(no subject)
so... im a freak
never realised how fucking long my "posts" are... this wont be garenteed to be short but hopefully not so long. confusions in the air. this past while has been shitty. actually come to think about it... all of 2004 has been. started the year off in college, hating it. loosing jessica. hit rock bottom in depression. realising that i have no friends after leaving high school. going day after day to a job i hated and was getting screwed over from for the past 2 years. my grandmother takes a turn for the worse. disappoint my parents. in the hospital. car accident. mental break down. loss of emotion. loss of hope. break his heart. where does it end. im tired of thinking, it could be worse... i cant handle worse. i cant handle my life. never had this feeling of empty... ness. i wish i could explain. i reall do. i want to tell it how it is. but i dont know how it is. and for some reason i never have. everything that has occured lately has made me question. i feel as though i have no friends. besides for jessica no one calls. no one asks how i am. i dont have a car. i dont have a phone. im cut off from the world. maybe its supposed to be like this. im listening to metalica. crying. alone. home on a friday night. pathedic i know. no need to share your thoughts. this is what i need to get my mind off of... me. i want to be a kid again. i want to have no worries. i dont want to understand life. i dont want to have to deal with this. i grew up too fast for my self. i want to date. i want to get those butterflies from a female/male. i want my friends back. my life back. i want to be more then what i am. im not good enough for me. where is my calling. i need direction. i need choice. i need emotion. i love jessica mae robertson. always have. always will. i want to deal with that. i want her back. i had to hear from her that it will never be like it used to. i think im trying to mend my broken heart. yet i feel like everyday we hang out. i fall more and more in love with her. hate this. ok this is too long. im so sorry if you actually got this far down in reading this... a lot on my mind.. thats all.
never realised how fucking long my "posts" are... this wont be garenteed to be short but hopefully not so long. confusions in the air. this past while has been shitty. actually come to think about it... all of 2004 has been. started the year off in college, hating it. loosing jessica. hit rock bottom in depression. realising that i have no friends after leaving high school. going day after day to a job i hated and was getting screwed over from for the past 2 years. my grandmother takes a turn for the worse. disappoint my parents. in the hospital. car accident. mental break down. loss of emotion. loss of hope. break his heart. where does it end. im tired of thinking, it could be worse... i cant handle worse. i cant handle my life. never had this feeling of empty... ness. i wish i could explain. i reall do. i want to tell it how it is. but i dont know how it is. and for some reason i never have. everything that has occured lately has made me question. i feel as though i have no friends. besides for jessica no one calls. no one asks how i am. i dont have a car. i dont have a phone. im cut off from the world. maybe its supposed to be like this. im listening to metalica. crying. alone. home on a friday night. pathedic i know. no need to share your thoughts. this is what i need to get my mind off of... me. i want to be a kid again. i want to have no worries. i dont want to understand life. i dont want to have to deal with this. i grew up too fast for my self. i want to date. i want to get those butterflies from a female/male. i want my friends back. my life back. i want to be more then what i am. im not good enough for me. where is my calling. i need direction. i need choice. i need emotion. i love jessica mae robertson. always have. always will. i want to deal with that. i want her back. i had to hear from her that it will never be like it used to. i think im trying to mend my broken heart. yet i feel like everyday we hang out. i fall more and more in love with her. hate this. ok this is too long. im so sorry if you actually got this far down in reading this... a lot on my mind.. thats all.