FIC: Things That Go Bump (MomoKai)
Title: Things That Go Bump
Recipient's Name: happiestwhen
Author: prillalar
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 7400
Pairing: Momo/Kaidoh
Warnings: none
Author's Notes: happiestwhen, I'm so pleased I got to write for you! I hope you enjoy the dorky boys. :) Thanks to MA for beta!
Summary: Ghosts, shaved ice, and cat videos. But mostly ghosts.
+
"It's a ghost!" Horio yelled.
Kaidoh stopped short. Momo didn't and he bumped into Kaidoh from behind.
Kachirou pointed at the club room window. "You can see it floating around!"
"I heard the clubroom was haunted," Horio said. "By the ghost of a student who got killed by a bunch of falling racquets the day before Nationals."
A creepy groaning noise came from the club room. "I'm not going in there!" Katsuo said.
"I heard ghosts can drag you down to the underworld," Horio said. "I heard they can turn your hair white and make you sick."
"Do you think that's true, Mamushi?" Momo said.
"I left my practice schedule in my classroom." Kaidoh turned to leave but Momo grabbed his shoulder.
"Ghosts don't follow schedules, do they?" Momo said.
"How are we going to change for practice?" Kachirou said. "We can't go in there!"
Echizen shrugged and pushed towards the club room door. Momo blocked his way. "We can't let the first-years risk their lives, can we, Kaidoh?" He tightened his fingers on Kaidoh's shoulder. "We'll take care of the ghost."
Kaidoh wrenched away from Momo. "We should probably--"
"Not waste time?" Momo stepped in front of Kaidoh. "We'll be late to start practice if we don't deal with the ghost right away."
"Be careful," Horio said. "I heard about a ghost who sucked out someone's soul and they could never speak again."
Kaidoh glowered at Momo but less like someone who was pissed off and more like someone who was thinking about his soul being sucked out.
"It's not a ghost," Echizen said.
"Or they possess you and then you go around killing people without knowing it..."
"You're just being brave," Momo said. "But it's our duty to protect you little first years." He opened the door and dragged Kaidoh through.
+
Inside, the noise was louder: scratchy moans and muffled thumps and a distant howling wind. A white figure bobbed in the air behind the cubbies. Kaidoh's tennis bag dropped to the floor.
Momo looked over. Kaidoh's fists were clenched and his hands were shaking. His face had gone white and Momo figured it wasn't long until his hair would too. "You're not scared, are you?"
"Of course not!"
"I'll guard the exit and you tackle the ghost." Momo tossed Kaidoh an old racquet that was lying on a bench. "Just hit it with that. Unless it goes right through the ghost..."
Kaidoh gripped the racquet and inched forward. Sweat was beading on his forehead and his knees were shaking.
"Come on!" Momo called. "It probably won't suck out your soul."
Kaidoh shuffled a few more inches, then stopped again. "What do you want?" he said in a hoarse voice.
The ghost jerked closer and the corner of a tennis jersey fluttered out from behind the cubbies. Kaidoh barrelled past Momo, tripped over his own bag, crashed out the door, and, by the sound of it, knocked over three or four first years outside.
Momo grinned. He wound up the thread he was holding. Now he just had to turn off the MP3 player and deflate the balloon before anyone else came in.
+
It was all because of Momo's homeroom teacher. "It's important to have outside interests," she always said. "Everyone needs at least two hobbies: a physical hobby and an intellectual hobby."
Momo's physical hobby was tennis, of course. He hadn't really wanted to get an intellectual hobby -- it sounded boring. But his teacher insisted.
His first pick was watching viral videos online since it was already sort of his hobby and film was art and art was intellectual. But his teacher said that didn't count and then said a lot of other things about the state of youth today.
And then Arai kept bragging about how many people watched the boring videos he took of his cat. Which was annoying and also what was really wrong with youth today. Momo figured he could get more hits than Arai and Chika-chan.
So now his intellectual hobby was to create a viral video. Which was a lot more work. But, it was turning out, a lot of fun as well.
+
Momo grabbed the MP3 player and shut it off in mid-groan. He untaped Eiji's practice jersey from the white balloon. He thought about inhaling all the helium so he could talk funny, but the last time he tried that, he'd nearly passed out. He popped it instead.
"Momo-chan-senpai?" Horio yelled. "Was that the ghost sucking out your soul?"
"That was the ghost being defeated," Momo yelled back. He jumped up and grabbed his phone from where he'd propped it on top of the cubbies. He stuffed the jersey into Eiji's cubby and stuck his head outside the club room.
Horio, Kachirou, and Katsuo jostled around the door, their eyes as big as those giant pink peppermint suckers Momo liked to buy on the weekends. Echizen was bouncing two balls on the edge of his racquet, looking bored. And Kaidoh was nowhere to be seen.
"You can come in now," Momo said. "The ghost has been exorcised."
"Are you sure it's gone?" Kachirou said. People started filing into the clubhouse.
"It was just a trick of the light," Momo said. "There's no such thing as ghosts." He moved into the back of the clubhouse and opened the video app on his phone. With luck and a little editing, this was his viral video in the can.
"...and Kaidoh-senpai's hair turned completely white..." Horio was telling Ikeda and Hayashi.
He'd recorded twenty minutes of the dust on top of the cubbies and himself popping the balloon.
"Hey, what's all this tape doing on my jersey?" Eiji said.
+
Momo adjusted the tripod. It was clamped to his shoulder like a pirate's parrot, which had looked cool on the website, but in reality dug into his skin with sharp claws and nearly deafened him when the phone rang. But aside from those minor inconveniences, it worked as advertised, filming everything from Momo's point of view.
He leaned up against the row of shoe boxes and tried to look casual. There were too many people here but ever since the ghost scare, Kaidoh was changing for practice in one of the bathrooms and sending one of the first years to the club room for any equipment he needed.
