragment in his mind that's telling him this is deterring away from his plan, away from his perfectly molded plan, is being suffocated out by a more innate drive.
As his knees come up, sinking into the edge of the bed, his unmasking gaze trains on Taekwoon's. Languidly he draws his other leg over, and he's kneeling on the bed--not just kneeling, but he's practically straddling the other as his knees are on either side of him. Lowering himself until his hands fall gracefully into the mattress on each end of the other's shoulders, his arms straighten to protect that distance between them, his eyes now trailing down the figure below.
Lips part like he means to say something when Hakyeon is on his bed, but whatever it could have been dies the instant that he feels a soft weight settling on top of him. Hakyeon is on top of him. Taekwoon can't hold himself back anymore. He lets himself lay back flat on the bed in exchange for being able to use his hands to trace fingers up the length of the other man's arms. Slow. Like they're trying to memorize every inch of them through the fabric of his clothing. Like he's utterly fascinated by them. And he is. He's utterly captivated by the man on top of him. His hands come to rest on either side of Hakyeon's neck, exerting no pressure, just touching.
Hakyeon lets Taekwoon touch him. He's already given him permission. If he didn't want it, the second Taekwoon reached up his hand would be slapped away. Instead, this is the moment where he'll turn the key in the lock that keeps his skeletons hidden in a dark, dark closet that extends into more darkness. Lashes fluttering shut for a moment, sighs of content at the indulging fingertips, heat flourishing in the wake of those exploring touches, he slowly brings himself out--his true self.
"Taekwoon… how much do you know about me?" The next instant his fingertips are tracing over the slant of a cheek, right along the bone perfectly clothed by soft skin. "How much do you wanna know?"
And then he's faced with the questions. What does he know about Hakyeon? Even sober, he doesn't think he could come up with a substantial answer. He doesn't know much about him at all. The second question though--that one is easy. "Everything." He says it so quickly, his typically soft voice a little deeper than usual. A result of the alcohol and the feelings coursing through him. This is his chance, he thinks, to uncover some of the puzzle. Maybe even start putting the pieces together. His gaze remains steady through the dark, the city lights illuminating Hakyeon's face in a gorgeous glow and his breath catches when he feels fingertips on his cheek. "I want to know everything."
Descending down, Hakyeon’s hand moves to lace at the back of the other's neck, fingertips swiping up to play with dark strands of hair while his thumb starts to press more firmly into the side, the tip of his nose is skimming over the other cheek. He inhales, filling his senses with the man beneath him, taking his sweet luxurious time, before he eventually dips further down, lips easing apart as he exhales. "I can't tell you everything yet," the tone of his voice that's usually pure and inviting is now alluring in a whole other way, low and rhythmic with an edge. His hand slides along the column of the other's neck until his thumb finds his Adam's apple, and he presses, the pad of his thumb flush against the hard curve to cut off his breathing for one--two--three seconds.
Taekwoon's eyes go unfocused when Hakyeon's hands are on him. When those fingertips slip up in to his hair and he thinks, Yes. This is what I want. He doesn't bother to keep them open when he leans down further and he can feel that nose pressing to his skin. His chest swells in this moment. Even if Hakyeon can't tell him everything, just something. Some small thing to satiate his curiosity could be enough for him. Hakyeon's voice is sticky and warm like molasses, clinging to him, enveloping him and he thinks that at this point Hakyeon can say anything he wants to him as long as it's in that voice. His hands move to slide up into Hakyeon's hair, to tug him--
There's pressure on his neck and he can't breathe. His eyes snap open wide and the fear, the panic, that strikes him straight to his core is sobering. It brings him to the present. It clears his vision. He's staring up at Hakyeon with the most messy mix of emotions written on his face. He's never looked so expressive. He doesn't know how long it lasts, but it feels like an eternity and when those fingers slip away from the crucial spot he gasps, loud, as if he'd been starved for air for minutes and not only seconds. The unexpectedness of it all hitting him hardest.
"I like seeing people in their final moments as the last drops of their life drains away. The fear and regret in their eyes." Hakyeon’s breath is warm, spilling out a slow trail of words that he knows Taekwoon will need to stay extra focused to register. "The last pleas for someone they think they love," his lips are so close to Taekwoon's ear that each word caresses over the lobe. "'Please,' they say. 'Don't do it. I'll change.'” The dull edge of his nails sink into the other's neck before he drags them inch by inch, downwards to the central base of his throat.
His hands fall from Hakyeon's hair and he's holding on to his forearms now. He wants to pull Hakyeon's hands away from his throat entirely but then there's a voice in his ear, hot breath on his skin and all he does is just grip those thin arms. Taekwoon listens because it's all he can do in this moment. He's turning the phrases over in his mind again and again, trying to bring them together in some way that makes sense but the only way to string them all together doesn't make sense. It's impossible. It's a joke. It has to be.
"They never change." Hakyeon turns his head until his nose is burrowing firmly into the hair framing the other's ear, and he sucks in such a deep breath it could be felt. "They never change Taekwoon, so it's my job to fix it. To correct their problems." He seethes these words out sharply. And he can't help it. He can't stop himself from doing it as his tongue glides out, darting gently into the other's ear for the quickest sensation, for it's retreating back into his mouth immediately as he asks, "Do you know how I fix them?"
The secrecy, the dark secret that lived just under Hakyeon's skin... it couldn't be this? The beast inside of him couldn't have been so big without him noticing. Hakyeon asks the question and Taekwoon doesn't want to think of the answer. All he can think of is himself in this moment. His own life. Was this it for him?
"Are you fixing me?"
He's been broken for so long now. Maybe Hakyeon saw this. Maybe he was showing him a kind of mercy.
A laugh trickles out upon the sensitive spot beneath the other's ear. "No, no, no Taekwoon…" Suddenly both hands are cupping the sides of his face, hands feverishly petting along his features as he pulls back to flit his eyes over them, one hand raking to sift through the thick hair above his forehead. "I need you," he confides, voice still breathless but tainted with such desperation, because all he can see right now is his precious last piece of the puzzle. "I need you to protect me."
Hakyeon needs him.
It's a strange sensation. Even if Hakyeon has never meant to kill him, it still feels like he's been handed his life back. Like Hakyeon has deemed him worthy of continuing to exist on this planet and he needs him. Needs him to protect him. Is he supposed to say no to the man who just, quite literally, held his life in his hands only to let him keep it? So much of the puzzle has been given to him now but it doesn't feel complete. There's something more, though what it could be, Taekwoon isn't sure. But he wants to find out. Needs to find out almost as badly as Hakyeon is making him feel he's needed.
One thing he's learned is that the survivors in this twisted passion are always able to depend on someone else. He's lasted for so many years due to his ability to cut a slice of his trust and give it to someone. He's had so many wonderful marks in the past, some even sacrificing themselves to the hands of justice in order to save him. Marks were people he chose in places he temporarily settled in, using them to help hide his tracks. If worse came to worse, they would take the blame, though Hakyeon considers it taking the glory and credit for amazing work.
There's this intuition that's undeniable, echoing to him night after night that Taekwoon will be different from all the rest. "Will you protect me?" Now he's holding Taekwoon's face to match his gaze. He's trying to keep himself restrained, because the other still looks utterly delicious and vulnerable and he wants to mar him in some way, but he keeps the desire at bay for now. Instead he lowers down until his lips are hot against the other's forehead, tender contact as he's murmuring, "Can I trust you with my life?"
Taekwoon's never exactly felt needed before. He has a definite function in his job, but he's never felt like he had a place in this world of his own. Hakyeon could be his place. "I'll protect you." His hands fall away from Hakyeon's arms only to let his arms raise up, wrapping them around Hakyeon's shoulders as if he meant to start protecting him right that instant.
He has no idea what this will entail or what he's signing his life away too but he feels like it doesn't matter. Hakyeon is giving him a purpose and he'll cling to that with everything he has.
