I am often cynical and cold; I am impatient with others; it's hard for me to be kind; due to PTSD, I have a limited emotional range -- not quite that of a teaspoon, but close -- sometimes the only way I'm able to safely experience emotions unrelated to grief is by writing and reading about fictional people having them. I don't play well with most others, and there is a wide variety of behaviours that piss me off and make me snarl... which I rarely hesitate to do -- better out than in is my philosophy when it comes to rage. By "normal" societal standards, I'm really quite ugly on the inside, and I've made my peace with that ...
In short, I'm not a nice person, and my predominant culture's ideas of what defines a nice person make me gag more often than not, so I don't even want to be a nice person in the first place.
I wonder how much this is a 'society thing', though. You know me, much like you I have no tolerance for stupidity and a great deal of behavior that goes around. In fact, I don't think you have to be nice at all. Diplomatic at times, yes, but not 'nice'. However, I grew up in Italy and being 'nice' was associated with being 'stupid'. If you can take advantage of something, why not? If you're smarter and can get something, why not? We weren't taught to share, but to make sure no one takes your things. We weren't told to play nice in school, but to kick ass when we needed to. We weren't told that ratting people out was bad. If they were doing something that gave them an advantage over you, then you go tell your parents/teachers/friends.
Nice is a very amorphous concept that changes from culture to culture. Americans and Canadians are brought up to be nice. Some Europeans, not so much. PC isn't a term that people use in Italy and if they do, it's to make fun of it. Considering how big the online community is, to impose US/Canadian standards on everyone is a bit illogical.
Yeah, I totally hear you on the North American standard of "nice" being predominant, and I really dislike it too, but it's also true that fandom is dominated by North Americans, so it's yet another question of majority values. It's like that time people were all up in arms about an interview given by some SUP bigwig during some LJ brouhaha or another; I remember I read the original Russian and went "uh, that wasn't really all that offensive/inflammatory" but I have a point of cultural reference whereas many other members of fandom didn't -- and many of them didn't want to acknowledge that their cultural perspective isn't correct just because it's predominant.
It's difficult for me to disentangle the North American expectation from what I grew up with -- when I was a kid growing up in the Soviet Union, I was taught at school that party ideals supersede individual freedom, but at home I was taught the reverse, so it all got kind of manic and jumbled, which I think is why I'm such a fence-sitter by nature. We were taught to share, but it was not in the context of "nice people share" but rather "it's your duty as a citizen to share" -- so even "kindness" can be taught in a way that's unrelated to niceness or inherent goodness.
I remember that wank, and your translation at the type. I have to say that sometimes people are just too darn sensitive for the type of person that I am, and yes, I know that it's a me thing.
See, Italians didn't even bother with the kindness part. We have sayings like 'trusting is good, not trusting is even better', and of course, it's not an accident that Machiavelli was Italian. The end justifies the means is one of the most important lessons taught to kids in my country. Of course, everything is nicely wrapped in diplomatic words. So yes, I know how to go along with the niceness, but that doesn't mean I want to.
Pretty off-topic, really, but that's so much like the Argentinean mindset! Not accidentally, obviously, I have been living in Spain for seven years now and I never stop being surprised at how genuinely trusting and nice people are! I have never been a social climber or someone who takes advantadge in my own context but here it would be so easy because nobody except companies and such seems to consider the possibility.
Could you maybe tell me 'trusting is good, not trusting is even better' in the original? :)
It's funny because even my grandfather (he's visiting and he's actually Italian, even if he left as toddler) feels like taking advantadge is being smart.
In short, I'm not a nice person, and my predominant culture's ideas of what defines a nice person make me gag more often than not, so I don't even want to be a nice person in the first place.
I wonder how much this is a 'society thing', though. You know me, much like you I have no tolerance for stupidity and a great deal of behavior that goes around. In fact, I don't think you have to be nice at all. Diplomatic at times, yes, but not 'nice'. However, I grew up in Italy and being 'nice' was associated with being 'stupid'. If you can take advantage of something, why not? If you're smarter and can get something, why not? We weren't taught to share, but to make sure no one takes your things. We weren't told to play nice in school, but to kick ass when we needed to. We weren't told that ratting people out was bad. If they were doing something that gave them an advantage over you, then you go tell your parents/teachers/friends.
Nice is a very amorphous concept that changes from culture to culture. Americans and Canadians are brought up to be nice. Some Europeans, not so much. PC isn't a term that people use in Italy and if they do, it's to make fun of it. Considering how big the online community is, to impose US/Canadian standards on everyone is a bit illogical.
Having said that, I still love my warnings. LOL
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It's difficult for me to disentangle the North American expectation from what I grew up with -- when I was a kid growing up in the Soviet Union, I was taught at school that party ideals supersede individual freedom, but at home I was taught the reverse, so it all got kind of manic and jumbled, which I think is why I'm such a fence-sitter by nature. We were taught to share, but it was not in the context of "nice people share" but rather "it's your duty as a citizen to share" -- so even "kindness" can be taught in a way that's unrelated to niceness or inherent goodness.
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See, Italians didn't even bother with the kindness part. We have sayings like 'trusting is good, not trusting is even better', and of course, it's not an accident that Machiavelli was Italian. The end justifies the means is one of the most important lessons taught to kids in my country. Of course, everything is nicely wrapped in diplomatic words. So yes, I know how to go along with the niceness, but that doesn't mean I want to.
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Could you maybe tell me 'trusting is good, not trusting is even better' in the original? :)
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Fidarsi e' bene, non fidarsi e' meglio.
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Thanks! *memorizes it*
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