"Momo-chan-senpai!" Horio crowded around Momo, which was a good trick for only one person, but seemed to be Horio's specialty. "Are you hunting for more ghosts?"
"No, I'm---"
"I read a book on supernatural phenomena and there are probably ghosts all over the place. For instance, if you see a dripping tap then--"
"I'm filming a documentary," Momo said. "About school life. Not ghosts. Anyway, that was just a trick of the light before." Where was Kaidoh, anyhow? Shouldn't he be here by now? Momo wanted to check the time but the time was on his phone and his phone was clamped to his shoulder, which would not be an issue if he had got his mother to buy him the phone with voice-control, but she said everyone got enough of his voice already, thank you, and he should just be glad he didn't have to work fourteen hours a day in a sweatshop.
She was grouchy sometimes.
"...or if it gets really cold for no reason..."
There was Kaidoh finally, holding the door for a bunch of girls. Momo arranged himself more casually. "Did you see that last basketball game we had?" he said to a boy beside him so he'd look like he was having a very good time with some very good friends, not waiting suspiciously for Kaidoh Kaoru.
"I'm the basketball team captain," the boy said and slammed his shoebox door.
Oookay. Momo turned to the other side, but that was just Horio again.
"...lights flicker and sometimes they explode and then an icy hand..."
Maybe suspicious was okay. Anyhow, he had to face Kaidoh if the Parrot was going to work.
"You look ridiculous." And that was Kaidoh, so Momo faced him. He looked cranky as usual but also ... bejewelled. He had three pendants around his neck, a thick bracelet made of some coarse fibre that was probably itchy as hell, and a weird red badge on his jacket that the teacher was going to make him take off as soon as he got to class.
"I'm not the one who looks ridiculous." Momo suspected that he actually did, at least a little, but nothing like Kaidoh. Who also had a bit of a smell now that he was closer. "What did you eat for breakfast? Or is that your lunch?"
"Shut up." Kaidoh turned away. Momo shuffled to the left to get a better shot.
"You're standing on my book bag," a girl said. "Can you move, please?"
"Just a minute." Momo held still, except for sniffing surreptitiously. What was that smell? Kaidoh stopped in front of his shoebox.
"I have the book right here," Horio said. "Look--"
"Move, now!" the girl said. "I need my bag."
"Just one more minute!"
Kaidoh's hand was reaching for the shoebox door.
"There can be manifestations and..."
"Then don't blame me," the girl said and Momo's feet went sideways and his head went sideways and the rest of him went up in the air and they all met with a crash on the floor. The girl picked up her bag.
Momo looked up. Kaidoh was covered in grape jelly. And Momo had missed the whole thing.
"ECTOPLASM!" Horio screamed.
"Ectoplasm," Kaidoh whispered and turned pale lilac. He dropped his book bag and a bulb of garlic rolled onto the floor.
"Fuck," Momo said and crawled away.
+
His phone wasn't broken, luckily. Unlike the Parrot, which was bent at a strange angle, like the parrot had been nipping at the pirate's rum and was listing to starboard. Or was that port?
Momo couldn't wait, so he propped his history book up on his desk, put his lunchbox behind that as a decoy, and checked out the results of his amazing prank.
The video was sharp and clear. Unfortunately, all it revealed was that Kaidoh was wearing another one of those weird bracelets on his ankle. An anklet. And there was a pretty good shot of the garlic rolling out of the bag. But garlic-rolling was unlikely to go viral, even with slo-mo or auto-tuning.
Garlic was a pretty weird thing to be carrying around, anyhow, at least that much of it. Maybe Kaidoh was on some sort of raw garlic diet? That didn't explain all the bling, though. Or why both Kaidoh and Horio had failed to recognize grape jelly.
What did they call it? Ectoplasm. Momo did an internet search on his phone. He sniffed at his lunch. All this thinking about garlic and grape jelly was making him hungry.
Ectoplasm: a viscous, gelatinous substance emanating from some ghosts.
So they were still stuck on ghosts. Still scared of ghosts. Which the bracelets and anklets and necklaces must be to ward off. And the garlic, but wasn't that for vampires?
On the one hand, it looked like maybe Kaidoh hadn't realized Momo was playing pranks on him yet, so Momo could still try to get a decent video. On the same hand, Kaidoh looked ridiculous, which was fun. But on the other hand, it seemed ... well, kind of mean. And that made Momo feel a little bad. Because he was the nice one.
Now he just needed a set-up that would A. guarantee him a viral video and B. not make Kaidoh (and Horio) think it was a ghost.
He'd think better on a full stomach. He reached for a hard-boiled egg. And closed on air as the lunchbox slid out from under his hands and his teacher started to yell.
At least there would be time to think out in the hall.
+
Momo went to buy lunch. Which he did every day since he always ate his lunch from home during the break. But today he had to buy two lunches to make up for the other one which his history teacher was probably eating himself.
Arai had another cat video up and Momo watched it on his way to line up. It was just Arai's cat sitting in a box but somehow 539 people thought that was worth watching. And now Momo was 540. Maybe Inui could tell Momo how to check up on Arai's videos without increasing his hit count.
Someone bumped into Momo. "Oops."
"Watch it." It was Kaidoh. Scowling, of course. His jacket was stained and his red badge was half purple now. He also had some yakisoba bread from the school store.
"Watch it yourself," Momo said, but unenthusiastically. He still didn't have another good video idea. Maybe he could release 500 mice into Kaidoh's classroom? But that time they had only about seven mice in the classroom, they had to have exterminators and instead of cancelling class like a normal school would, they just had to have their classes outside and it was windy and Momo's homework blew away and he got bitten by a bug.
Or try get Kaidoh to trip on a bunch of tennis balls? But if Kaidoh got injured that would be super-bad for Seigaku. Anyhow, Momo was still the nice one. "How come you're buying bread? Doesn't your mother make you a six-course meal every day for lunch?"