The wind that just rallies through his frame and steals his breath for a second has to be caused by the gentle way Taekwoon's arms so warmly--dare he say affectionately?--entwine around him. He's not used to this at all. Not when he's being open and honest and himself. Caught off guard completely, his arms holding him up nearly buckle under the weight of this new sentiment, one he stubbornly stores away and locks up.
"Good." Is all he replies with verbally. But to inform Taekwoon of how pleased he is with his decision, he starts to reward him by delicately skimming his lips from the other's temple down the contour of his face. Meanwhile as he keeps the sliver of space between their bodies (he has to set some boundaries), his hand smooths down the middle of the other's chest, fingertips catching briefly on the rounded collar of his undershirt, pulling at it until it slips from his touch and his hand is continuing further down.
His heart pounds in his chest. Taekwoon knows he's just promised himself to something dangerous. Something that could get himself into a world's worth of trouble but for Hakyeon, it just feels worth it. Hakyeon needs his protection. Needs him. That means too much to Taekwoon to ignore.
"You have such an abled body. Is it from soccer?" Hakyeon’s hand pauses at the other's upper abdomen right beneath the center of his ribcage, fingers curling as he adds pressure, dragging his nails down the thin fabric to admire the hardness of abs beneath. His lips make it right to the corner of the other's, speaking in that hushed, velvet voice, "Come with me. Wednesday night. I'll show you what I do." He says this right against Taekwoon's skin so that his own warm breath is fluttered back towards him. His other hand is sturdily gripping Taekwoon's chin, keeping him from turning his head. "Okay?" His hand stops at the other's lower abdomen, caressing mildly in a petting motion because Taekwoon is now his anyway.
Lips on his skin feel like an almost too perfect reward. One he doesn't fully deserve just for agreeing to help him but he readily accepts it anyway. His breath catches in his throat when Hakyeon's hand smooths i's way down his chest. How long has it been since he's been touched at all? He can't believe Hakyeon wants him. When asked about soccer, Taekwoon nods his head a little, as much as he can without bothering Hakyeon's too much. His hands press against Hakyeon's back and slip to his shoulders, fingers curling around them gently to just hold on to him. If he could, Taekwoon wouldn't want to turn his head away. This is all so overwhelming. He feels a lot like he's drowning again, like he had in the elevator.
"I want to." He breathes the words out in his usual soft tone, shaky from the feelings running through him. The way Hakyeon practically pets his stomach has the muscles there contracting, twitching, not used to being touched by someone other than himself. It's only then that he tries to turn his face from Hakyeon's grip, trying to slide their mouths together.
In an instant, Hakyeon tightens his grip, preventing him from moving any more as he pulls back, a few inches between them as he studies the other male. A surprised noise comes from Taekwoon, quiet as it may be. Such a shame, really, since Hakyeon would allow himself to acknowledge that Taekwoon was attractive; even in his quiet, distant demeanor, no one could deny he had revered looks. However, he never, ever became intimate with his marks. It opened the gates to attachment, to development of feelings, to human emotions that he didn't have the time for. Why would it matter when he'd be done with Taekwoon in a couple months' time anyway?
Taekwoon can feel the way Hakyeon looks down at him. It's overwhelmingly heavy and only adds to the feeling in his head from the wine. The more he sobers up, the more it pounds and without the distraction of Hakyeon's confessions or lips, the feeling only grows.
After straying his gaze over the other's features, Hakyeon slowly nudges the other's arms to unravel from him while he sits up. He's come too close to the boundary lines and now he needs to fall back. "You should get some sleep." Already moving off the other as well, he sits on the edge of the bed, one hand flat on the soft mattress while the other reaches across him to cup a cheek, one last ghosting caress of his thumb over the arch. "I need you to be ready." It was days away, but still, these things require mental preparation. He's not going to bring Taekwoon in there if the other's going to curl away and tremble in fear at what he sees.
Taekwoon’s arms drop down to the mattress when Hakyeon moves, not resisting or putting up a fight to keep holding him. There's a feel of disappointment that hits him square in his chest. He doesn't want Hakyeon to leave him. He stays laying in the same spot, eyes focused on the ceiling. Hakyeon's hand on his face is welcomed, and it could just be his mind playing tricks on him, but this is just so tender to him. The way Hakyeon tells him to sleep and the lightest of touches--it's easy to oblige to that.
"I will be." Taekwoon tells him. His hand twitches at his side, wanting to grab for Hakyeon's but he holds himself back. Knows that Hakyeon's keeping some distance between them for the moment and maybe that's okay. Things can always change. He certainly has.
Taekwoon finally pushes himself up from his spot on the bed. He sits a moment, rubbing his forehead to try and work out the painful feeling but it's obviously no use. He looks at Hakyeon again, only for a brief second, before he's pushing himself up to the head of the bed. He's not going to bother with changing his clothes. Changing means a lot of movement and he just can't handle that right now. Hakyeon's right. He really needs to sleep.
He doesn't even pull himself under the covers before he lets his head hit the pillow, curling in such a way that he can look at Hakyeon again. He wants to ask him why it's him. Why he needs him of all people. What is it about him that makes him worthy to protect Hakyeon? Because it's a privilege, isn't it? For someone to tell you that they're trusting you with their life.
He doesn't ask him any of that. He just watches him in silence, fully intent on doing so until the other disappears. When he does, Taekwoon falls asleep to the ghosting touch of warm hands and lips against his skin.
part iii.
A/N: Ahhhhhhh I hope you enjoyed it. I posted while in the airport waiting to fly home. Yes, I'll be in an airplane while the midnight fireworks go off. ;; It's okay, I never planned on going out anyway.
Authors: sypherus_xiii and gambino
Pairing: HakyeonxTaekwoon, implied HakyeonxWonshik
Rating: NC-17. (Later for graphic violent images and sexual themes.)
Summary: "Taekwoon… how much do you know about me?" The next instant his fingertips are tracing over the slant of a cheek, right along the bone perfectly clothed by soft skin. "How much do you wanna know?"
In which Taekwoon is forced to attend the office Christmas Party and drinks too much wine. 10,5k words.
Disclaimer: This fiction was created for our own personal perverse desires in which we decided to share it with the rest of the world. It can also be more appropriately dubbed Murder Boyfriends. You've been warned.
Here! Have some light New Year's reading! Enjoy!
part i.
No expense was spared for the annual Christmas party. Private space had been rented out in one of the city's top night spots and the bar open. They didn't have many social functions within the company which is why when they did, the people in charge tended to throw these sort of lavish parties. Free food, free drinks, an excuse to call a babysitter and go out for the night. And for the first time in two years, it would seem that everyone was there.
Everyone.
Taekwoon stands in the entryway looking none too pleased with the situation. It had taken over a week of persuasion from the man on his right to get him to come out to this party. He should have seen it coming when he'd given in to the lunches out of the office. The way Hakyeon would subtly mention that he couldn't wait for the Christmas party or asked him if he'd heard where the Christmas party was going to be and then suddenly, a few days earlier, Hakyeon had flat out told him he should come. Taekwoon can't remember the exact argument that was used. All he remembers is that Hakyeon was talking a lot and he wanted him to stop doing that and so he'd agreed.
Yes, he'd been spending a lot more time than he'd first anticipated with the smaller man. It's gotten to the point where, on days when Hakyeon doesn't pop up at his cubicle around noon to ask what he wants to eat that day, it starts to feel odd. It's a difficult concept for Taekwoon to fully grasp but it's an obvious truth that Hakyeon has, somehow, managed to worm his way into a small corner of his mind. This man who he should, by all rights, be entirely annoyed by is so... charming to him. The way he smiles and the way he carries himself--interacts with others in general.
