MCR "secret" show at PC Richards, 11/30/10
Because of a sudden work issue, I am not at the Roseland Gaslight Anthem/My Chemical Romance show as I had planned to me. Under other circumstances, I would be despondent, but I am simply disappointed and sad not to be seeing my friends and concert buddies who are all there tonight. I am not despondent because, through the kindness of friends, some opening of communication, and perhaps a little bit of semi-divine intervention, I got to go to the 200 person "private" MCR show at the PC Richards theater on Tuesday night.
And it was incredible. What follows is a concert report and some thoughts/realizations of what "Danger Days" means to me as an album. I love all of you, the MCR community -- thank you for being kind enough to read my natterings if you click!
Basically: the show was fantastic. It was everything I hoped it could be. Getting down to NYC from Massachusetts was not easy...work is very complicated right now, and it started raining as I drove to the train station, and the wind blew my breath away when I stepped out of the Subway and onto the Chinatown streets, but I was there, dammit, I was there! I bought a $3 umbrella at the corner as I tried to navigate my way to the theater, surreptitiously looking at my map (not so surreptitiously printed on the back of a Dungeons & Dragons article...house full of geeks! \o/). I thought it was right that we'd be waiting in the rain...in some ways it felt like it must have been the same rain that fell on us so long ago, on that farewell day in May of 2008, soaked to the core as our line coiled around MSG. (Spring had followed me all that tour...city to city bursting to early bloom, until the sudden chill of that day. I remember thinking it had to be that way, that it was fitting. And then I got concert crud that stayed in my lungs for almost a month...)
When I got to the theater, though, the security guards were letting us line up in the lobby, so I said hello to Justine and Deb, who'd gotten there a bit earlier, and found a spot about 30 people back in the line. Deb heard the guards say that the guys were coming out "to take pictures," so we got a bit nervous and excited about that, but when the door opened, Gerard and Mikey and Frank walked past with a clutch of security and photographers, but didn't stop. It was wonderful just seeing them at that point...I honestly forget how *tiny* the Way brothers are. It was like watching a group of nervous sixth-grade girls huddle past. Gerard smiled shyly and waved as they went past, and Frank smiled and ducked his head like he was somehow surprised and embarrassed that people were quietly applauding them. I love how earnest he is, still, about everything. As they walked past, I could see that Frank had dyed/bleached(?) his hair a bit in the back, so he had two streaks of lighter reddish-brown in his hair. We thought they'd gone into the elevators to go upstairs somewhere, but it turned out they were just posing for ridiculous elevator pictures!
Ray, of course, was not with them, because he was still in the theater fussing over the sound check.
When they let us in, I was able to get to the second row, directly in front of Ray's mic stand, and directly behind Deb and Justine. Marissa, Amanda, Leah, and Meggie were all clustered right behind us, and I was so happy to be able to share this night with those girls, and with all the fans.
The concert was just amazing. The energy kept building in the audience, and when the guys came on stage, it was like the energy just ignited, and we were all jumping up and down and embracing and singing our lungs out. The whole band just seemed so full of joy; they kept smiling and touching each other and catching each other's eye all night. Seeing them in such an intimate setting felt a little strange at first -- how was this the same band I saw at MSG? -- but then it was beautiful. Gerard was reaching out so much to the audience, both emotionally and physically. When he first threw himself onto the crowd in the middle, I think the people there were just startled! But he kept coming to lean into the crowd, to hold people's hands, to semi-crowd-surf the best he and the audience could do...Early on, he came over to where we were standing and leaned on Deb and then I was helping to hold him up, first with my hand on his arm and then, briefly, at his waist, and it felt...okay. Unlike at Souls' shows, where I am always worried the crowd is simply going to steal Greg, I could tell that Gerard trusted the audience not to do this, and the audience understood not to do this. We were experiencing this joy together and nothing bad was going to happen to anyone.
At one point, Gerard declared that he needed to high five the audience, and proceeded to high five everyone in the front row or so. I got about half a high-five, shared with the girl next to me, because of Gerard's inability to hold his hand out without splaying his fingers.
