my eyes are on fire
not really sure why i'm awake. bolted up. my tummy is rumbly and j. is really starting to feel like a little brother, and not in a good way. in an i constantly feel like i have to take care of him, pick up after him do his dishes do his laundry clean up his messes way just like every fucking man i've ever met and it makes me sick. i was doing the dishes today and my dad put all his bread-making mess in with it, so my big act of defiance was doing all the dishes except for those. now the sink is full again and i haven't dirtied a single dish but i know i'll end up having to do them, again. ugh.
i have to work for my father today, which means hanging out in a sterile bio lab with rubber gloves and washing out test tubes and beakers and losing my mind because i hate working for him but i need the money and i kindof feel sorry for him.
slept with a republican. weird. why? i have no idea. probably because i was bored. really really bored.
had strange dreams about apartments and climbing roofs with kelly and jesse and...phoebe? i think and a police standoff and not being able to get into my building except for hanging out over the edge and swinging into the window. then home with a pile of art in the middle of the room and these portraits of this man and then a documentary ish thing? that i had apparently made in high school and never turned in mixed with scenes from a video game jesse wouldn't stop reading about and really wanted us to go find. then told me i needed to look up beauty and fear. com or something, just told me to go to /beauty/fear/beauty/fear. there's a beautyoffear.com which i found because i couldn't sleep because i was scared i'd wake up with night terrors even though i've only gotten them once or twice. it was just too quiet in my room. anyway, jesse said the whole thing about it was that you drove down this road at a set speed and then they would show you things that were either beautiful or scary or something, which has made me decide what my next hair brained scheme/money making enterprise will be; interactive car games/events (think drive in's only 2309823049 times better)
back to bed and hopefully no night terrors
xo
rose
i have to work for my father today, which means hanging out in a sterile bio lab with rubber gloves and washing out test tubes and beakers and losing my mind because i hate working for him but i need the money and i kindof feel sorry for him.
slept with a republican. weird. why? i have no idea. probably because i was bored. really really bored.
had strange dreams about apartments and climbing roofs with kelly and jesse and...phoebe? i think and a police standoff and not being able to get into my building except for hanging out over the edge and swinging into the window. then home with a pile of art in the middle of the room and these portraits of this man and then a documentary ish thing? that i had apparently made in high school and never turned in mixed with scenes from a video game jesse wouldn't stop reading about and really wanted us to go find. then told me i needed to look up beauty and fear. com or something, just told me to go to /beauty/fear/beauty/fear. there's a beautyoffear.com which i found because i couldn't sleep because i was scared i'd wake up with night terrors even though i've only gotten them once or twice. it was just too quiet in my room. anyway, jesse said the whole thing about it was that you drove down this road at a set speed and then they would show you things that were either beautiful or scary or something, which has made me decide what my next hair brained scheme/money making enterprise will be; interactive car games/events (think drive in's only 2309823049 times better)
back to bed and hopefully no night terrors
xo
rose