Kaidoh shrugged, which might mean my lunch was contaminated by supernatural ectoplasm or might just mean he felt like eating yakisoba bread.
"Senpai! Come quick!" Horio appeared suddenly, as he often seemed to. Like he was a loud-mouthed spy or something. Sneaky but always giving away enemy secrets. And wearing a shirt with "SPY" on the back in sparkly letters.
"As soon as I'm through the line," Momo said.
"Emergency! You both have to come now!"
Kaidoh hissed, as he often seemed to, especially when Horio was around, but he didn't refuse. Momo kind of wanted to hiss too, since this would mean that the rest of the yakisoba bread would be sold out by the time they got back. But he couldn't let Kaidoh take the lead in Kohai Emergency Handling. And maybe there would be something for him to film.
Horio rushed them back to the first year hallway. Kachirou and Katsuo were there too. "Tell them, Kato!" Horio said.
"I ... you tell ..." Kachirou sputtered. Katsuo nudged him in the ribs.
"Is somebody hurt?" Momo said.
Katsuo shook his head. "No."
"Not yet," Horio said.
"Is it a bunch of mice?"
"No," Horio said.
"Just tell us!" Kaidoh said.
"It's the ghost!" Kachirou said. "It's back!"
+
In thirty years, when Momo was being inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records and a cute reporter asked him how he managed to create the world's biggest ball of twine, he would definitely lie and not admit that it was the Seigaku Ghost Incident that caused him to change his intellectual hobby from viral video making to collecting string.
For now, he just had to cope. "There's no such thing as ghosts," he said. "It was a trick of the light. Just a trick of the light."
"Where is it?" Kaidoh grabbed the pendents around his neck and squeezed them.
"After it spewed all that ectoplasm, it must have gone in here!" Horio pointed at a storage room door. Katsuo and Kachirou nodded. Kaidoh took a step back.
"You have to do something!" Horio said.
Momo didn't really want to do anything but he figured if he didn't squash the ghost rumours once and for all, Horio and the others would bug him every day. Plus Kaidoh would never be able to play tennis if he had to wear fifty necklaces (plus anklet) onto the court. "Okay!" he said. "Famous Ghost Detectives Momo-chan and Mamushi will investigate."
Kaidoh froze and some of the colour drained out of his face, like adding mayonaise to ketchup. But he clenched his jaw and stepped forward. Which Momo had to admit was admirable, considering.
"Be careful," Kachirou said.
Momo opened the door. The first year kids moved back until they were almost against the far wall. It was a storage room for cleaning supplies, not very big, shelves across two walls and a bunch of brooms and buckets along another. He flicked on the light and stepped in. "Come on, Junior Ghost Detective," he said to Kaidoh. "No need to be afraid."
Kaidoh hissed and stepped inside. His eyes closed nearly to slits and Momo wasn't sure if he was glaring or just trying to not look. This could be kind of fun, after all.
Momo found a good space on a shelf and propped up his phone against a can of furniture polish. Maybe he'd get lucky and Kaidoh would freak out at some dust motes or trip spectacularly over a mop. "Where's the ghost, then?"
"It won't appear if there are too many people around," Horio said. And shut them in.
Behind the door, Momo could still hear the first years: What if the ghost gets them? Then we'll have to take their places on the team!
"I think they're trying to get rid of us," Momo said. Kaidoh was holding those necklaces again and muttering something under his breath. Either a magic charm or plans for his revenge on Momo for dragging him into this, although it was really Horio who had dragged them both in. Momo rubbed his empty stomach, in case that would make it feel less empty, but all it did was make it gurgle loudly.
Kaidoh jumped ten centimetres. "What was that?"
Momo laughed. "The ghost of my stomach. It just died of starvation."
"Shut up," Kaidoh said. He looked around, like the ghost might be hiding inside a bucket or behind a bottle of window cleaner.
So Momo shut up, even though on principle he didn't like doing what Kaidoh told him to. Because the sooner Kaidoh was satisfied there was no ghost, the sooner they could convince Horio there was no ghost, and the sooner Momo could get back to planning a non-ghost viral video starring Kaidoh Kaoru.
But after about three to five minutes of shutting up, Momo was bored and so hungry that he thought his body was beginning to consume all his muscle tissue, which Inui had told them could happen if you ate too few calories. "There's clearly no ghost," he said, just as the lights started to flicker.
Kaidoh jumped again.
"There's lots of reasons for the lights to flicker." Momo took a step back, the better to see what those reasons might be, and bumped into Kaidoh.
"It's getting cold," Kaidoh said.
"No, it's not." But it was, kind of cold and clammy. A drop of sweat rolled down his face and that was cold too.
A soft scratching noise began, an echo-y, tinny rasp that was all around them. Momo's scalp prickled and his skin puckered. His knees went wobbly, like the joints had turned to a viscous, gelatinous substance.
He took another step and his back was against a shelf and Kaidoh was clutching his hand and the room smelled like garlic and grape jelly.
More sweat slid down Momo's back. Kaidoh's shoulder pressed into Momo's when he breathed, which was loudly and often. The air was frigid. The scratching got louder. Kaidoh's fingers clutched tighter.
Momo took a deep breath. "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable--"
An inhuman shriek pierced the air. Kaidoh dragged Momo away, fumbling with the doorknob, and Momo's one spare braincell remembered to grab his phone just before Kaidoh pulled him through the door and back out into the hallway.
The first years gaped up at them. Momo swiped his arm across his forehead. "It's a ghost."
+
It wasn't until halfway through his second afternoon class that Momo remembered to feel hungry. Because there no way that a creeping chill and a sinister scratching and a ghastly shriek had been a trick of the light. So, Momo's fake ghost and unintentional ectoplasm had made the real ghost mad about impostors. Or that rumour about the tennis player and the pile of racquets was true.
Either way, it was a problem. And due to Momo's big mouth, it was the problem of Momo-chan and Mamushi, Famous Ghost Detectives. Maybe Momo's mother had a point, after all.
