:::Warning Do Not Read:::::
Yes..that's a warning...don't read this...it's me venting...because none of my friends are home.. surprise and I need to. Wow..who'd have ever thought meaningless words could be like a slap to the face. I think I'd have prefered it at this point. I really do. But then again most of it's my own fault for sitting there and LISTENING like the idiot I am. I feel like a hypocrit at the moment. I tell Nate to open up.....when all I really want to do is close myself off as well. I don't think Nate should though, which I guess is where I become the hypocrite because I think he's special and deserves to be in love. To not be hurt once in awhile and just have something come easy. Personally I think all my online friends do....even the ones who don't think they'll find love themselves.. ::smiles gently:: you know who you are. So Dav would probably at this point in the entry be like.. then why don't you deserve it.
Well what if it's not a matter of deserving it but finding it. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT. I want something that I can't place...something I see other people have only in rare occasions and movies and I'm torn. I see the hurt...and I hate watching those around me hurt...especially because of selfish or stupid words.
Someone asked me once if I personally thought the results or moments were worth I risk. I still don't have an answer. I think it depends on the moments you'll end up cherishing. None of this entry is making sense but congratulations if you actually read it. I'm just feeling hurt and torn and selfish. I do that a lot don't I? ::shakes head and laughs:: I'm beginning to wonder if it's a habit I can't stop.
Well what if it's not a matter of deserving it but finding it. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT. I want something that I can't place...something I see other people have only in rare occasions and movies and I'm torn. I see the hurt...and I hate watching those around me hurt...especially because of selfish or stupid words.
Someone asked me once if I personally thought the results or moments were worth I risk. I still don't have an answer. I think it depends on the moments you'll end up cherishing. None of this entry is making sense but congratulations if you actually read it. I'm just feeling hurt and torn and selfish. I do that a lot don't I? ::shakes head and laughs:: I'm beginning to wonder if it's a habit I can't stop.