Gerard had a lyrics cheat-sheet for "Desolation Row," and still screwed it up a bit. He also messed up the lyrics for "House of Wolves." I have an absurd fondness for singers who forget words to their own songs, though, so this made me smile. I also love how Gerard now always puts his little fingers up in a "V" sign when he sings that they're standing in V-formation. And that he still basically acts out the beginning of Welcome to the Black Parade. Also, I'm not certain that I would characterize his little hip-tilty pose during Teenagers as "dangerous."
I was ready to hear all the new songs, and we heard quite a few (Na Na Na, Sing, Planetary (Go!), Kids from Yesterday) mixed in with older ones (I'm Not Okay, Desolation Row, House of Wolves, Teenagers, Helena, Welcome to the Black Parade). I'm still not used to the songs all being part of one band's show, though I really only felt a bit jarred with "Helena," which I was suddenly feeling did not belong. I would have felt that even more so if it'd been "Ghost of You," though.
Planetary (Go!) was the most amazing fun live. It's truly a dance song...and Gerard was certainly shaking his ass throughout it. *g* The audience just exploded with that song, and we all learned the choreography Gerard wanted us to do (when to jump, how and when to move our arms and hands), just as we did with all the other new songs. There was no shoving or elbowing in the crowd...just all of us dancing as one.
It was odd to be about 2 feet away from Ray...when he was looking out at us, I swear he kept looking startled that people were a) looking at him and/or b) this excited about his band. Ray, honey, you're a rock star. (And I've got one of Ray's "Ray Gun Jones" picks now! Yay!) Mike Pedicone is a beast on the drums and I love him for it, just as I love James Dewees. Mikeyway was an exquisite creature of bleach blonde hair, pale limbs, and bedazzled bass.
I kept trying to catch sight of Frank, but mostly I'd just see him thrash into view now and again. I was very happy to see the return of the "Homophobia is Gay" t-shirt. At one point, Gerard went over to talk with Frank, and Frank curled his hands around his ears to pull his hair away from his face and seriously listen to Gerard...and whatever Gerard said to Frank made Frank's entire face light up in his beautiful, beaming smile.
Gerard was making a lot of eye contact with everyone in the audience, so I had a few moments of eye contact with him, singing lyrics together. Being that close, I could see that he was at the same time childlike, with his sharp, otherworldly features, and not, with slight smile lines creasing the corners of his eyes. I thought: this is what I feel like, too: a child and an adult, and Gerard's showing me it's ok to be both. When he took his jacket off, about 2/3 of the way through the show, and he was dancing and leaning over us in his rapidly disintegrating t-shirt, at one point he was close enough to me that I could see not only his bare skin, but the stretch marks in his side, curving around his stomach. For some reason, this touched me, that he was comfortable showing us himself, imperfections and all. It seemed like it should have been a vulnerable moment, and yet it wasn't...it was a moment of connection.
Meggie already wrote a little bit about our experiences during "Kids from Yesterday," but let me just say that being with my friends, with my band, with that crowd, with that song...was a moment I will never forget. We had been spread out a bit, but we were suddenly all together, and I felt Meggie put her arm around me and bury her face in my neck, and Deb grab hold of my arm, and then Justine, and then all of us were just embracing. This is the song that means so much to those of us who are in our 30's and loving this band. We are the kids from yesterday, yes, but that doesn't mean our time is over. We all still have our love and our hearts and our dreams -- we can play in the desert if we want to, or we can dye our hair pink. It's okay. It's okay to be the kids from yesterday. It's okay to be ourselves, as we are now.
And that moment really crystalized what "Danger Days" is about for me: it's about the life that happens *after*. The Black Parade was an important album for me and for many of my friends my age, and it really marked a moment of acknowledging the pain and beauty of the world and the darkness through which we had passed. But we don't have to be defined by that. We can still carry it with us, but healing from it doesn't mean that we have to "grow up" in the traditional sense, that I have to give up on dreams of art and settle for the drear of fast-approaching middle age. The band tried to set rules for themselves, restrictions for the album...but it didn't work; they had to break through their self-imposed restrictions to be true to themselves. How true is that, too, of so many of us that are no longer "kids"?