Of course, just because it was a ghost didn't mean they couldn't deal with it. They just needed to do what professional ghost detectives did: examine the situation, get some ghost-removal equipment, and take out the spirit, all while looking ruggedly handsome and devil-may-care. Which was no stretch for Momo and maybe even Kaidoh could step up. He wasn't exactly rugged and devil-may-care, but he was persistant and had decent-looking hair. Even if he had been so scared he'd had to hold Momo's hand. Momo flexed his fingers -- they were a little sore, actually, from being gripped so hard.
And maybe Momo could get the whole rugged ghost extermination process on video and viral fame would be his.
He reached for his phone to check the video from lunch, but froze when his math teacher looked over, gently tossing a piece of chalk like she was about to whip it at his head, which had actually happened more than once. Instead, she made him solve a problem on the blackboard and that was even worse.
She kept him for the whole break, lecturing him on how he needed to apply himself. At least she didn't tell him it was for his own good, like all his other teachers, just that if he didn't, she would kill him.
Maybe they could call her in for backup if the ghost went on a rampage.
+
"Mamushi!" Momo waved at Kaidoh as he came out of the school gates. It was hard to catch him after tennis now that he was avoiding the club room.
Kaidoh gave Momo a nod.
"Do you want to, uh, watch the video?" Momo said.
"What video?"
"From the storage room," Momo said. "I recorded it on my phone. Probably."
Kaidoh scratched his wrist. "Do g-- do those things show up on video?"
Arai walked past with Ikeda, probably bragging about about Cat In Box or Cat In Sink or Cat Doing Absolutely Nothing. It was animal exploitation.
"I think animal exploitation is wrong," Momo said.
Kaidoh looked at him like he was wondering if Momo had been possessed by the ghost after all. Then he shifted his bag on his shoulder. "Come on."
Momo followed, even though they hadn't decided where to go. They ended up at Kaidoh's house, in Kaidoh's room, with snacks provided by Kaidoh's mom, who was super-nice and not at all grouchy, unlike some moms Momo could name.
"You've got a big room," Momo said. Big enough for free weights and a small couch and a big TV. And weird bunches of twigs or something hanging over the door. More of those necklaces Kaidoh had started wearing were on the dresser. And on the table in front of the TV, a copy of the ghost book Horio had. Momo knew it wasn't the same one, because Horio's was stained with grape jelly. Also, it was in Momo's bag right now.
Kaidoh pushed the snacks toward Momo. He didn't take any himself.
Momo hooked up his phone to the TV. "Once we see the video, we can plan how to get rid of the...you know."
Kaidoh didn't answer. Momo's stomach twisted a bit and even though he had had two less lunches than usual today, he wasn't all that hungry either. It was one thing to tell scary stories in the summer, but an actual ghost was completely different. He took a deep breath and switched on the video. Let's see what was so frightening that Kaidoh had to hold Momo's hand to cope with it.
There were no emanations or visitations or luminous presences on the video. Just the creepy noise, the flickering lights. And Momo grabbing Kaidoh's hand.
Well, shit. Momo wanted to replay that bit, because it had to be wrong. But also he didn't want to draw attention to it, in case it was right.
"It's probably a poltergeist." Kaidoh opened the book to a marked page.
Of course it was okay to be a little scared of a ghost, because it was a ghost. But it was not okay to be the most scared.
"We should use the Spirit Jar. We need a small jar with a lid and..." Kaidoh hit Momo in the shoulder. "Are you listening?"
"Sure, sure." Momo tried to focus on the book and the words and the serious ghost business. "So, we should find some special anti-ghost weapons."
"Just the jar," Kaidoh said. "Don't you know anything about ghosts?" He got out a bundle of dried weeds and untied them. "We add a few of these and the ghost will get trapped inside the jar."
So, not only was Momo more chickenshit than Kaidoh, he was an inferior ghost detective too. What next? Kaidoh was a secret viral cat video mogul?
"You're in charge of getting the jar." Kaidoh closed the book. "Make sure it's big enough."
"Can I have that piece of string?" Momo said.
+
Momo yawned. He'd been up late on purpose reading the ghost book and then up late not on purpose thinking about ghosts. Who knew they could possess you and cause you to fade from existence? But probably this ghost was one of the troublesome but non-possessing ones. Anyhow, the great Ghost Detectives would remove the ghost before that was an issue.
He went to line up for bread. At least he'd been able to eat lunch during class today. There was Kaidoh in the line again, for some reason. His necklaces had increased to four today. Momo sauntered up to him. "Hey," he said.
"I'm not letting you cut." Kaidoh scratched his wrist. It was getting pretty red.
"You're no fun." Momo jingled the change in his pocket. "So, how about I give you the money and you buy the bread for me."
"No cuts," the girl behind Kaidoh said.
"Jeez." Momo headed to the back of the line.
"Did you bring the jar?" Kaidoh called.
"Of course, of course!" Like Momo would show up for Ghost Detecting unprepared. The jar would be fine. Probably. It still smelled of his mom's potpourri but that would just make it more attractive to the ghost. They would trap it and then get rid of the jar and everything would be great, except for when Momo's mom found out her potpourri was gone.
"Don't be late," Kaidoh growled, passing with his yakisoba bread.
"Don't be stupid." Not one of Momo's better come-backs but he was tired and hungry. Anyhow, he was saving his awesomeness up for the ghost removal. No more chickenshit handgrabbing from Momo. No more sweaty palms and fight or flight.
Someone jabbed him in the back. "Aren't you going to order?"
They were out of yakisoba bread.
+
There was a small crowd outside the storeroom door. And a sign on the door: Keep Out Ghosts. Momo wasn't sure if that was supposed to be "keep out because there are ghosts inside" or "keep ghosts out of our storerooms" or "ghosts, keep out, this means you" but it pretty much worked on all those levels.
