....
I am neither happy nor sad to report that it is over. Never again will I see his smile. Never again will I kiss his soft sweet lips. Never again will I anxiously await cuddling with him. Never again will I come home from work to see him sitting on my front porch, waiting for me to come home. I am left alone to do well in school, and to find someone who will love me and be able to take care of my needs, as he so honestly put it. In some ways I think it's a good thing. In other ways, I know it is not. He was my first everything; as I was his first real everything. He really did love me. He confessed that he started out not loving me, but I got to him. That's very shitty of him to have even done, but I like to think that me, being the way that I am, brought him to love. To give his whole heart to someone, and to push himself to try to do well for the love of his girlfriend. He thought I would stop loving him. So he did his best up there. Now he is giving me up. Telling me to go on with my life, forget about him, and he will try to do the same. That came as a huge shock to me. We promised each other we would never do that. I did so much for him; nobody knows the extent to which I went for him every day. I guess it was never meant to be. He will never forget me, and I will never forget him. I want him to become rich and famous so that I can tell all my friends that they were wrong about him; and that I even had the pleasure of being loved by him. He is a great guy and I was the only one who saw that. I think my having faith in him helped him a lot. I'd pray for him every day to become a better person and want to become a better person. I don't think it's a joke this time. He tried doing that when he first went away, but I wasn't falling for it. He was just testing me to see if I still loved him. I love him now, but I find it hard to still be IN love with him. Those are two very different things. I believe that this will all turn out for the best. It's not meant to be, I guess. I will never stop sending him letters though. Forever will my hand be writing. Forever will I remember this man who said I was beautiful every chance he got, and when he said something stupid, he would drive over to apologize in person. I hope he will always remember me. For I shall never forget him.