Fare thee well, we love you more than words can tell.
Prepare yourself for my last entry. I'm just going to keep writing as the night goes on. Who knows how long it will get. I have some lyrics for you to read, it is the perfect song for me at this point.
Can't you see
That I wanna be
There with open arms
It's empty tonight
And I'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I'm writing again
These letters to you
Aren't much I know
But I'm not sleeping and
You're not here
The thought stops my heart
Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
No more looking
I've found her
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I've gone away
I've gone away
Suits the situation pretty good.
I don't really know why I am so fucking sad about leaving. I have a lot of great friends but I never know why the hell I have them. Most of the time I don't feel I deserve the friends I have. Hell, most of the time I wonder why anyone cares about me. I love you all, I really do. And I have made so many new friends recently and now I have to leave them all. It fucking blows. You know what the worst thing is? I didn't get the chance to get close to any of you, and there is someone special that i would love to have gotten the time to get closer to. I guess its too late for that isnt it? Fuck all.
I stole this from asheligh:
nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so i sat alone and waited out the night.
the best part of what has happened was the part i must have missed.
I have a lot of things I regret. Its one of the reasons I am leaving. I don't want to look back and see all the same broken things I do when I look now. My biggest regret will always be the most bittersweet. I don't think anyone out of the friends I have right now knows this, but I could be married and have a son this fucking day. Could. Thats the regret I have the most, and its the most dual sided. If I could go back and change things I would have done it just to have seen what happened. I've never wrote this down or said it outloud but my biggest regret is not kissing Dana. We had this thing about when we first met what would happen if we didn't speak and just kissed. I didn't do it, and we dated once and stopped. I love her and she loves me but it was a choice I didn't make. Now she is married to what was my best friend and has a son. They are happy as sin. It could have been mine. Out of all the choices I have made thats the one I regret the most. I know if I had made the choice I probably wouldn't know half the people I do now, or have cared about some of them like I do now. But it is one of those things that you just will never be able to get over.
Cat. Your such a sweet girl. I never wanted to make you cry, and I know it's not my fault. I regret that I didn't have the time to know you better or get closer, but its life. Please don't forget about me.
Here is a bitter truth for everyone. I'm leaving. Forever. I come back in March and I will start college in the Fall. It will not be ASU, even if I have to rob a bank for tuition. College will start and I will leave. I can't stay sedentary, I might come back some day or I might not. But I refuse to live an ordinary life. I am not an ordinary person and I will live my life to the fullest, I refuse to be a mediocre, middle class, paycheck to paycheck bum. I have a contract for a novel in my room right now. Yeah, a contract. It's a print on demand contract but its a first step.
Jessica. I'm sorry for playing with your heart for so long. I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you. I will always be there for you like I have always been. 60-40. No.Matter.What.
I am going to teach Literature on a college level. I am going to retire from the Army at the age of 40 and draw pension. I will be a famous writer. I will retire at 40 and be a full time writer. I will be rich. I will own a big house in the country and have a horse stable. I will be married to someone I can give my soul too. I will have children and they will be |337 fucking ninja masters because I will teach them everything I know. I will be happy with the choices I have made.
My friends will be succesful, I will not have them being bums. If I have to shove a stick up your ass to do it, mark my words: YOU WILL ALL BE SUCCESSFUL. You will have to be because I will help you along the way. Just ask. I will be there for whatver you need. If your 4 states over and need help to finish a college course or to be bailed out or just because you need a friend, I will come. My friends have been too good to me for me to let them down in life. I love you all.
Lauren. I love you, you've been one of my best friends.. Enter the manga contest. Finish your shit and do it for me. You will do great and if you don't win it will generate interest in your work. Have faith, your an excellent artist and you'll go far. If I have to pay for you to go to a good art school you better believe I will do it. *deep calming breath* i was the second anonymous poster, and the reply to max was me as well.
Jess. Take care of John for me. He has always been someone i could rely on and he would always listen to me and make it better. He'll be the best guy you've ever known if you don't let him get withdrawn. I'd claim him as family if I could and I hope he knows it. Don't let him get in trouble. Please. *hugs* it will all be ok, and if you dont believe me its fine because it will anyway so :P
I'm kind of tired and I think I'll call it a night. Theres only one thing I ask of you. Its the only thing I'm scared will happen. Please don't forget about me.
Theres more...I know there is and as soon as I get on that plain to leave for georgia it will smack me in the face. I have a favor to ask. Someone, whoever, send an email to cowboy__19@yahoo.com and tell him I'm gone to bootcamp. There are two underscores there ok? i appreciate it greatly.