Though it isn't for the same reason that others find themselves so charmed by Hakyeon. It's not the smiles themselves that get him or the words he speaks but it's how he does everything. There's this layer of mystery to it all. Of deception. He still hasn't been able to peel those layers back and get a look inside the man that Hakyeon is clearly trying to hide so well with his outward disposition.
I hate this already. Taekwoon thinks to himself as they step in to the party. He can feel the eyes of coworkers on him and he can hear people whispering, muttering, wondering what he's actually doing there. The stoic man can hardly blame him. He's never come to a party or a dinner the entire time he's worked there. Hell, if they're celebrating with a cake in the office for someone's birthday it's rare Taekwoon joins them unless he's particularly craving something sweet that day. College had turned him off of this sort of thing; meaningless connections with people who, at the end of the day, went home and didn't care about him. There's so much more honesty in not subjecting himself to things like this. In not subjecting himself to people.
At least he has Hakyeon. There's some small sense of comfort in the fact that they'd come together so that when he feels particulatrly uncomfortable in the crowd, he'll at least have someone to figuratively hide behind. He looks to the other man, tugging at the sleeves of his black button-up shirt.
Wearing a three-piece suit, stepping it up a notch from the daily attires of work, Hakyeon stays by Taekwoon for the first half hour. That's because he can sense when the other would stiffen a little the second Hakyeon would step away, even just a few feet in favor of piling his small paper plate with chocolate covered strawberries. The little stems litter the edges of his plate as he comes back from a third round.
Taekwoon's eyes don't really leave Hakyeon when he moves away from him to collect more of those strawberries but they definitely avert their attention elsewhere when he comes back and resumes eating them.
"Do you even recognize these people?" he asks the other male, softly laughing at how Taekwoon really tried to stand at the edge of the crowd as much as possible, shifting ever-so-slightly when there'd be a group of tipsy chattering co-workers passing by, greeting Hakyeon with wide smiles and clinks of glasses in cheers.
Taekwoon passes the wine glass that belongs to Hakyeon back over to him and takes a long sip from his own, shaking his head to the question. A glass of wine isn't going to inhibit his driving too much and the food and drinks are one of the main reasons he actually agreed to come to this party.
That and spending time with Hakyeon.
Which he won't admit to himself.
Gaze moving over the crowd, Hakyeon suddenly leans in to murmur furtively to Taekwoon. "Minah's been looking over here all night…. at you," he clarifies, leaning away to give another co-worker a raise of glass in greeting.
The mentioned girl is standing across the room, a glass of champagne in her hand as she's standing close to a few other girls. She's the only one looking their way, and if one stared closely they'd see her stare wasn't directed at Hakyeon as expected, but at the lone man awkwardly trying to take up as little space as he could. She smiles the second she notices Taekwoon look over, then one of the girls with her grabs her arm as she's telling her something enthusiastically.
"Did you see that? It's the three-second look. If a girl looks at you for three seconds, it means she's interested. You should say hi," Hakyeon encourages. He's not the type to matchmake, but after growing a little closer to Taekwoon over the past couple of weeks, he's seen how caught up the other is in work and although he apparently goes on frequent runs, the other needs something more that'll help unravel the obvious tension he's always holding.
When Hakyeon points Minah out to him, Taekwoon looks across the room at her. The confusion he feels isn't written in his stoic expression. Who is she? Does she work with them--he assumes so since Hakyeon knows her name but he's finding it difficult to place her. Either way, he looks back to Hakyeon. "I'm not interested in her, though." He states as if this were a perfectly normal thing to say when it comes to a woman being interested. In truth, he's been moved by very few people in his life and Minah would just never be one of them.
The way Taekwoon was so direct about his disinterest, renders Hakyeon to snort before a reprimanding, "Yaaaah. That's the point. You get to know her and then interest might start. …Maybe." This is Taekwoon, so he really isn't sure about that. As one hand holds his wine glass and balances his paper plate between his forefinger and middle one, his empty arm raises to smoothly loop about the other's shoulder. With his hand squeezing into the opposite bicep, he turns to peer at the other, lips outlining a smile. "Sometimes you need to unwind. Even if it's just for one night." The words are so soft that even someone who'd pass by would have to listen closely to catch any part of it. "So drink more wine. If you can't drive, there's always a taxi."
Unwind? Is he wound tightly? Taekwoon's always wondered that about himself. He thinks he's wound just the right amount-- that it's the rest of the world that's wound too loosely. On second thought, that doesn't seem to be incredibly logical. He takes another sip of the wine. He wants to comment with something along the lines of why, so I can be a drunk mess like you?, but that isn't exactly fair of him to say. Hakyeon hadn't been a real mess at all. He's seen far messier.
After his arm drops from Taekwoon, he hears someone addressing him, "Hakyeon-hyung." Looking over he sees Wonshik crossing right over, the delicate edges of their glasses tapping when he approaches.
"Wonshikkie~ enjoying the party?" His gaze is focusing on the newcomer, dragging from his foreign leather dress shoes to the clean way his smokey blue suit holds to his frame, his light blue collared shirt undone a couple of buttons for some breathing room. Hakyeon reaches up, fingering the open part of his collar. "No tie? You could've worn a cheesy Christmas tie complete with snowmen." Laughing at that idea of the other wearing one with the nice tailored suit, his hand drops, not without his fingers grazing the lapel of the jacket.
"No way, hyung. I come with style. I gotta be the best dressed here…" the other's eyes do a sweep-over of Hakyeon, "other than you."
Even if Taekwoon wanted to say something about the fact that an interest wouldn't start and that he'd just be wasting his and Minah's time equally, there's no chance for him too when Wonshik approaches them. He's used to people not bothering to say hello to him because they already know what to expect. That isn't the part that gets under his skin. For some reason, it just bothers him to watch Hakyeon act like this with the younger man. He downs the rest of his wine in his glass and stares at it as if wondering why it wasn't automatically refilling itself.
The way they naturally banter and laugh is obvious that it's not the first time they've interacted like this. In fact, the light touches that Hakyeon keeps doing, his fingertips so easily lifting to hold onto the other's upper arm and squeeze to brace himself in his moment of giggling too hard, or how Wonshik even takes one of his strawberries and feeds him--it's certainly not a newly blossomed relationship that's reached beyond co-workers.
Taekwoon’s gaze moves from the glass to Wonshik and then to the back of Hakyeon's head as if he were trying to stare his thoughts right into him. When he's fed the strawberry is when Taekwoon decides that this has certainly gone far enough and he takes a step forward, standing at Hakyeon's side. "Hello, Wonshik-ssi,” he says in a calm, neutral tone, greeting someone first at a party for the first time in his adult life.
Both of them. Are taken aback. For different reasons. Wonshik for the surface-level obvious reason, that Taekwoon's never greeted him off his own initiative since the first day he strolled into the office. And for Hakyeon because he knows there's a reason why Taekwoon didn't remain quiet at the side. As he watches Wonshik bow his head with a slightly flustered 'hello-sunbae' back, Hakyeon masks his surprise so easily with a comment to the empty wine glass. "Uwa, you're already done with it? Let me get you another." And he takes it from Taekwoon's hand before he has a chance to deny, smiling at them both as he spins on his heel and heads to the refreshments table just meters away.
Before Taekwoon can argue the other leaving him there with Wonshik he's already gone with his wine glass. He has to hold back the sigh of frustration that he wants to let out, far too annoyed with this current situation.
Hakyeon needs the space away, so he can observe exactly what's going on. Tossing his empty plate, finishing off his own wine, he moves to the end where the bartenders are stationed and glances over to the two left alone.
The simple part of his mind is already placing reasons and assumptions into the situation, that Taekwoon is feeling the wine and actually learning to be friendly. Simple. Easy. No need to think deeper right now when he for once isn't trying to plot moves and gain the next step. If he's being honest, he really is trying to 'unwind' in a different manner tonight.