"Are you going to get it today?" Horio said. "The classrooms are getting really dirty because no one will get the cleaning stuff out."
"Who do you think you're talking to?" Momo said. "We're the Famous Ghost Detectives!" He handed the jar to Kaidoh. In retrospect, Momo realized he should have actually gone out and bought a mysterious jar with mystic symbols on it instead of painted violets. Also, he shouldn't have forgotten his phone in his desk. Shit.
Kaidoh sniffed the jar. "Is this where you keep your perfume?" He got out the weeds and crushed them into the jar. The weeds were stinky. Kaidoh's hands were shaky.
Momo's hands were completely steady, but his stomach felt like it was full of wriggling worms instead of melon bread. Brave and true, he told himself. Even if there's no camera. Brave and true. "Ready?"
Kaidoh nodded.
"Stand back!" Momo opened the door and flicked on the light. Nothing emanated or exploded so he stepped in. He checked the corners and shelves for evidence of ghosts. "Clear!" he yelled.
Kaidoh came in, holding the jar out in front of him like it was a bomb.
"That's not a bomb, is it?" Momo swung the door closed.
"I thought you were going to read that book, not just look at the pictures." Kaidoh set the jar down on another shelf with the lid beside it. "Now the chant."
"Chant?" The light started flickering again and Momo looked behind him. Nothing there.
Kaidoh looked around too, then held out a folded piece of paper. "We have to read it together." Momo moved in next to Kaidoh. Kaidoh took a breath. "Okay--go."
The characters flickered on the page and Kaidoh's writing was too damn small. Momo stumbled over a line of nonsense words. "Shit."
The paper crinkled under Kaidoh's fingers. "We have to start over. Concentrate."
"Just a--" Momo yanked the page away and read over it three times. "Okay." He held it out and Kaidoh took hold of the other side.
Halfway through, the scratching started again. Momo's hair stood up on the back of his neck and even though he told them not to, his knees went all ectoplasm-y again.
Kaidoh clutched his pendants and his voice cracked but he didn't stop chanting. The scratching got louder. Momo chanted louder. Scritch, scritch, scritch, all around them, like an army of raspy insects crawling over the walls, like a million rats gnawing through the floor. Like a ghost coming to get them.
They came to the end of the charm. Momo let go of the paper and it fluttered to the floor. Kaidoh took a deep breath and his shoulder bumped against Momo. "Now, the lid."
The lights went out.
Momo grabbed Kaidoh's hand.
He didn't care, they were in the dark with a ghost, maybe a million ghosts, and if that made Momo the junior apprentice errand boy to the great ghost hunter, right now he just didn't care.
A drop of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. Kaidoh's bracelet jabbed into Momo's wrist. The scratching turned into a scrabbling. Kaidoh squeezed Momo's fingers and they stood there, stupid and scared, like they were the last ones alive, like they had no way out. "The lid--" Kaidoh whispered. "It has to be off."
"Okay." Momo didn't move. "I'll..."
"No, I will." Kaidoh didn't move either.
A yell from outside drowned out the scratching. "I THINK THEY'RE DEAD!"
Momo lunged at the shelf and knocked the lid off the jar. He pulled Kaidoh to the door, yanked him through the door, slammed the door behind them. They stared at each other. Kaidoh's face was red and his forehead was wet.
"Do you think it will work?" Momo said.
"I don't know," Kaidoh said and let go of Momo's hand.
+
"Hey," Momo said.
Kaidoh kept doing practice swings. "Hey." He had a pretty good grip, actually.
Did Kaidoh ever play left-handed? Momo didn't think they ever had, not together. He tried to remember if Kaidoh batted left or right but it was too long since their classes had played softball. "Maybe we should ... go over the ghost stuff some more."
"We have to give it a day to work." Kaidoh slung his towel over his shoulders, holding the ends with both hands. How were his fingernails so clean? It was kind of creepy. But maybe Kaidoh thought Momo's fingernails were yucky.
"So," Momo said and he thought his mother would be proud of him for having nothing at all to say.
"So." Kaidoh picked up his bag.
"So."
"I have to go running," Kaidoh said and turned and ran away.
Momo watched him go. His palms tingled. The hair on the back of his neck pricked up. His breath caught in his throat. Maybe he was haunted.
Or maybe there were scarier things than ghosts.
+
"Here." Momo handed Kaidoh the yakisoba bread.
"Thanks." Kaidoh's lunch box was on his desk, though, and it was full.
So getting up early to stop at the convenience store before school had been just a waste of Momo's time. Well, except for getting to eat bread in both his morning classes. "Sure." Momo took a bite of his own bread.
"I'll be there in a few minutes." Kaidoh looked away.
Jeez, ungrateful much? "Don't hurt yourself rushing." Momo sauntered away, very casual, like he didn't care, which was easy, because he didn't. At the door, he turned around to see if Kaidoh noticed that Momo didn't care.
Kaidoh was handing his lunch box to another kid. The kid handed something to Kaidoh. Momo ducked out of the classroom. Damn, if Kaidoh was going to trade his lunch away, he could at least have given Momo first refusal.
Momo leaned against the wall and finished his bread, not that there was much left. He should never have given the extra to stupid Kaidoh.
"Hurry up," Kaidoh said, when he came out, like he was in charge. He'd added yet another necklace today and they flopped and tangled as he walked.
"Did you even eat?" Momo un-leaned himself.
"I'll eat later." Kaidoh headed for the first-year building, with Momo trailing behind him.
Fine, Momo thought. The sooner this was over, the better.
"Wait." Kaidoh grabbed Momo's wrist.
"Hurry up, wait, make up your mind."
Kaidoh held up Momo's hand. Maybe he was inspecting Momo's nails, which Momo had actually scrubbed that morning, but which already had flecks of bread and dust underneath them.
"Is this a hygiene check? Is the ghost a neat freak?"