When they sing "this ain't a room full of suicides," I take it to mean not just that we're all alive, but that we're a room full of people who don't need to be defined by suicidal pasts. I tried to kill myself when I was twenty, but I don't define myself through that moment. However, that moment happened...I went through my Black Parade time, and now I can both own those times and celebrate who I am now, find and follow my art. There is life after, and it's the most interesting life of all.
And it was incredible. What follows is a concert report and some thoughts/realizations of what "Danger Days" means to me as an album. I love all of you, the MCR community -- thank you for being kind enough to read my natterings if you click!
Basically: the show was fantastic. It was everything I hoped it could be. Getting down to NYC from Massachusetts was not easy...work is very complicated right now, and it started raining as I drove to the train station, and the wind blew my breath away when I stepped out of the Subway and onto the Chinatown streets, but I was there, dammit, I was there! I bought a $3 umbrella at the corner as I tried to navigate my way to the theater, surreptitiously looking at my map (not so surreptitiously printed on the back of a Dungeons & Dragons article...house full of geeks! \o/). I thought it was right that we'd be waiting in the rain...in some ways it felt like it must have been the same rain that fell on us so long ago, on that farewell day in May of 2008, soaked to the core as our line coiled around MSG. (Spring had followed me all that tour...city to city bursting to early bloom, until the sudden chill of that day. I remember thinking it had to be that way, that it was fitting. And then I got concert crud that stayed in my lungs for almost a month...)
When I got to the theater, though, the security guards were letting us line up in the lobby, so I said hello to Justine and Deb, who'd gotten there a bit earlier, and found a spot about 30 people back in the line. Deb heard the guards say that the guys were coming out "to take pictures," so we got a bit nervous and excited about that, but when the door opened, Gerard and Mikey and Frank walked past with a clutch of security and photographers, but didn't stop. It was wonderful just seeing them at that point...I honestly forget how *tiny* the Way brothers are. It was like watching a group of nervous sixth-grade girls huddle past. Gerard smiled shyly and waved as they went past, and Frank smiled and ducked his head like he was somehow surprised and embarrassed that people were quietly applauding them. I love how earnest he is, still, about everything. As they walked past, I could see that Frank had dyed/bleached(?) his hair a bit in the back, so he had two streaks of lighter reddish-brown in his hair. We thought they'd gone into the elevators to go upstairs somewhere, but it turned out they were just posing for ridiculous elevator pictures!
Ray, of course, was not with them, because he was still in the theater fussing over the sound check.
When they let us in, I was able to get to the second row, directly in front of Ray's mic stand, and directly behind Deb and Justine. Marissa, Amanda, Leah, and Meggie were all clustered right behind us, and I was so happy to be able to share this night with those girls, and with all the fans.
The concert was just amazing. The energy kept building in the audience, and when the guys came on stage, it was like the energy just ignited, and we were all jumping up and down and embracing and singing our lungs out. The whole band just seemed so full of joy; they kept smiling and touching each other and catching each other's eye all night. Seeing them in such an intimate setting felt a little strange at first -- how was this the same band I saw at MSG? -- but then it was beautiful. Gerard was reaching out so much to the audience, both emotionally and physically. When he first threw himself onto the crowd in the middle, I think the people there were just startled! But he kept coming to lean into the crowd, to hold people's hands, to semi-crowd-surf the best he and the audience could do...Early on, he came over to where we were standing and leaned on Deb and then I was helping to hold him up, first with my hand on his arm and then, briefly, at his waist, and it felt...okay. Unlike at Souls' shows, where I am always worried the crowd is simply going to steal Greg, I could tell that Gerard trusted the audience not to do this, and the audience understood not to do this. We were experiencing this joy together and nothing bad was going to happen to anyone.
At one point, Gerard declared that he needed to high five the audience, and proceeded to high five everyone in the front row or so. I got about half a high-five, shared with the girl next to me, because of Gerard's inability to hold his hand out without splaying his fingers.
Gerard had a lyrics cheat-sheet for "Desolation Row," and still screwed it up a bit. He also messed up the lyrics for "House of Wolves." I have an absurd fondness for singers who forget words to their own songs, though, so this made me smile. I also love how Gerard now always puts his little fingers up in a "V" sign when he sings that they're standing in V-formation. And that he still basically acts out the beginning of Welcome to the Black Parade. Also, I'm not certain that I would characterize his little hip-tilty pose during Teenagers as "dangerous."