Hakyeon's always been a weakling for the holidays anyway, a human vein in his heart having always longed for the yearly time that seems to bring happiness and warmth to normal families, something he never experienced. So why not make up for it in his adult life where he holds the reigns? Yes, this was a mental pep talk he did for himself as the glasses of wine are poured and he's making his way back over, shifting between the two as the distance closes.
The conversation that this leaves him with is awkward at best and downright painful at its worst. They talk briefly about deadlines and meeting them and how things have changed in the recent months and Taekwoon wants to walk away so badly but he's hoping that maybe, if he keeps this up long enough, Wonshik's own discomfort will have him walking away.
No such luck.
"Hey~ friends yet?" Hakyeon asks, probably a completely awkward question to ask but he hands the wine back to Taekwoon, not meeting the other's eyes like he'd usually do. Instead his eyes raise towards Wonshik's, lips spreading slowly into a smile that's not prompted by anything in particular. "You still have to tell me about the movie so I can decide if I want to watch it." And now Hakyeon's already trying to nudge Wonshik to start moving, to start walking, to start leaving. "We'll be back," he glances at Taekwoon so briefly, a curve still to his lips, but he's turning back to Wonshik so quickly that it doesn't even matter, his steps matching the younger male's as they head off between the mingling crowd to another group.
Taekwoon thinks he's never been so relieved to see someone as he is when Hakyeon's back. It only lasts a moment though and then he's leaving him again. Only this time, it's with Wonshik at his side. All Taekwoon can do is nod his head once to show he understood and then he's left there. Alone. Eyes still watching Hakyeon walk away from him. He takes a large sip of wine.
After spending several minutes talking to several other office workers, a couple Hakyeon has never met for they work on television media, he finally slips off with Wonshik. It’s easy to find a terrace that leads outside, this rented out hotel ballroom just one part to a conglomerate hotel. He just needs the fresh air, wanting to breathe. The chilling wind blows at his features as he listens to Wonshik ramble about last year's party. His mind's in another place. Two places, really.
On one side he's trying to decode the mystery about Taekwoon. Even after bombarding his way into the other's life, it was never anything personal. Neither of them shared anything far-reaching, and he's wondering how much of a reliable support he will be. Taekwoon's not at a level yet where he'll take a bullet for him. So how… how is he going to bring him there.
Then the other side is drifting back to what's always in the back of his mind. Kwon Jiyong. Mid-20s. Does illegal drugs like cocaine. Is trying to start up his own business. His commodity? Women. Although he only has a couple of girls under his belt, Hakyeon can clearly remember the night of him walking along the street in Gangnam, hearing a woman's cries and when he followed the sound, he saw this Kwon Jiyong throw a young woman to the ground, her dress so short and heels so high that he was positive she sprained an ankle along with the scrapes to her legs.
"Hyung?" Hakyeon looks over to Wonshik, taken away from his recollection. "Ready to go back inside? Your nose and cheeks… they're… well you must be cold."
Reaching up immediately, he feels how frozen his features have become and peering at Wonshik he sees the other's arms wrapped about his chest, the tremble of shivers visible. "Ahh.. Sorry. Let's go back~!" he offers a cheerful smile and pulls him along. His hair a little out of place despite his efforts to piece any stray individual strands back to how it originally was, he's less concerned about the way his nose is just slightly runny now. He just sniffs it back up and shoots Wonshik a threatening scowl when he's teased about it.
Back inside, when Taekwoon feels delicate fingers tap him on the shoulder, he makes a noise of distaste but turns around anyway. Looking down, the woman in front of him is the woman Hakyeon had pointed out to him earlier. Minah? Sounds right. She's all energy and bubbles when she smiles at him, greeting him with a confident voice. "I didn't expect to see you here at the party, sunbae!" she says and Taekwoon nods his head, unsure of what to give for a reason when he doesn't fully understand the reason himself. When the reason walked away and left him there.
He manages to stumble through conversation with her--manages to stumble through her having conversation at him, rather. She seems utterly unfazed by his lack of words and the fact that he seems mildly disinterested at best. She's happy to continue on, talking about the big argument between managers that she'd overheard and then, somehow, they're on to the topic of her dog and Taekwoon just knew she had to be a dog person.
Dog People.
Salvation comes in the form of an empty wine glass (his own, hers had been empty for a while now and she'd done her best to make him take notice of this though it went straight over his head). He excuses himself, lies and says it was nice talking to her before he's ducking away, leaving the girl behind with a pout and narrowed eyes. He's at the bar, passing his glass to the bartender and when he fills it, Taekwoon doesn't move away. Instead, he stays in that area, keeping to himself at this point. He scans the crowd of people, trying to find Hakyeon and then he stops himself and decides to just keep his eyes set on his wine.
Taekwoon doesn't really notice the passage of time so much as he notices the passing of his glass back and forth to the bartender. It's sometime after three that he stops counting. Standing becomes an adventure all on its own. The party? Much more tolerable. There's some sense of amusement now from watching the intern Sanghyuk strike out something horribly with a girl whose name he probably never knew to begin with but couldn't, for the life of him, recall. The wine has loosened him up enough that when Sanghyuk approaches him to try and actually make conversation with him, Taekwoon doesn't mind it so much. The kid calls him hyung and Taekwoon doesn't bother correcting him though in the back of his mind he knows he may regret it come Monday. Despite being clumsy and only half-competent at his tasks, Sanghyuk's not an altogether untolerable person--
This wine is really starting to get to him.
The kid leaves him soon enough, in pursuit of another young thing who Taekwoon assumes must also be an intern. He thinks back to when he was Sanghyuk's age. When he was in college and still sought out these sorts of things. All the awkward times he'd been rejected and the few, even more awkward, times he wasn't. As he stares down his wine glass again, he wonders how things would be if he were different. If he had always had Sanghyuk's youthful spirit and courage and determination, even in the face of being terrible at something. If he weren't so consumed by a need he can't fight for perfection.
Hakyeon strolls back inside with Wonshik, scanning the crowd for Taekwoon. They've been at the party for long enough. As he tries to notion to Wonshik that he'll see him Monday at work, the younger male is just…. following him. Like an attached puppy that keeps touching the side of his jacket or pressing a hand to his cheek to see if it was still frozen. Since he's unable to lose him before spotting Taekwoon by the bar (of course), he trails over, that presence behind him hopefully not enforcing wrongful evidence. He knows any observant eyes (one like Taekwoon's) would notice the discolor of his cheeks and the misplacement of his hair in a few spots.
Hakyeon comes in to view over the rim of his glass and just as the man had been wary of, notices the things out of place first. It takes his mind to thoughts he can't entertain at the moment right then and there.
"Thanks for walking me back," Hakyeon says to Wonshik, now using his last method to get rid of him. "Taekwoon brought me here, so he'll take me home. I know Hongbin wanted to talk to you, so go find him." And he forces a smile that cracks at his lips, his cheeks feeling heavy and resistant but he pushes it out anyway and… Wonshik just nods at the both of them and greets them goodbye, finally understanding.
There's a sense of relief in the way that Hakyeon dismisses Wonshik. The last person at this party he wants to interact with-- except maybe Minah again.
Hakyeon sighs and for the first time in a while, he looks at Taekwoon, then down to his glass, then back up to him. "How many have you had? Too many to drive?" Completely different from earlier, he knows it's propelled by this novel need to… well that's it. It's a need. And it's new. One he's not up for trying to ignore right now.
"Ah." The noise comes out louder than he means it to-- louder than any noise has ever come out of him in Hakyeon's presence and to hide his embarrassment, he downs the rest of his glass, setting it finally on the bar top to be done with it. There's certainly no way he can drive and thinking about his car in the parking lot has him cursing mentally. He doesn't want to leave it there, but what can he do.
Well.