Goodbye.
--theo
--fuodorin-san
--trowa
--skye
--ted
Can't you see
That I wanna be
There with open arms
It's empty tonight
And I'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I'm writing again
These letters to you
Aren't much I know
But I'm not sleeping and
You're not here
The thought stops my heart
Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
No more looking
I've found her
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I've gone away
I've gone away
Suits the situation pretty good.
I don't really know why I am so fucking sad about leaving. I have a lot of great friends but I never know why the hell I have them. Most of the time I don't feel I deserve the friends I have. Hell, most of the time I wonder why anyone cares about me. I love you all, I really do. And I have made so many new friends recently and now I have to leave them all. It fucking blows. You know what the worst thing is? I didn't get the chance to get close to any of you, and there is someone special that i would love to have gotten the time to get closer to. I guess its too late for that isnt it? Fuck all.
I stole this from asheligh:
nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so i sat alone and waited out the night.
the best part of what has happened was the part i must have missed.
I have a lot of things I regret. Its one of the reasons I am leaving. I don't want to look back and see all the same broken things I do when I look now. My biggest regret will always be the most bittersweet. I don't think anyone out of the friends I have right now knows this, but I could be married and have a son this fucking day. Could. Thats the regret I have the most, and its the most dual sided. If I could go back and change things I would have done it just to have seen what happened. I've never wrote this down or said it outloud but my biggest regret is not kissing Dana. We had this thing about when we first met what would happen if we didn't speak and just kissed. I didn't do it, and we dated once and stopped. I love her and she loves me but it was a choice I didn't make. Now she is married to what was my best friend and has a son. They are happy as sin. It could have been mine. Out of all the choices I have made thats the one I regret the most. I know if I had made the choice I probably wouldn't know half the people I do now, or have cared about some of them like I do now. But it is one of those things that you just will never be able to get over.
Cat. Your such a sweet girl. I never wanted to make you cry, and I know it's not my fault. I regret that I didn't have the time to know you better or get closer, but its life. Please don't forget about me.
Here is a bitter truth for everyone. I'm leaving. Forever. I come back in March and I will start college in the Fall. It will not be ASU, even if I have to rob a bank for tuition. College will start and I will leave. I can't stay sedentary, I might come back some day or I might not. But I refuse to live an ordinary life. I am not an ordinary person and I will live my life to the fullest, I refuse to be a mediocre, middle class, paycheck to paycheck bum. I have a contract for a novel in my room right now. Yeah, a contract. It's a print on demand contract but its a first step.
Jessica. I'm sorry for playing with your heart for so long. I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you. I will always be there for you like I have always been. 60-40. No.Matter.What.
I am going to teach Literature on a college level. I am going to retire from the Army at the age of 40 and draw pension. I will be a famous writer. I will retire at 40 and be a full time writer. I will be rich. I will own a big house in the country and have a horse stable. I will be married to someone I can give my soul too. I will have children and they will be |337 fucking ninja masters because I will teach them everything I know. I will be happy with the choices I have made.
My friends will be succesful, I will not have them being bums. If I have to shove a stick up your ass to do it, mark my words: YOU WILL ALL BE SUCCESSFUL. You will have to be because I will help you along the way. Just ask. I will be there for whatver you need. If your 4 states over and need help to finish a college course or to be bailed out or just because you need a friend, I will come. My friends have been too good to me for me to let them down in life. I love you all.
Lauren. I love you, you've been one of my best friends.. Enter the manga contest. Finish your shit and do it for me. You will do great and if you don't win it will generate interest in your work. Have faith, your an excellent artist and you'll go far. If I have to pay for you to go to a good art school you better believe I will do it. *deep calming breath* i was the second anonymous poster, and the reply to max was me as well.
Jess. Take care of John for me. He has always been someone i could rely on and he would always listen to me and make it better. He'll be the best guy you've ever known if you don't let him get withdrawn. I'd claim him as family if I could and I hope he knows it. Don't let him get in trouble. Please. *hugs* it will all be ok, and if you dont believe me its fine because it will anyway so :P
I'm kind of tired and I think I'll call it a night. Theres only one thing I ask of you. Its the only thing I'm scared will happen. Please don't forget about me.
Theres more...I know there is and as soon as I get on that plain to leave for georgia it will smack me in the face. I have a favor to ask. Someone, whoever, send an email to cowboy__19@yahoo.com and tell him I'm gone to bootcamp. There are two underscores there ok? i appreciate it greatly.
Goodbye.
--theo
--fuodorin-san
--trowa
--skye
--ted