"Shut up." Kaidoh pushed a bracelet over Momo's hand, like the one he was wearing.
It was just as itchy as Momo thought it would be. "Um..."
"It's a charm." Kaidoh looked away. "Against ghosts." He let go and started walking again.
"Thanks," Momo said.
+
The lid was on the floor. Kaidoh picked it up and put it on the jar.
"What now?" Momo asked.
"That's it," Kaidoh said. "We just have to bury the jar somewhere."
"How about the Fudomine tennis courts?"
Kaidoh snorted.
"So, no more ghost." Momo looked around the room. It didn't look like the sinister location of an eerie haunting. Just a cleaning closet. He reached out, hesitated, then put his hand on Kaidoh's shoulder. "No more ghost detectives."
Kaidoh didn't answer. He just stood there, looking down at the jar in his hands. Momo could see the tag sticking up from the back of his shirt.
At least Momo would have more time for his viral videos now. This time, maybe he'd focus on Eiji. Instead of Kaidoh.
"I should go," Kaidoh said. "We can leave the jar here until after school." He put it back on the shelf.
"I should go too," Momo said. "I'm a busy guy." He still had his hand on Kaidoh's shoulder. It was warm under his hand, Kaidoh was a hot-blooded guy. And Momo's fingers were kind of-- "Is it getting cold in here?"
"No." Kaidoh shivered.
The lights flickered. There was a horrible screech.
As they were scrambling terrified out the door, Momo realized he was smiling.
+
Momo crumpled up the paper cone and tossed it into his wastebasket. "Two points!"
Kaidoh was still eating his shaved ice. The corners of his mouth were purple. Maybe Momo's were red. He tried to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror, but they were sitting on the floor and the angle was wrong.
They were supposed to be planning what to do next about the ghost, which was why they were in Momo's room. The shaved ice was because it was hot and Momo was hungry. Momo leaned back on his hands. It was still hot. He wasn't quite looking at Kaidoh. Kaidoh wasn't quite looking at him.
Momo couldn't think of anything to say. He couldn't think of anything to say and the sun was on the floor behind Kaidoh and Kaidoh looked...nice. A trick of the light, Momo told himself. A trick of the light.
The ghost book was open between them. Momo bent forward to look at it. His wrist itched from the bracelet and he scratched it. Kaidoh bent forward too and their arms brushed together. The hair prickled up on the back of Momo's neck and his gut turned over and he was afraid, but he had the bracelet to protect him so he leaned in. He leaned in and he kissed Kaidoh on the mouth.
Kaidoh stared at him, like he'd stared at Momo lots of times before, usually right before he punched him. Momo braced for impact. Then Kaidoh closed his eyes.
Momo closed his too and only got Kaidoh's bottom lip this time but Kaidoh shifted and Momo jostled and they got their mouths together, warm, a little wet, completely terrifying. Kaidoh smelled like garlic and tasted like grape and he put his hand on the back of Momo's neck for just a minute.
"Shit," Kaidoh said, when they were done, which was hardly complimentary, but before Momo could be offended, he saw the rest of Kaidoh's shaved ice. On top of the open book.
"It was already purple," Momo said and went to get a rag.
+
Kaidoh put the bowl down on the shelf. "Um." He didn't really look at Momo.
Momo didn't really look at Kaidoh either. "Wait until I get the camera set up." If the exorcism worked, Momo would have a viral video for sure. And if it didn't, well, maybe then people would at least know why there were three ghosts in the storage room.
"First we put the things into the bowl, then we add the herbs," Kaidoh said. "Then we burn them."
"Then the cleaning supplies blow up." Momo taped the Parrot to the shelf. It was still listing a bit to the side, but it should be good enough. Ghost videos always had a weird angle, anyhow.
"Then the ghost appears and we turn it with the charm."
"Why don't we have guns?" Momo fiddled with the phone some more. Because when he turned around, he was going to be alone with Kaidoh and that was making his stomach jumpy even before the ghost turned up. "I saw a show where guys shot ghosts with guns."
"Come on."
Momo turned around. Kaidoh was staring straight ahead. He wasn't pale like usual. In fact, he was kind of pink. Momo grinned. "Okay, let's go."
They took turns adding things to the bowl: a piece of chalk, an old math exam, a ticket from last year's cultural exhibition, a piece of bread from the school store. A small piece. A scrap of Momo's first-year uniform.
"How do we even know the ghost was a student here?" Momo said.
Kaidoh lit a match and dropped it into the bowl. The math test flared up. The cloth began to smoulder. And they waited.
Nothing happened.
Momo still wasn't looking at Kaidoh and Kaidoh still wasn't looking at Momo, but Momo felt like they were, like they were staring straight at each other and the air between them was filled with jumpy tension lines. Momo's skin pricked up in goosebumps. His knees went swimmy. His forehead went sweaty.
Kaidoh took his hand. He didn't grab it, he bumped his hand up against Momo's and his fingers nudged at Momo's fingers and Momo opened his hand and Kaidoh's fingers slid between Momo's. Momo closed his eyes.
He was going to count to ten. And then he was going to turn to Kaidoh and he would, well, he knew what he would do. One...two... His palm was sweating onto Kaidoh's. Three...four... The room smelled like smoke. Five...six... Kaidoh's fingers tightened around Momo's. Seven...eight... Momo's armpits were sweating through his sports-strength antiperspirant. Nine...ten...
Momo opened his eyes. He turned to Kaidoh. Kaidoh looked at Momo. Momo took a deep breath.
The ghost jumped onto Momo's face.
There was a clang and a screech and a ghost ON HIS FACE. He also heard a scream, but that turned out to be him.
"It's on me! It's on me! It's on me!" Momo clawed at the ghost. The ghost clawed at him. Momo screamed again and flailed his arms. He connected with something solid.
Then it was gone. There was a bang. And Kaidoh, sitting on an overturned bucket. The bucket was screeching and scratching. One side of Kaidoh's face was red.