He reaches in to his back pocket and pulls out the valet ticket inside of it before pressing it to Hakyeon's hand. "Drive me home." He tells him, words just a little sloppy though still spoken in his usual soft voice. It's a big deal for him to let someone drive his car. To let someone know where he lives. To let someone do anything that involves being close to him but this is Hakyeon and the wine is the perfect wrecking ball for the steel-reinforced walls he tends to keep up and around himself.
“Oh," he doesn't jump when Taekwoon responds louder than his default expectation was of Taekwoon's voice. But he does startle a little, another, "Oh," drifting out when he sees the paper slip slipping into his fingers as he takes it. "Oh…" This was his opportunity, staring him right in the eye. "Oh-kay."
Standing had been nothing compared to the absolute hell that walking in a straight line has become for Taekwoon. He somehow makes it into the passenger seat of his car, and Hakyeon’s there, helping him buckle his seatbelt. But once it’s over, the other’s hand is suddenly elsewhere.
He tenses up, his body lights on fire when a hand is slipping over the back of his neck. His gaze is slightly out of focus, but it's set on Hakyeon, as much as the other man seems to move in his eyes. He doesn't think to push the hand away. He thinks about how warm it feels against his skin and how it's Hakyeon who's touching him like this. It feels like a small victory when his mind briefly flicks to the memory (warped now by alcohol) of Wonshik taking Hakyeon away from him earlier.
"Mmm… you're still quite warm. If you need to, crack the window since I'm going to put the heat on.” And then he hears Hakyeon pressing a few buttons. "Is this your place? You didn't program home as the office did you?"
A teasing remark that Taekwoon corrects with, "It's my apartment." He leans back against the seat, head tilted back to look up at the ceiling. Taekwoon can't honestly remember the last time he was this drunk, if ever. He'd drank wine tonight like it'd been water and he knows exactly what to blame it on and exactly what he will not blame it on. Even drunk, he's wildly stubborn when it comes to his own thoughts.
Hakyeon asks to make a short stop, explaining he should buy Taekwoon a hangoer medicine.. Stopping or not stopping doesn't matter much to Taekwoon. The way he sees it, he'll be drunk if they stop or drunk if they don't and if there's the promise of getting something to help him tomorrow (wine hangovers notoriously terrible) then why would he argue?
They eventually stop and Taekwoon waves a hand at Hakyeon when he leaves the car, head rolling down and his eyes opening so he can watch him as he walks away. It's a much different feeling that washes over him watching him walk away this time than it had been when he'd watched him leave with Wonshik.
Bored, sitting there in silence as he waits, Taekwoon reaches forward and presses the button to turn the radio on.
Inside the convenient store, Hakyeon is idly walking through the aisles, browsing through the snacks. He glances furtively to a figure the aisle over. Steps calculated but casual, when he notices the man beginning to move towards the register, he slips off as well and at the end of the aisle he takes one of the tiny medicine bottles. Reaching the counter first, he sets the items down and takes out his wallet. Hearing the total, he fishes out the needed cash but the change... he's short just a couple cents and biting his lower lip, he looks over to the man behind him.
All it takes is a show of his immaculately lined teeth and as his palm opens up, the guy gives him what he needs. Finishing his payment, he steps to the side and as he tears off the plastic to the little bottle (stalling), he walks outside, able to hold the door open for the guy who spared him change. "Hey, thanks… for that." The guy tells him it's nothing with a smile, and Hakyeon knows he's done his job here since the guy continues to stand there as he moves back to the car. He can feel eyes on the back of him as he opens the door and settles inside. "Here, drink this." He holds it out for Taekwoon. "Don't ask what it is, just drink it. Trust me."
"Siiiiilent niiiight~ Hooooly niiiight~" The song starts on the radio and Taekwoon sings along instantly. And then keeps singing along when it fades right in to another classic Christmas tune. He hears the door open and Hakyeon's back and Taekwoon actually smiles, continuing to sing in his soft way as the bottle is handed to him. He looks it over and pauses in his singing to ask him, "Are you trying to poison me?" It's a joke. Which is weird, coming from Taekwoon.
The singing though. Whether or not all the words are loud enough to hear above the volume (did he leave the car with the radio on?), the feeling in him rouses that drunk Taekwoon is… fun. And cute. Hakyeon always had allotted 'cute' in the descriptive adjectives for the other male, but fun wasn't exactly one of them. "Maybe~" he plays along, fastening his seatbelt and turning the key to start the car all the way. He waves to the guy from the store who finally leaves towards a white SUV.
Taekwoon tries to crack the seal on the bottle and when he finds that there is none, just twists the cap off and drinks down the contents. If it tastes good or bad, Taekwoon doesn't really know in this state. His eyes stay focused out the window, noticing the way Hakyeon waves to the other car and he thinks to ask him instantly, "A friend of yours?" Because he doesn't think that Hakyeon's ever mentioned knowing anyone in this city and this could be a new, small piece, of the Hakyeon puzzle.
When Taekwoon addresses him with that question, Hakyeon knows exactly what to say, too ecstatic that he's allowed to provide a glimpse to Taekwoon--a very important glimpse. "Nope, just met him. But I have a feeling I'll be seeing him again," his voice mellows out, eyes staring steadily as the white car reverses out of its spot and drives away.
They arrive at Taekwoon’s apartment building,, Hakyeon following the GPS. He parks at the first open spot in the garage, heading out of the car and hurrying to the other side because he knows Taekwoon's going to be confident over the wine. He's correct as he sees the car door already opening and, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" His hand quickly slides in to keep the door from swinging too wide and hitting the adjacent car. "Aigoo, look at you.” His other arm comes to slide around the other male's waist, shuffling back enough to shut the car door, keys in his grip as he starts to navigate to the entry doors.
Everything's automatic and nice. Clean and bright. The floors reflect the lights from above as they go to the elevators, the heels of their shoes unevenly clicking along because Hakyeon notices how Taekwoon is progressively getting heavier and heavier. Pressing the button, thankfully an elevator is waiting for them and he practically has to drag Taekwoon inside of the lift, sighing out as he makes sure they fall back against the wall, able to rest his arm and shoulder because his frame is smaller than the other's.
But the other's floor is high. One of the top floors. He assumes he wanted a higher level so he could be further away from the people down below. So it seems like forever that they're waiting, waiting, waiting…
Suddenly Hakyeon's in front of him. His hands, manicured and soft, are pressing into the wall of the elevator on each side of Taekwoon's lulling head. One of his hands is grabbing the other's chin, keeping him stable and within milliseconds it's nothing but Hakyeon's breath on his chin, his pine scent mixed with faint sweetness from his own wine, and then it's the warmth of his body surrounding Taekwoon that can give a whole other intoxication.
It's noses brushing and Hakyeon murmurs something that falls flat, Taekwoon unable to process exactly what he says, but that doesn't matter because the next thing he knows, is there's lips. Lips on his. Pliant and sure as they frame against the other's, lingering until they start moving and god, they move with fervency and tenderness and then a growing sense of need.
Taekwoon feels like he's drowning. Sinking. Like Hakyeon is the ocean and he's a fighter jet crashed nose first into the center of it. He feels like he's being sucked in. There's no chance for escape and he isn't entirely sure he wants it. No. He definitely doesn't. He wants Hakyeon to consume him whole. Swallow him up and leave no trace of him behind. Maybe he isn't the ocean. Maybe he's a fire and Taekwoon a pile of kindling coal, set ablaze by flaming fingertips touching him everywhere at once. Hands are everywhere, and it's like Hakyeon has multiple pairs, sweeping over his chest, to his hips, to the small of his back where the rail in the elevator is digging into his body right below. And it's Hakyeon, Hakyeon, Hakyeon---
DING!
Then there was nothing.
He's thrust back out of the ocean. The fire snuffed out. He's dizzier than he'd been before and he stares ahead of himself, bleary-eyed and confused. Had any of that really just happened?
