LJI Topic 17, "Negative Reverse"*
I had decided to catch a whiff of fresh air. It’s been so tedious being locked up inside these last two weeks or so. I looked up and down past the small shops on the empty street. What usually was a madhouse of frantic pedestrians and honking automobiles was now only interrupted by a used tissue blowing down the pavement-the proverbial tumbleweed rolling before the wind.
It was chilly. I pulled my navy-blue overcoat more tightly across my body. The wind still managed to creep its evil fingers through the gaps between the collar, and raise goose bumps along my arms. The breeze also toyed with my decency by repeatedly lifting my skirts. I was beginning to feel like Marilyn Monroe, though I was not nearly so cheerful about it.
The silence was equally unnerving. Sure, there were sounds, like the crying baby several streets over and that loose gate banging in the gale. But the usual cacophony of a small English village was absent. Could such a lonely setting possibly be peaceful?
Two weeks ago, when faced with an imposed stay-at-home order, I had looked forward to the free time. Free time, hah! I now cursed. Instead I had spent the time imagining all the things I would get done, but strangely, little had been accomplished. Like a shuffle of the cards that always somehow ends up in a disordered pile on the floor, so were my projects. Shuffled, yes, but no more completed than a mess of fifty-two different cards.
I was just passing the shuttered shoe store when my old friend Holmes stepped out of the bakery just beyond that. He had a long baguette wrapped in brown paper under his arm.
“Oh, doesn’t a bakery smell divine?!” I gushed. “Especially in this deserted town!”
“Why hallo, Judith!” Holmes replied. “So nice to meet an old friend. Let’s wave instead of sharing our usual polite kisses. In honor of that tradition, let us wave first from the left, then the right, and so on back to the left.” He chuckled at the wry silliness.
We fell into step, albeit separated by the requisite 1.5 meters. Fortunately, we were able to accomplish this trick as the traffic was nonexistent and Holmes graciously walked in the now abandoned street.
“How are you managing this quarantine?” asked Holmes.
I explained my consternation with unsuccessfully trying to complete projects.
”I fear I’m also not quite on the same page as my husband with my attempts to sanitize everything!”
“Tsk, tsk,” mumurred Holmes. “That’s why I employ a housekeeper.”
“I run around rubbing every doorknob and faucet with a rag soaked in alcohol, but then he walks in straight from the store and grabs everything. I hate to be a nag, but it seems our standards are very different.”
“I hope you’re not squandering fine brandy toward that end," murmured Holmes.
I continued, “In fact, he came home from a two week visit to the east coast and seemed to think that, because we were married, we didn’t have to be careful. Even though he had just flown in on a plane with 300 passengers!”
“Tsk, tsk” I knew that Holmes was a man of few words at times, though it didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking.
A heavy man came lumbering toward us down the deserted street. We both recognized him as Howard Plymoth. We also both realized that he was somewhat heavier than previously. After he had passed a fair distance, Holmes whispered to me conspiratorially, “I think dear Howard has been directing his virus anxiety toward snacking.”
“You think?” I whispered back.
“Certainly. Not only has he put on nearly a stone of weight, but I noticed biscuit crumbs on his lapel. There was even a smear of chocolate on the left side of his face.”
“Look, let's sit on this wall, “I suggested. "We can sit two meters apart and still keep an eye on the folks coming out of the grocery across the street.”
“There, do you see young Betty MacKenzie? Do you see how she is lifting her fingers to her mouth? I think she is very nervously biting her hangnails! She never used to do that.” Holmes sounded almost gleeful.
“Not to mention, actually putting her fingers in her mouth!” I was horrified. “I bet she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.”
“You probably don’t want me to continue,” Holmes said. “It’s not very polite.”
“True,” I responded, “but your observations are always spot on. Pray continue. What else can you divine by watching our fellow citizens?”
“Well, let me make a few generalized predictions about where our sorry lot will be a year or two down the road.” Holmes pulled out his pipe. “Sorry, nasty habit, but it does help me compose my instincts into fully formed thoughts.”
He spent some minutes carefully preparing his pipe and then lighting it. “Let’s begin by evaluating what the present situation is. Most people are going through great contortions to avoid contamination. They are all looking over their shoulders expecting virus at every turn. They are swabbing disinfectants on everything in sight, and slathering hand sanitizer every twenty minutes. Thank God people are finally washing their hands. I sincerely do hope it is everyone.
“They are staying out of restaurants because they have no choice, again, Thank God. I personally have Mrs. Hudson to rely upon. Besides, she’s the only one who knows how to properly put together my Guinness Beef Pie. She tells me the secret is thyme. Er, humph, I digress.