"You caught the ghost!" Momo held out his fist.
Kaidoh bumped it. "It's a raccoon," he said. "It came out of the vent."
"Of course." Momo wiped his face on his shirt. "There's no such thing as ghosts."
+
On his way into school, Momo spotted the kid who was eating Kaidoh's lunches. "I hear you've got some charms to sell."
"Sure," the kid said. "This is a great one -- protects against both ghosts and vampires." He held out a silver necklace with a green star.
It was exactly the same as the one Momo's sister got from the 100 yen store. "You're Suzuki, right?"
The kid nodded.
"Thanks," Momo said.
+
"Inui-senpai said the raccoon was chewing on the wires, so it made the lights flicker and the aircon malfunction." Kaidoh hooked his fingers through the wire fence. Behind it, Fuji and Inui were playing a practice match.
"I suspected all along." Momo took a sidelong glance at Kaidoh. The side of his face was all purple. Momo hoped he would blame the raccoon. "And the, uh, ghost in the club room turned out to be just a balloon someone left there. I think it was Echizen. So it's okay to go in there."
Kaidoh stared at the court. The necklaces were gone. He was still wearing that scratchy bracelet, but then, so was Momo.
"And the ectoplasm was fake," Momo said. "There's this guy Suzuki in your class who's been tricking you..."
Kaidoh scowled. "That jerk."
Momo considered offering to hold Kaidoh's bag when he dealt with Suzuki, but it was probably smarter to stay out of it. In case any inconvenient questions were raised.
Fuji served an ace. Momo cheered. Everything was turning out okay. Kaidoh didn't know about the ghost pranks, the raccoon was caught, and Momo hadn't had to get a bunch of rabies shots, just one for tetanus. But still. Momo scratched his wrist. "Hey, after practice..."
"I'm going running."
"Sure." Momo tugged at the bracelet. Stupid itchy useless thing.
"Um...after supper..."
Momo glanced over. Kaidoh's face was now purple and pink. Momo grinned. "I could come over."
"If you want." Kaidoh looked straight ahead.
"Okay." Momo bumped his shoulder against Kaidoh's, just once, then went for a drink of water.
"Are you sunburned, Momo?" Eiji said. "Your face is pink!"
"Just a trick of the light," Momo said. "A trick of the light."
+
Momo edited out the hand-holding and posted the Boy Attacked By Raccoon video. He got 892 hits. Arai's Cat In Paper Bag video got 3000.
On the way to Kaidoh's house, Momo found three pieces of string.
Recipient's Name: happiestwhen
Author: prillalar
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 7400
Pairing: Momo/Kaidoh
Warnings: none
Author's Notes: happiestwhen, I'm so pleased I got to write for you! I hope you enjoy the dorky boys. :) Thanks to MA for beta!
Summary: Ghosts, shaved ice, and cat videos. But mostly ghosts.
+
"It's a ghost!" Horio yelled.
Kaidoh stopped short. Momo didn't and he bumped into Kaidoh from behind.
Kachirou pointed at the club room window. "You can see it floating around!"
"I heard the clubroom was haunted," Horio said. "By the ghost of a student who got killed by a bunch of falling racquets the day before Nationals."
A creepy groaning noise came from the club room. "I'm not going in there!" Katsuo said.
"I heard ghosts can drag you down to the underworld," Horio said. "I heard they can turn your hair white and make you sick."
"Do you think that's true, Mamushi?" Momo said.
"I left my practice schedule in my classroom." Kaidoh turned to leave but Momo grabbed his shoulder.
"Ghosts don't follow schedules, do they?" Momo said.
"How are we going to change for practice?" Kachirou said. "We can't go in there!"
Echizen shrugged and pushed towards the club room door. Momo blocked his way. "We can't let the first-years risk their lives, can we, Kaidoh?" He tightened his fingers on Kaidoh's shoulder. "We'll take care of the ghost."
Kaidoh wrenched away from Momo. "We should probably--"
"Not waste time?" Momo stepped in front of Kaidoh. "We'll be late to start practice if we don't deal with the ghost right away."
"Be careful," Horio said. "I heard about a ghost who sucked out someone's soul and they could never speak again."
Kaidoh glowered at Momo but less like someone who was pissed off and more like someone who was thinking about his soul being sucked out.
"It's not a ghost," Echizen said.
"Or they possess you and then you go around killing people without knowing it..."
"You're just being brave," Momo said. "But it's our duty to protect you little first years." He opened the door and dragged Kaidoh through.
+
Inside, the noise was louder: scratchy moans and muffled thumps and a distant howling wind. A white figure bobbed in the air behind the cubbies. Kaidoh's tennis bag dropped to the floor.
Momo looked over. Kaidoh's fists were clenched and his hands were shaking. His face had gone white and Momo figured it wasn't long until his hair would too. "You're not scared, are you?"
"Of course not!"
"I'll guard the exit and you tackle the ghost." Momo tossed Kaidoh an old racquet that was lying on a bench. "Just hit it with that. Unless it goes right through the ghost..."
Kaidoh gripped the racquet and inched forward. Sweat was beading on his forehead and his knees were shaking.
"Come on!" Momo called. "It probably won't suck out your soul."
Kaidoh shuffled a few more inches, then stopped again. "What do you want?" he said in a hoarse voice.
The ghost jerked closer and the corner of a tennis jersey fluttered out from behind the cubbies. Kaidoh barrelled past Momo, tripped over his own bag, crashed out the door, and, by the sound of it, knocked over three or four first years outside.
Momo grinned. He wound up the thread he was holding. Now he just had to turn off the MP3 player and deflate the balloon before anyone else came in.
+
It was all because of Momo's homeroom teacher. "It's important to have outside interests," she always said. "Everyone needs at least two hobbies: a physical hobby and an intellectual hobby."
Momo's physical hobby was tennis, of course. He hadn't really wanted to get an intellectual hobby -- it sounded boring. But his teacher insisted.