"Oh! We're here," Hakyeon tries to teeter Taekwoon away from the wall, already noticing how the male beside him had closed his eyes and began to nod off. "C'mon," he whines a little, because his leg is suddenly extending, lunging forward to keep the door open while he's trying to hoist Taekwoon forward. "Just a bit further, we're almost there."
When he registers that Hakyeon is trying to move him forward he finally complies, squeezing past the insistent elevator doors and out into the space of the hall. His hall. The hall his apartment is on. So this is where they've ended up. He can't forget the way he felt in the elevator. The way Hakyeon had made him feel and when he slumps over against him again, seeking his support even as he stands at his own door, he leans in and quietly requests, "Set me on fire."
There's no actual metal on the key, just the engraved apartment number, looking like the remote key of a car but just as he lifts it to the sleek door, he hears words pouring down his neck, silken yet dangerous--and the door unlocks and sways open. Confused for a second as to why Taekwoon was making such a request, he effortlessly lumps it into the pile described as 'Drunk Taekwoon', a very different image of the other that he'll never unsee--well, he tries to lump it into that pile.
The door left ajar, the line of his eyes refusing to steer away from the other when he just now gauges the close proximity, he assesses the darkness of that gaze and he swears there's this smoldering cloudiness to them but he shakes his head immediately before he thinks further upon it, the blooming warmth crawling up his cheeks uncomfortable enough. "It's the wine talking. You're finally listening to my advice about loosening up." Brushing it off, he leads the other inside, so thankful that the lights are motion-sensor as they come on, dim but inviting still.
There's nothing unusual for Taekwoon about how ridiculously clean his apartment is. Between a strict maid schedule (strict in the fact that she's only allowed to come on Wednesday’s in the middle of the day-- a time when Taekwoon is certain he won't have to deal with her) and his own daily effort in keeping things tidy, it'd be almost impossible to find a mess. This is probably to be expected, flowing right along with the perceived notions of him most people have.
First he shakes his shoes off, then he's ordering Taekwoon to take his off. "Yah, hurry." He's focusing really hard on the floor, on his already discarded shoes and the other pair still on the other's feet. Despite not showing it, he is aware of the extra amount of heat Taekwoon's exuding, and he wants to air out his own shirt to breathe more easily.
Taekwoon’s socks had come off unintentionally in the process of removing his shoes but he's so very grateful for the modern conveniences of heated flooring. Taekwoon didn't have people to spend money on, really, and didn't have many vices in life so this is the kind of place he wound up able to afford.
The cleanliness of the apartment is what makes it so strange when he simply just tosses his jacket off but in his current state, he isn't thinking about placing it where it's supposed to go. He reaches up and loosens his tie, the top button of his shirt coming undone and then he just falls back to lean against the wall. Like he'd leaned against the elevator wall. He stares Hakyeon down, dark eyes carrying a new sort of darkness as he doesn't shy away from his gaze. It's the wine talking repeats in his head. Maybe it is. But he can't stop thinking about how badly the wine wants to run its hands all over Hakyeon's lithe body.
Hakyeon is about to head further inside but he's a little preoccupied with the way Taekwoon is staring at him. He's used to all kinds of intense looks, even ones that scream desire and others that just scream. But there's such a holistic depth to Taekwoon that he's never been able to fully penetrate; it brings the unwavering gaze to another level. He's good at ignoring and he's good at resisting what he wants to though, and even as he starts to walk along the small front way to the spacious living room, he feels that stare boring right into his back, past his skin and into the most vital of his organs--his heart that just continues to pound.
Sighing, he wonders why he had to choose Taekwoon out of all the people in the office. Wonshik could've been a likely choice, then again, Wonshik was a bit dumb and too naive.
"Where's your bedroom?" There were several closed doors that could've led to anything, and as much as he wanted to open them to find out the mysteries beyond, right now it was better to get out quickly. Just for the moment, he slips his outer coat off, setting it on the back of the leather couch, noting how even the glass coffee table didn't have any magazines, no signs of what interests Taekwoon. Then suddenly he hears a jingling of a bell and he sharply looks over to see a cat--"Oh! Wow, you're pretty." The cat hops up onto the arm of the couch, staring, meowing again as the feline eyes land on him.
His bedroom? Right. They're in his apartment. Taekwoon still can't believe he's this drunk as he continues to stumble forward. His gaze doesn't leave Hakyeon's back. Not even when he hears the jingling sound of his cat's collar (because if anything can distract Taekwoon, it's his cat). Taking a break from his pursuit of making it further into the apartment, Taekwoon stands with his side leaning against the wall. He reaches a hand out without realizing it, fingers curling as if he's trying to grab the other man but he's so far away from him. It's impossible. His hand falls again.
Hakyeon is about to reach out to pet the cat when he remembers there's a very drunken person with him who might need his help. Turning around, socks easily spinning on the waxed, hardwood floor, he starts to move back to Taekwoon who only made it a little away from the door.
There's something that's just (slightly) sobering about Hakyeon spinning around to look at him. Maybe sobering isn't the right word because, while it clears some of the fog from his mind, it only fills it in other ways; even more so when Hakyeon starts moving towards him and there's an inner monologue in his head that's something like, yes. closer., (he really is that creep). There's something inside of him that's been waiting for this release. Waiting for the acknowledgement of just how Hakyeon had latched on to his brain and burrowed inside.
Hakyeon's the one who had told him to loosen up.
"Do you need help walking?" he asks, too hesitant to draw in close unless it's absolutely necessary. Hakyeon rarely felt nervous, and even if he feels like he has full control of himself and the outcome of what could happen in the next ten minutes or so, he's still wary about the way his own body is reacting.
Taekwoon rejects the idea that he needs help walking with a wave of his hand and pushes himself away from the wall. The room's spinning, but he feels sturdy. With his gaze set so intensely on Hakyeon it's easy enough to start a straight(ish) path towards him. His head is screaming but the apartment is so silent, the dichotomy of it all overwhelming. He presses a hand against the back of the couch when he reaches it, leaning on it. He's close enough now that he could actually touch Hakyeon if he wants but he doesn't.
"Why are you here?"
It's not that he's forgotten that Hakyeon brought him home. It's that he doesn't understand why Hakyeon brought him home.
Now the way Taekwoon is looking at him feels like he's growing in suspicion, dying of curiosity to have questions answered, probably questions that started from day one when he asked him to lunch. "So I wouldn't have to worry about you falling asleep outside your door." He says it so straightforwardly, not even a grace of a smile on his lips. It's hard to smile when he's trying desperately to appear standoffish, attention so focused for any sign of Taekwoon going in for a wrong move. A very wrong move.
Hakyeon wants to share, wants to introduce, wants to write out the reasons as to why he's forced his way into the other's bubble. But it's hard when he feels like any lowering of his defenses right now could lead down a darker, more tangled avenue than he’d like to happen..
"Let me just help you to bed, then I'll leave," as he looks straight up into the other's eyes, his irises a little cross because that was just a subtle feature of his, he sees from his peripheral the way that unbuttoned part of his collar is giving a slim view of the pale skin beneath. Hakyeon never saw much of Taekwoon's skin since they mostly spent time with each other in the conservative work setting. Yet he imagines that the difference in their skin shades would be a remarkable thing to compare.
"Come on," he offers just his hand, not moving in with a full arm support.
It's impossible for Taekwoon to put up much of an argument with the statement at the moment. Not when he needs to be completely focused on making his feet move. He controls himself enough to wave away the hand offered to him in help and charges forward, leading the way down the hall and to his room with shaky steps. He wants answers, but he needs to lay down. He thinks about the way Hakyeon's eyes looked when they locked on to his moments ago. There's something behind them and Taekwoon knows it and it's starting to drive him crazy. It's a need at this point to know what goes on inside the other man's head. To know what he's hiding away behind flirtatious words and bright smiles.