I was ready to hear all the new songs, and we heard quite a few (Na Na Na, Sing, Planetary (Go!), Kids from Yesterday) mixed in with older ones (I'm Not Okay, Desolation Row, House of Wolves, Teenagers, Helena, Welcome to the Black Parade). I'm still not used to the songs all being part of one band's show, though I really only felt a bit jarred with "Helena," which I was suddenly feeling did not belong. I would have felt that even more so if it'd been "Ghost of You," though.
Planetary (Go!) was the most amazing fun live. It's truly a dance song...and Gerard was certainly shaking his ass throughout it. *g* The audience just exploded with that song, and we all learned the choreography Gerard wanted us to do (when to jump, how and when to move our arms and hands), just as we did with all the other new songs. There was no shoving or elbowing in the crowd...just all of us dancing as one.
It was odd to be about 2 feet away from Ray...when he was looking out at us, I swear he kept looking startled that people were a) looking at him and/or b) this excited about his band. Ray, honey, you're a rock star. (And I've got one of Ray's "Ray Gun Jones" picks now! Yay!) Mike Pedicone is a beast on the drums and I love him for it, just as I love James Dewees. Mikeyway was an exquisite creature of bleach blonde hair, pale limbs, and bedazzled bass.
I kept trying to catch sight of Frank, but mostly I'd just see him thrash into view now and again. I was very happy to see the return of the "Homophobia is Gay" t-shirt. At one point, Gerard went over to talk with Frank, and Frank curled his hands around his ears to pull his hair away from his face and seriously listen to Gerard...and whatever Gerard said to Frank made Frank's entire face light up in his beautiful, beaming smile.
Gerard was making a lot of eye contact with everyone in the audience, so I had a few moments of eye contact with him, singing lyrics together. Being that close, I could see that he was at the same time childlike, with his sharp, otherworldly features, and not, with slight smile lines creasing the corners of his eyes. I thought: this is what I feel like, too: a child and an adult, and Gerard's showing me it's ok to be both. When he took his jacket off, about 2/3 of the way through the show, and he was dancing and leaning over us in his rapidly disintegrating t-shirt, at one point he was close enough to me that I could see not only his bare skin, but the stretch marks in his side, curving around his stomach. For some reason, this touched me, that he was comfortable showing us himself, imperfections and all. It seemed like it should have been a vulnerable moment, and yet it wasn't...it was a moment of connection.
Meggie already wrote a little bit about our experiences during "Kids from Yesterday," but let me just say that being with my friends, with my band, with that crowd, with that song...was a moment I will never forget. We had been spread out a bit, but we were suddenly all together, and I felt Meggie put her arm around me and bury her face in my neck, and Deb grab hold of my arm, and then Justine, and then all of us were just embracing. This is the song that means so much to those of us who are in our 30's and loving this band. We are the kids from yesterday, yes, but that doesn't mean our time is over. We all still have our love and our hearts and our dreams -- we can play in the desert if we want to, or we can dye our hair pink. It's okay. It's okay to be the kids from yesterday. It's okay to be ourselves, as we are now.
And that moment really crystalized what "Danger Days" is about for me: it's about the life that happens *after*. The Black Parade was an important album for me and for many of my friends my age, and it really marked a moment of acknowledging the pain and beauty of the world and the darkness through which we had passed. But we don't have to be defined by that. We can still carry it with us, but healing from it doesn't mean that we have to "grow up" in the traditional sense, that I have to give up on dreams of art and settle for the drear of fast-approaching middle age. The band tried to set rules for themselves, restrictions for the album...but it didn't work; they had to break through their self-imposed restrictions to be true to themselves. How true is that, too, of so many of us that are no longer "kids"?
When they sing "this ain't a room full of suicides," I take it to mean not just that we're all alive, but that we're a room full of people who don't need to be defined by suicidal pasts. I tried to kill myself when I was twenty, but I don't define myself through that moment. However, that moment happened...I went through my Black Parade time, and now I can both own those times and celebrate who I am now, find and follow my art. There is life after, and it's the most interesting life of all.