(no subject)
It's amazing what can happen in just a year. A year ago I was planning on moving out, a year ago I had no one in the world who I trusted, a year ago I was not sure where my life was headed. I still remember the times when I could careless about anyone or anything. I just wanted to get high and sit and write. I could never image my life turning out the way it has. I still feels as though I am dreaming at times. I still wonder what my life would be if I had never met him, if I never chose to take the path I did. Little decisions here and there, made up the past year. I can't believe I am here. I can't believe that my life is what it is, I can't believe I am a wife and a mother. I thought these things would never happen. I thought I was going to live in a little apt. alone with a cat for years before I met someone who I honestly loved and respected. I thought I would never let anyone close to me, that I would never be loved the way I am loved. I thought I would always be the way I was, always be alone or in a crappy relationship where I was never appreciated. That was going to be my life, that was how I was going to end up.. I was set on that fact. It's blows my mind that I have a family, i can't believe all these things have happen so fast, I don't believe every thing has sunk in. I Still can't believe 1/2 the things that are going on. I mean to do much, I want to go and hang out like old times.... But things change, things have changed so much. I don't know myself very much anymore. It's not a bad thing, I am discovering so many things about myself, about Darren. I can't even remember the last time I sat and wrote in a book like I use to do. I can't wait to get settled again in our new place, where the patio and back yard has more privacey, so I can sit and watch the sunset and birds and relax in a big chair. You can lose your self so easily in life, You can live like in a rut and not even know it. It's so easy to wake up get dress go to work, get home undress, go to sleep. Without even exploring your mind. I have done it and caught myself in disgust. I don't want to live like that, I need to be productive and explore new and amazing ideas. I need to feel alive and not like a robot trapped in society. I need to make a change, I will not end up like my Co-workers.