The room to his door is pushed open. It's as plain as the rest of the apartment had been but here, there are at least some clues into his life. Or at least, the life he once had. There's a shelf along one wall, lined with soccer trophies, photos of his old team, a ball filled with signatures; things from his past that all mean something to him. That keep him grounded to himself when he looks at them because there are days when he thinks he's going to wake up and suddenly be someone entirely different. History repeating itself.
Atop his dresser is a calendar, the theme baby animals. On his nightstand, another picture of him and his three sisters, him in his soccer uniform. The picture obviously is cut off either by scissors or the frame it's shoved into.
Taekwoon doesn't think about the fact that he absolutely does not let people into his room as he's stepping inside and unbuttoning his shirt. He makes it to his bed and falls on to it, rolling onto his back. This room's spinning too. Great. He stares up at the ceiling and when his brain catches up with him and he remembers that Hakyeon's there, he pushes himself up onto his elbows, looking towards the door for Hakyeon.
"Don't leave yet."
This is where Taekwoon has spent his time, stowed away in safe walls--and here Hakyeon was, with the selfish intention to rattle them, possibly blow them away if it got to that point.
He takes one step off the doorframe when that voice carries over. He closes in, slowly with even strides. It's definitely a new image to see the other male draped on his bed, the buttons to his shirt heedlessly undone, the undershirt beneath so thin as it's clinging to an abdomen beneath that's rising and falling with each breath. And the tie, still clings about his neck loosely, the ends of it twisting about over his chest and dipping to part of the bed sheets. He swallows.
Hakyeon is like a dream walking towards Taekwoon. In fact, he is almost positive that this has to be a dream the closer and closer he gets. There's a part of him that suddenly feels nervous. He should tell Hakyeon to leave. He knows this isn't what he should be doing but this is what he wants and for once in his life he wants to just take something without thinking about it's purpose or use. About whether or not it'll do something good for him or destroy him.
He wonders if Hakyeon has the power to destroy him.
Taekwoon looks so vulnerable right now. So so vulnerable. And Hakyeon wants to take advantage of it. He could always write off any of the other's memories as nothing--blame it on the wine. The only rational fragment in his mind that's telling him this is deterring away from his plan, away from his perfectly molded plan, is being suffocated out by a more innate drive.
As his knees come up, sinking into the edge of the bed, his unmasking gaze trains on Taekwoon's. Languidly he draws his other leg over, and he's kneeling on the bed--not just kneeling, but he's practically straddling the other as his knees are on either side of him. Lowering himself until his hands fall gracefully into the mattress on each end of the other's shoulders, his arms straighten to protect that distance between them, his eyes now trailing down the figure below.
Lips part like he means to say something when Hakyeon is on his bed, but whatever it could have been dies the instant that he feels a soft weight settling on top of him. Hakyeon is on top of him. Taekwoon can't hold himself back anymore. He lets himself lay back flat on the bed in exchange for being able to use his hands to trace fingers up the length of the other man's arms. Slow. Like they're trying to memorize every inch of them through the fabric of his clothing. Like he's utterly fascinated by them. And he is. He's utterly captivated by the man on top of him. His hands come to rest on either side of Hakyeon's neck, exerting no pressure, just touching.
Hakyeon lets Taekwoon touch him. He's already given him permission. If he didn't want it, the second Taekwoon reached up his hand would be slapped away. Instead, this is the moment where he'll turn the key in the lock that keeps his skeletons hidden in a dark, dark closet that extends into more darkness. Lashes fluttering shut for a moment, sighs of content at the indulging fingertips, heat flourishing in the wake of those exploring touches, he slowly brings himself out--his true self.
"Taekwoon… how much do you know about me?" The next instant his fingertips are tracing over the slant of a cheek, right along the bone perfectly clothed by soft skin. "How much do you wanna know?"
And then he's faced with the questions. What does he know about Hakyeon? Even sober, he doesn't think he could come up with a substantial answer. He doesn't know much about him at all. The second question though--that one is easy. "Everything." He says it so quickly, his typically soft voice a little deeper than usual. A result of the alcohol and the feelings coursing through him. This is his chance, he thinks, to uncover some of the puzzle. Maybe even start putting the pieces together. His gaze remains steady through the dark, the city lights illuminating Hakyeon's face in a gorgeous glow and his breath catches when he feels fingertips on his cheek. "I want to know everything."
Descending down, Hakyeon’s hand moves to lace at the back of the other's neck, fingertips swiping up to play with dark strands of hair while his thumb starts to press more firmly into the side, the tip of his nose is skimming over the other cheek. He inhales, filling his senses with the man beneath him, taking his sweet luxurious time, before he eventually dips further down, lips easing apart as he exhales. "I can't tell you everything yet," the tone of his voice that's usually pure and inviting is now alluring in a whole other way, low and rhythmic with an edge. His hand slides along the column of the other's neck until his thumb finds his Adam's apple, and he presses, the pad of his thumb flush against the hard curve to cut off his breathing for one--two--three seconds.
Taekwoon's eyes go unfocused when Hakyeon's hands are on him. When those fingertips slip up in to his hair and he thinks, Yes. This is what I want. He doesn't bother to keep them open when he leans down further and he can feel that nose pressing to his skin. His chest swells in this moment. Even if Hakyeon can't tell him everything, just something. Some small thing to satiate his curiosity could be enough for him. Hakyeon's voice is sticky and warm like molasses, clinging to him, enveloping him and he thinks that at this point Hakyeon can say anything he wants to him as long as it's in that voice. His hands move to slide up into Hakyeon's hair, to tug him--
There's pressure on his neck and he can't breathe. His eyes snap open wide and the fear, the panic, that strikes him straight to his core is sobering. It brings him to the present. It clears his vision. He's staring up at Hakyeon with the most messy mix of emotions written on his face. He's never looked so expressive. He doesn't know how long it lasts, but it feels like an eternity and when those fingers slip away from the crucial spot he gasps, loud, as if he'd been starved for air for minutes and not only seconds. The unexpectedness of it all hitting him hardest.
"I like seeing people in their final moments as the last drops of their life drains away. The fear and regret in their eyes." Hakyeon’s breath is warm, spilling out a slow trail of words that he knows Taekwoon will need to stay extra focused to register. "The last pleas for someone they think they love," his lips are so close to Taekwoon's ear that each word caresses over the lobe. "'Please,' they say. 'Don't do it. I'll change.'” The dull edge of his nails sink into the other's neck before he drags them inch by inch, downwards to the central base of his throat.
His hands fall from Hakyeon's hair and he's holding on to his forearms now. He wants to pull Hakyeon's hands away from his throat entirely but then there's a voice in his ear, hot breath on his skin and all he does is just grip those thin arms. Taekwoon listens because it's all he can do in this moment. He's turning the phrases over in his mind again and again, trying to bring them together in some way that makes sense but the only way to string them all together doesn't make sense. It's impossible. It's a joke. It has to be.
"They never change." Hakyeon turns his head until his nose is burrowing firmly into the hair framing the other's ear, and he sucks in such a deep breath it could be felt. "They never change Taekwoon, so it's my job to fix it. To correct their problems." He seethes these words out sharply. And he can't help it. He can't stop himself from doing it as his tongue glides out, darting gently into the other's ear for the quickest sensation, for it's retreating back into his mouth immediately as he asks, "Do you know how I fix them?"
The secrecy, the dark secret that lived just under Hakyeon's skin... it couldn't be this? The beast inside of him couldn't have been so big without him noticing. Hakyeon asks the question and Taekwoon doesn't want to think of the answer. All he can think of is himself in this moment. His own life. Was this it for him?
"Are you fixing me?"
He's been broken for so long now. Maybe Hakyeon saw this. Maybe he was showing him a kind of mercy.
