(no subject)
Last night, I told Kevin I didn't want to talk to him until he makes a decision about his life. I don't even care at this point whether he wants to be with me. I shouldn't have to wait 4 years and then give him an ultimatum, and then have to deal with him taking forever to decide what he wants for his life. I finally realized yesterday that you either want something so bad that you don't want to be without it or you don't. He clearly has no idea what he wants then has the audacity to ask if I know what I want. Who is the one forcing him to finally make a decision in his life and has been trying to gently nudge him into making a decision for at least 2 years now? I quit, and I am so much happier with this decision than I was the last time everything fell apart. I have altered so much of what I want to make it an easier decision for him, but it still means nothing and he still can't figure out what he wants. I made the decision pretty easy and he can do whatever the hell he wants without having to take me into consideration. It's the only way he'll ever make a decision for himself. And, I don't deserve this. I shouldn't have to tell someone that in 4 years, at least one decision should be made. So I need to stop giving of myself and move on with whatever I want. That being said, I couldn't have given myself a better birthday present. I feel empowered and satisfied with my choices. I am in control and am happy no matter what happens. I'm good and basically refuse to be sad about this because who really needs any of this in their lives? It's too much to deal with and adds stress to my life, and I am plenty stressed on my own with classes and family and the like. I'm finally feeling happy and am ready for whatever comes my way.