“Citizens everywhere are seeing people get sick and even die. First, they lamented the famous ones, like the “Hanx” with an ex as they like to write. Then they were concerned because the father of a friend of a friend of a friend was in the hospital and “not doing well.” Still I fear that far too many will not take this epidemic seriously until it is literally their own mother. By that time, they, themselves, will be gasping for air.
“I think the hoi polloi are largely unaware of the financial crisis with the stock markets. That is until they lose their own jobs.”
I nodded with understanding. Hadn’t I been observing the very same habits?
Holmes continued. “I’ve seen several reactions to the chaos. The first and most important is fear. Though, to be honest, perhaps we should list paranoia before that. Consequently, we even have situations like your own, where you don’t even trust your own husband.
“The fear is exacerbated by world leaders who spew out mistruths. We’re left unaware of reality AND left doubting our leaders. That’s a very dangerous trend.
“Combined with the people’s sudden lack of money, plus the unfortunate desire to blame someone else, we have distrust and even racism.
“I do think there will be a massive accompanying pandemic of anxiety and depression.”
Holmes turned to look at me, “Are you sure you want to hear all my gloom and doom?”
“It’s painful, but I think it’s right,” I replied. What else? How do you think politics will play out under these circumstances?”
“Well, I think it’s inevitable that a number of members of the American congress will succumb to the disease. Have you seen the statistics that 9.3% of people over 85 will die after coming down with Covid-19? Did you know that there are presently six members of congress who are in that demographic? Are you aware that fully 194 are over the age of sixty-five? The rate for individuals over sixty-five is 2.2%. That could lead to a loss of perhaps four or five members. I consider them a high-risk group anyway. They hang out in groups and frequently take planes from Washington DC back to their homes.
“I don’t think Trump will be reelected. Anyone with half a mind can hear for themselves that his daily statements are contradicted immediately by medical experts. Trump doesn’t know much, but he was a genius to first sow skepticism about the so-called fake news. It immediately gives his followers a reason to listen to him and no others.
“Therefore, Biden will be elected. He will have selected Stacy Abrams or Kamala Harris as a running mate. Each is intelligent, Black, and female. Biden will eventually succumb to corona virus and either Abrams or Harris will become the first female president-and Black, at that.
“The US will be deep into a depression, at least in the beginning. Unemployment will be startling.”
“Ahh!” I moaned. “Is there no good news? You are making me depressed. Though the first woman president is encouraging.”
A curious smile began to curl the edges of Holmes’s lips. “Surprisingly, yes, I do think there will be some upsides. And either Abrams or Harris would probably be excellent presidents.
“So, let’s evaluate the benefits arising out of this horrific pandemic. Certainly, businesses may find great advantage to the work-from-home model. People will be required to spend far less time and money commuting in their cars to remote work places. They will gain valuable time for themselves, their families, or even to put to their work.
“There will be less dependence on oil and perhaps the strife in the oil rich areas of the world will ease. Money and resources currently expended there will be freed up for other things, perhaps health care. I think people will recognize that we are woefully unprepared in that department. Perhaps universal health care will find a more receptive audience.”
Then Holmes really did get a twinkle in his eye. But haven’t you seen the greatest thing of all?”
“There’s something good already? I was a little skeptical.
“Absolutely! Do you think everyone is staying home, cooped up inside with their children just for fun? By Jove, no! This is everyone sacrificing for the common good! If I stay home, maybe your grandma will not be exposed. If you stay home, maybe the brilliant medical student won’t have to treat you and will be spared her own exhaustion, infection, and death.
“How about the lovely examples of young people bringing older people groceries? How about all the people who are pulling out their sewing machines to construct face masks for first responders!
“It’s an amazing show of community solidarity!” Holmes thrust out his arms as if to shout ‘Voila!’ He was sitting up straighter and his smile radiated like the sun.
I felt a lot better myself. “Thanks, Holmes,” I said. We grinned at each other, then stood to say goodbye.
“Stay calm and wash your hands,” he admonished gently.
“You, too,” I replied. I was still smiling. We knocked elbows as we said adieu and turned to go our separate ways.
President Kamala Harris I mused. Hmmm.
“President Kamala Harris,” I said a little louder. I like that!
*Negative Reversing is a “reverse psychology” selling technique. It helps you steer a conversation in a particular direction to explore another avenue or test a prospect’s reaction to a particular aspect of your product or service.
If the prospect responds favorably, you continue to explore the topic. If the prospect is cool to the topic or reacts unfavorably, you move to another topic.