Strength Forged Through Loss of Control
Went to medical this morning out on base, and everything is fine. So I got underway with the ship this morning, yay.. -grumbles-
Sea and Anchor was total crap. Normally I would sit in AFT CHT with my Zen pumping out some tunes and a good book. Because lets face it, it is hard enough to stay awake for 2 hours in a 80-95 degree pump room. Oh no, not anymore! Friggen CHENG and MPA both agreed that personnel stuck below decks for S&A should be cleaning. This didn't really make me happy, so I pulled out my book anyway, caring any less. CHENG comes down and tells me to start cleaning and stop reading. There is nothing to clean in my pump room! All my valves/piping are painted, no signs of verti-green, no salt water corrosion, all brass is shinned, guages are clean, and the deck pates have been wire brushed by hand to shine. Meh, I grab a foxtail and start acting like I am high dusting, and a soon as he leaves shaft alley going up the 40 foot ladder, drop everything and go back to reading.
After cleaning stations I get stuck on watch, they said after S&A section one as the watch. Yeah, 40 mins of it. For some reason I cannot help but to become really pissed off, not only has CHENG not rotated the watchbill again, he friggen dicks me once again into section two. So sleep has now become few and far, because section two is the only one that does late night drills. You could have the REV Watch (0200-0800) and be doing drills at 2000 till 2300, its really stupid. Anyone who has served knows how it goes, "If it makes sence, it more then likely it's to easy for the military to do. So let's make it harder.".
Anyway, I return to the shop after watch only to find one of the guys on my longboard. I had secured in the overhead angle irons, and I know for a fact they had to really try and untie it. I walk up to Santos and kick my longboard out from under his feet and let him eat the non-skid on the deck. He gets up all pissed off and getting in my face, when I just return it ten-fold. Like a jackass he trys and pulls rank on me and I told him to "Eat a dick.". From there it escellated into "I'm going to write you up" then to "I'm always right.", I was heated enough here he was playing on my skateboard when I have common courtesy to leave his equipment and toys alone. I just remember getting so pissed off when we where yelling and screaming that I kneed the door then headbutted it. Before I knew it my could feel something other then sweat run down my forehead. Yeah, I had managed to put a nice two cut on the top crown of my head. Santos instantly stopped yelling and became all "buddy-buddy" concerned, it only added to my aggression. When he started walking towards me for some reason it felt like second nature, I had no conrtol over my body, I kicked the metal trash can towards him and made him haphazardly take a dive to the deck.
I reported to medical and told him I had slipped in MER 1 and hit my head on the bulkhead. Doc took it and gave me some guass to put pressure on the bleeding, he said it wasn't bad enough for stiches. Oh well, chicks dig scars. :P *ahem* About a good 40 mins later I got one hell of a headache, I guess one of God's little lessons in teaching one to control their anger.
Don't get me wrong I have done a great job in controling it in the past few months, just today was one of those days. It's interesting, in the past if an event like this was to happen (being self-destructive) it wouldn't bother me nor scare me. Now a days, I reflect back upon it and try harder not to do it again. I'm scared enough, pyshically and mentally I don't need to let anger and hate control my life like it has done in the past. Hell, most people know me for being the first to laugh or do something stupid, and I want to keep it that way. But I'm also aware that like the old saying goes "Every dog has its day."
Love you kitten, and don't worry I'll be home before you know it.
Added new pictures, check out the gallery.
Sea and Anchor was total crap. Normally I would sit in AFT CHT with my Zen pumping out some tunes and a good book. Because lets face it, it is hard enough to stay awake for 2 hours in a 80-95 degree pump room. Oh no, not anymore! Friggen CHENG and MPA both agreed that personnel stuck below decks for S&A should be cleaning. This didn't really make me happy, so I pulled out my book anyway, caring any less. CHENG comes down and tells me to start cleaning and stop reading. There is nothing to clean in my pump room! All my valves/piping are painted, no signs of verti-green, no salt water corrosion, all brass is shinned, guages are clean, and the deck pates have been wire brushed by hand to shine. Meh, I grab a foxtail and start acting like I am high dusting, and a soon as he leaves shaft alley going up the 40 foot ladder, drop everything and go back to reading.
After cleaning stations I get stuck on watch, they said after S&A section one as the watch. Yeah, 40 mins of it. For some reason I cannot help but to become really pissed off, not only has CHENG not rotated the watchbill again, he friggen dicks me once again into section two. So sleep has now become few and far, because section two is the only one that does late night drills. You could have the REV Watch (0200-0800) and be doing drills at 2000 till 2300, its really stupid. Anyone who has served knows how it goes, "If it makes sence, it more then likely it's to easy for the military to do. So let's make it harder.".
Anyway, I return to the shop after watch only to find one of the guys on my longboard. I had secured in the overhead angle irons, and I know for a fact they had to really try and untie it. I walk up to Santos and kick my longboard out from under his feet and let him eat the non-skid on the deck. He gets up all pissed off and getting in my face, when I just return it ten-fold. Like a jackass he trys and pulls rank on me and I told him to "Eat a dick.". From there it escellated into "I'm going to write you up" then to "I'm always right.", I was heated enough here he was playing on my skateboard when I have common courtesy to leave his equipment and toys alone. I just remember getting so pissed off when we where yelling and screaming that I kneed the door then headbutted it. Before I knew it my could feel something other then sweat run down my forehead. Yeah, I had managed to put a nice two cut on the top crown of my head. Santos instantly stopped yelling and became all "buddy-buddy" concerned, it only added to my aggression. When he started walking towards me for some reason it felt like second nature, I had no conrtol over my body, I kicked the metal trash can towards him and made him haphazardly take a dive to the deck.
I reported to medical and told him I had slipped in MER 1 and hit my head on the bulkhead. Doc took it and gave me some guass to put pressure on the bleeding, he said it wasn't bad enough for stiches. Oh well, chicks dig scars. :P *ahem* About a good 40 mins later I got one hell of a headache, I guess one of God's little lessons in teaching one to control their anger.
Don't get me wrong I have done a great job in controling it in the past few months, just today was one of those days. It's interesting, in the past if an event like this was to happen (being self-destructive) it wouldn't bother me nor scare me. Now a days, I reflect back upon it and try harder not to do it again. I'm scared enough, pyshically and mentally I don't need to let anger and hate control my life like it has done in the past. Hell, most people know me for being the first to laugh or do something stupid, and I want to keep it that way. But I'm also aware that like the old saying goes "Every dog has its day."
Love you kitten, and don't worry I'll be home before you know it.
Added new pictures, check out the gallery.