(no subject)
So..what happens when your emotions are in a constant tailspin without an actual reason. Well, I could list reasons but there's no reason to. They seem insignificant and pale in comparison to others, and I know your not supposed to compare but screw that- who listens to that mindless droning until you realize with stark clarity that you should have to begin with. I'm lonely.. ::smirks:: and yet sick of people at the same time. My friends play stupid games with others heads like they are eight...and in a group of people I still feel like a stranger even to myself. I'm tired. Of the stupid catty comments thrown my way..and damnit if this keyboard doesn't start working and my mother doesn't get off my back I may flip out and break something...my hand is looking realllllllyyyyyyy appealing at the moment.
I feel weird...like you would if you were standing on some cliff....looking at the waves beneath you, their hypnotizing motions and yet your still being confined to land. No matter how much you want to swim. I don't even know where these words are coming from...ahhh...I feel like ripping out my hair. I wonder how much of a freak I sound like right now...I just don't care, it would take to much effort. I have this complex of screwing stuff up, or rather, just not doing it right. The guys I like...my body image...and this keyboard is FLADJF;LJASFJAS;DLJK PISSING ME OFF. I'm not writing anymore..I need to punch something..it's this interesting mix of pain and anger that isn't leaving...I want it out...and it feels like there isn't one person left to turn to for it even though I know there are. But everyone has their own problems and I don't need to add. Which in this case I hope is why some of you stopped reading this disgusting rant after awhile. I actually miss my dad too..and my grandfather...I miss having a guy around to protect me from my mom once in awhile like I know my grandfather would have..but he was gone when I was six and my dad when I was eleven so what do I do now...there's no one to protect me but me and in my house that doesn't work. Ha..maybe nate's old advice on his live journal wayyy back was right "problems at home- runaway". Not like I'd do it...I couldn't..and ...ugh...I'm just tired... ::curls up finishing:::
I feel weird...like you would if you were standing on some cliff....looking at the waves beneath you, their hypnotizing motions and yet your still being confined to land. No matter how much you want to swim. I don't even know where these words are coming from...ahhh...I feel like ripping out my hair. I wonder how much of a freak I sound like right now...I just don't care, it would take to much effort. I have this complex of screwing stuff up, or rather, just not doing it right. The guys I like...my body image...and this keyboard is FLADJF;LJASFJAS;DLJK PISSING ME OFF. I'm not writing anymore..I need to punch something..it's this interesting mix of pain and anger that isn't leaving...I want it out...and it feels like there isn't one person left to turn to for it even though I know there are. But everyone has their own problems and I don't need to add. Which in this case I hope is why some of you stopped reading this disgusting rant after awhile. I actually miss my dad too..and my grandfather...I miss having a guy around to protect me from my mom once in awhile like I know my grandfather would have..but he was gone when I was six and my dad when I was eleven so what do I do now...there's no one to protect me but me and in my house that doesn't work. Ha..maybe nate's old advice on his live journal wayyy back was right "problems at home- runaway". Not like I'd do it...I couldn't..and ...ugh...I'm just tired... ::curls up finishing:::