A laugh trickles out upon the sensitive spot beneath the other's ear. "No, no, no Taekwoon…" Suddenly both hands are cupping the sides of his face, hands feverishly petting along his features as he pulls back to flit his eyes over them, one hand raking to sift through the thick hair above his forehead. "I need you," he confides, voice still breathless but tainted with such desperation, because all he can see right now is his precious last piece of the puzzle. "I need you to protect me."
Hakyeon needs him.
It's a strange sensation. Even if Hakyeon has never meant to kill him, it still feels like he's been handed his life back. Like Hakyeon has deemed him worthy of continuing to exist on this planet and he needs him. Needs him to protect him. Is he supposed to say no to the man who just, quite literally, held his life in his hands only to let him keep it? So much of the puzzle has been given to him now but it doesn't feel complete. There's something more, though what it could be, Taekwoon isn't sure. But he wants to find out. Needs to find out almost as badly as Hakyeon is making him feel he's needed.
One thing he's learned is that the survivors in this twisted passion are always able to depend on someone else. He's lasted for so many years due to his ability to cut a slice of his trust and give it to someone. He's had so many wonderful marks in the past, some even sacrificing themselves to the hands of justice in order to save him. Marks were people he chose in places he temporarily settled in, using them to help hide his tracks. If worse came to worse, they would take the blame, though Hakyeon considers it taking the glory and credit for amazing work.
There's this intuition that's undeniable, echoing to him night after night that Taekwoon will be different from all the rest. "Will you protect me?" Now he's holding Taekwoon's face to match his gaze. He's trying to keep himself restrained, because the other still looks utterly delicious and vulnerable and he wants to mar him in some way, but he keeps the desire at bay for now. Instead he lowers down until his lips are hot against the other's forehead, tender contact as he's murmuring, "Can I trust you with my life?"
Taekwoon's never exactly felt needed before. He has a definite function in his job, but he's never felt like he had a place in this world of his own. Hakyeon could be his place. "I'll protect you." His hands fall away from Hakyeon's arms only to let his arms raise up, wrapping them around Hakyeon's shoulders as if he meant to start protecting him right that instant.
He has no idea what this will entail or what he's signing his life away too but he feels like it doesn't matter. Hakyeon is giving him a purpose and he'll cling to that with everything he has.
The wind that just rallies through his frame and steals his breath for a second has to be caused by the gentle way Taekwoon's arms so warmly--dare he say affectionately?--entwine around him. He's not used to this at all. Not when he's being open and honest and himself. Caught off guard completely, his arms holding him up nearly buckle under the weight of this new sentiment, one he stubbornly stores away and locks up.
"Good." Is all he replies with verbally. But to inform Taekwoon of how pleased he is with his decision, he starts to reward him by delicately skimming his lips from the other's temple down the contour of his face. Meanwhile as he keeps the sliver of space between their bodies (he has to set some boundaries), his hand smooths down the middle of the other's chest, fingertips catching briefly on the rounded collar of his undershirt, pulling at it until it slips from his touch and his hand is continuing further down.
His heart pounds in his chest. Taekwoon knows he's just promised himself to something dangerous. Something that could get himself into a world's worth of trouble but for Hakyeon, it just feels worth it. Hakyeon needs his protection. Needs him. That means too much to Taekwoon to ignore.
"You have such an abled body. Is it from soccer?" Hakyeon’s hand pauses at the other's upper abdomen right beneath the center of his ribcage, fingers curling as he adds pressure, dragging his nails down the thin fabric to admire the hardness of abs beneath. His lips make it right to the corner of the other's, speaking in that hushed, velvet voice, "Come with me. Wednesday night. I'll show you what I do." He says this right against Taekwoon's skin so that his own warm breath is fluttered back towards him. His other hand is sturdily gripping Taekwoon's chin, keeping him from turning his head. "Okay?" His hand stops at the other's lower abdomen, caressing mildly in a petting motion because Taekwoon is now his anyway.
Lips on his skin feel like an almost too perfect reward. One he doesn't fully deserve just for agreeing to help him but he readily accepts it anyway. His breath catches in his throat when Hakyeon's hand smooths i's way down his chest. How long has it been since he's been touched at all? He can't believe Hakyeon wants him. When asked about soccer, Taekwoon nods his head a little, as much as he can without bothering Hakyeon's too much. His hands press against Hakyeon's back and slip to his shoulders, fingers curling around them gently to just hold on to him. If he could, Taekwoon wouldn't want to turn his head away. This is all so overwhelming. He feels a lot like he's drowning again, like he had in the elevator.
"I want to." He breathes the words out in his usual soft tone, shaky from the feelings running through him. The way Hakyeon practically pets his stomach has the muscles there contracting, twitching, not used to being touched by someone other than himself. It's only then that he tries to turn his face from Hakyeon's grip, trying to slide their mouths together.
In an instant, Hakyeon tightens his grip, preventing him from moving any more as he pulls back, a few inches between them as he studies the other male. A surprised noise comes from Taekwoon, quiet as it may be. Such a shame, really, since Hakyeon would allow himself to acknowledge that Taekwoon was attractive; even in his quiet, distant demeanor, no one could deny he had revered looks. However, he never, ever became intimate with his marks. It opened the gates to attachment, to development of feelings, to human emotions that he didn't have the time for. Why would it matter when he'd be done with Taekwoon in a couple months' time anyway?
Taekwoon can feel the way Hakyeon looks down at him. It's overwhelmingly heavy and only adds to the feeling in his head from the wine. The more he sobers up, the more it pounds and without the distraction of Hakyeon's confessions or lips, the feeling only grows.
After straying his gaze over the other's features, Hakyeon slowly nudges the other's arms to unravel from him while he sits up. He's come too close to the boundary lines and now he needs to fall back. "You should get some sleep." Already moving off the other as well, he sits on the edge of the bed, one hand flat on the soft mattress while the other reaches across him to cup a cheek, one last ghosting caress of his thumb over the arch. "I need you to be ready." It was days away, but still, these things require mental preparation. He's not going to bring Taekwoon in there if the other's going to curl away and tremble in fear at what he sees.
Taekwoon’s arms drop down to the mattress when Hakyeon moves, not resisting or putting up a fight to keep holding him. There's a feel of disappointment that hits him square in his chest. He doesn't want Hakyeon to leave him. He stays laying in the same spot, eyes focused on the ceiling. Hakyeon's hand on his face is welcomed, and it could just be his mind playing tricks on him, but this is just so tender to him. The way Hakyeon tells him to sleep and the lightest of touches--it's easy to oblige to that.
"I will be." Taekwoon tells him. His hand twitches at his side, wanting to grab for Hakyeon's but he holds himself back. Knows that Hakyeon's keeping some distance between them for the moment and maybe that's okay. Things can always change. He certainly has.
Taekwoon finally pushes himself up from his spot on the bed. He sits a moment, rubbing his forehead to try and work out the painful feeling but it's obviously no use. He looks at Hakyeon again, only for a brief second, before he's pushing himself up to the head of the bed. He's not going to bother with changing his clothes. Changing means a lot of movement and he just can't handle that right now. Hakyeon's right. He really needs to sleep.
He doesn't even pull himself under the covers before he lets his head hit the pillow, curling in such a way that he can look at Hakyeon again. He wants to ask him why it's him. Why he needs him of all people. What is it about him that makes him worthy to protect Hakyeon? Because it's a privilege, isn't it? For someone to tell you that they're trusting you with their life.
He doesn't ask him any of that. He just watches him in silence, fully intent on doing so until the other disappears. When he does, Taekwoon falls asleep to the ghosting touch of warm hands and lips against his skin.
part iii.
A/N: Ahhhhhhh I hope you enjoyed it. I posted while in the airport waiting to fly home. Yes, I'll be in an airplane while the midnight fireworks go off. ;; It's okay, I never planned on going out anyway.