(no subject)
As much as I do like reading people's lj's and remaining somewhat up-to-date on the happenings of their lives (trust me, I do read, even if I don't comment, even if you are begging for comments), I think there's more negativity and stress and depression than there is good news anymore. I've got more than enough of that going on in my own life right now and to hear about everyone else's is just stressing me out even more, and I'm not on the right kinds of drugs to deal with any more stress.
Trust me, it's not that I don't care. I do, really. And my heart goes out to all of my friends that are going through their own shit just like I'm going through my own shit. If anyone understands right now about being afraid of life and being unhappy with themselves and their current state of being, it's me. Mike is super stressed, which makes me super stressed because I'm trying to help him be less stressed because I can certainly handle super stress better than he can handle regular stress. Upcoming student teaching is scaring the shit out of me. And my mother is planning on moving all the way down to the other side of the United States by January or so. Talk about being thrust into adulthood. I need a real job and a place to live and to be parentless in four months, when it's taken me years to be able to just have a great relationship with her, and I won't be able to have a real job until I'm done with student teaching in December, and that's providing I can get a real job in the middle of the school year. I can't prepare to grow up and move out because I'll be too busy trying to get through my student teaching and the holiday season at FYE. I don't know if I'll be able to remember much about the next three and a half months when it's all over. It's kind of scary and intimidating. Cost of living here is ridiculous. I can't get a semi-decent one bedroom apartment for less than a thousand dollars a month, and I'm not going to have help from my mom or anyone like that.
I've got some stuff to be happy about. I'm not sad and depressed. So that's not the problem. (I'd be sooooooooo happy if I could have my own apartment and have my own space just for me. I haven't had my own room in thirteen years. I need a great job to do that though.) The problem is, I seem to be swallowing stress like I swallow my Wawa Lemonade Tea; I just can't get enough of the damn stuff. The difference is that I like my lemonade tea, and it doesn't hurt. Unless it's no good. But stress is no good, and I don't like it.
So I'm taking a break from reading lj. If you really want me, if you want to talk, catch up on good times, whatever, my cell phone number is up on facebook, and if we're not friends on facebook and you want to be, you can friend me and then you'll have my cell phone number. We can text, we can talk, you can e-mail me at my e-mail address if you want, whatever. I don't go on AIM very much because, well, I'm just lazy and I only talk to the same three people when I am on.
And in a few weeks, hopefully, when I can get the insane amount of stress out of my life, I will return, and I will catch up on things that I have missed. Please don't be offended or think that you aren't allowed to bitch or speak how you want on lj because people like me don't want to hear it. I do. I just can't really do it right now.
I might drop a note from time to time, just to let you all know I'm still alive, and to let you know that I'm doing fabulously. Or at least let's hope that I'm doing fabulously. But I'm not going to be a hypocrite and bitch when I'm not going to listen to you do the same.
Trust me, it's not that I don't care. I do, really. And my heart goes out to all of my friends that are going through their own shit just like I'm going through my own shit. If anyone understands right now about being afraid of life and being unhappy with themselves and their current state of being, it's me. Mike is super stressed, which makes me super stressed because I'm trying to help him be less stressed because I can certainly handle super stress better than he can handle regular stress. Upcoming student teaching is scaring the shit out of me. And my mother is planning on moving all the way down to the other side of the United States by January or so. Talk about being thrust into adulthood. I need a real job and a place to live and to be parentless in four months, when it's taken me years to be able to just have a great relationship with her, and I won't be able to have a real job until I'm done with student teaching in December, and that's providing I can get a real job in the middle of the school year. I can't prepare to grow up and move out because I'll be too busy trying to get through my student teaching and the holiday season at FYE. I don't know if I'll be able to remember much about the next three and a half months when it's all over. It's kind of scary and intimidating. Cost of living here is ridiculous. I can't get a semi-decent one bedroom apartment for less than a thousand dollars a month, and I'm not going to have help from my mom or anyone like that.
I've got some stuff to be happy about. I'm not sad and depressed. So that's not the problem. (I'd be sooooooooo happy if I could have my own apartment and have my own space just for me. I haven't had my own room in thirteen years. I need a great job to do that though.) The problem is, I seem to be swallowing stress like I swallow my Wawa Lemonade Tea; I just can't get enough of the damn stuff. The difference is that I like my lemonade tea, and it doesn't hurt. Unless it's no good. But stress is no good, and I don't like it.
So I'm taking a break from reading lj. If you really want me, if you want to talk, catch up on good times, whatever, my cell phone number is up on facebook, and if we're not friends on facebook and you want to be, you can friend me and then you'll have my cell phone number. We can text, we can talk, you can e-mail me at my e-mail address if you want, whatever. I don't go on AIM very much because, well, I'm just lazy and I only talk to the same three people when I am on.
And in a few weeks, hopefully, when I can get the insane amount of stress out of my life, I will return, and I will catch up on things that I have missed. Please don't be offended or think that you aren't allowed to bitch or speak how you want on lj because people like me don't want to hear it. I do. I just can't really do it right now.
I might drop a note from time to time, just to let you all know I'm still alive, and to let you know that I'm doing fabulously. Or at least let's hope that I'm doing fabulously. But I'm not going to be a hypocrite and bitch when I'm not going to listen to you do the same.