His first pick was watching viral videos online since it was already sort of his hobby and film was art and art was intellectual. But his teacher said that didn't count and then said a lot of other things about the state of youth today.
And then Arai kept bragging about how many people watched the boring videos he took of his cat. Which was annoying and also what was really wrong with youth today. Momo figured he could get more hits than Arai and Chika-chan.
So now his intellectual hobby was to create a viral video. Which was a lot more work. But, it was turning out, a lot of fun as well.
+
Momo grabbed the MP3 player and shut it off in mid-groan. He untaped Eiji's practice jersey from the white balloon. He thought about inhaling all the helium so he could talk funny, but the last time he tried that, he'd nearly passed out. He popped it instead.
"Momo-chan-senpai?" Horio yelled. "Was that the ghost sucking out your soul?"
"That was the ghost being defeated," Momo yelled back. He jumped up and grabbed his phone from where he'd propped it on top of the cubbies. He stuffed the jersey into Eiji's cubby and stuck his head outside the club room.
Horio, Kachirou, and Katsuo jostled around the door, their eyes as big as those giant pink peppermint suckers Momo liked to buy on the weekends. Echizen was bouncing two balls on the edge of his racquet, looking bored. And Kaidoh was nowhere to be seen.
"You can come in now," Momo said. "The ghost has been exorcised."
"Are you sure it's gone?" Kachirou said. People started filing into the clubhouse.
"It was just a trick of the light," Momo said. "There's no such thing as ghosts." He moved into the back of the clubhouse and opened the video app on his phone. With luck and a little editing, this was his viral video in the can.
"...and Kaidoh-senpai's hair turned completely white..." Horio was telling Ikeda and Hayashi.
He'd recorded twenty minutes of the dust on top of the cubbies and himself popping the balloon.
"Hey, what's all this tape doing on my jersey?" Eiji said.
+
Momo adjusted the tripod. It was clamped to his shoulder like a pirate's parrot, which had looked cool on the website, but in reality dug into his skin with sharp claws and nearly deafened him when the phone rang. But aside from those minor inconveniences, it worked as advertised, filming everything from Momo's point of view.
He leaned up against the row of shoe boxes and tried to look casual. There were too many people here but ever since the ghost scare, Kaidoh was changing for practice in one of the bathrooms and sending one of the first years to the club room for any equipment he needed.
"Momo-chan-senpai!" Horio crowded around Momo, which was a good trick for only one person, but seemed to be Horio's specialty. "Are you hunting for more ghosts?"
"No, I'm---"
"I read a book on supernatural phenomena and there are probably ghosts all over the place. For instance, if you see a dripping tap then--"
"I'm filming a documentary," Momo said. "About school life. Not ghosts. Anyway, that was just a trick of the light before." Where was Kaidoh, anyhow? Shouldn't he be here by now? Momo wanted to check the time but the time was on his phone and his phone was clamped to his shoulder, which would not be an issue if he had got his mother to buy him the phone with voice-control, but she said everyone got enough of his voice already, thank you, and he should just be glad he didn't have to work fourteen hours a day in a sweatshop.
She was grouchy sometimes.
"...or if it gets really cold for no reason..."
There was Kaidoh finally, holding the door for a bunch of girls. Momo arranged himself more casually. "Did you see that last basketball game we had?" he said to a boy beside him so he'd look like he was having a very good time with some very good friends, not waiting suspiciously for Kaidoh Kaoru.
"I'm the basketball team captain," the boy said and slammed his shoebox door.
Oookay. Momo turned to the other side, but that was just Horio again.
"...lights flicker and sometimes they explode and then an icy hand..."
Maybe suspicious was okay. Anyhow, he had to face Kaidoh if the Parrot was going to work.
"You look ridiculous." And that was Kaidoh, so Momo faced him. He looked cranky as usual but also ... bejewelled. He had three pendants around his neck, a thick bracelet made of some coarse fibre that was probably itchy as hell, and a weird red badge on his jacket that the teacher was going to make him take off as soon as he got to class.
"I'm not the one who looks ridiculous." Momo suspected that he actually did, at least a little, but nothing like Kaidoh. Who also had a bit of a smell now that he was closer. "What did you eat for breakfast? Or is that your lunch?"
"Shut up." Kaidoh turned away. Momo shuffled to the left to get a better shot.
"You're standing on my book bag," a girl said. "Can you move, please?"
"Just a minute." Momo held still, except for sniffing surreptitiously. What was that smell? Kaidoh stopped in front of his shoebox.
"I have the book right here," Horio said. "Look--"
"Move, now!" the girl said. "I need my bag."
"Just one more minute!"
Kaidoh's hand was reaching for the shoebox door.
"There can be manifestations and..."
"Then don't blame me," the girl said and Momo's feet went sideways and his head went sideways and the rest of him went up in the air and they all met with a crash on the floor. The girl picked up her bag.
Momo looked up. Kaidoh was covered in grape jelly. And Momo had missed the whole thing.
"ECTOPLASM!" Horio screamed.
"Ectoplasm," Kaidoh whispered and turned pale lilac. He dropped his book bag and a bulb of garlic rolled onto the floor.
"Fuck," Momo said and crawled away.
+
His phone wasn't broken, luckily. Unlike the Parrot, which was bent at a strange angle, like the parrot had been nipping at the pirate's rum and was listing to starboard. Or was that port?
Momo couldn't wait, so he propped his history book up on his desk, put his lunchbox behind that as a decoy, and checked out the results of his amazing prank.
The video was sharp and clear. Unfortunately, all it revealed was that Kaidoh was wearing another one of those weird bracelets on his ankle. An anklet. And there was a pretty good shot of the garlic rolling out of the bag. But garlic-rolling was unlikely to go viral, even with slo-mo or auto-tuning.
Garlic was a pretty weird thing to be carrying around, anyhow, at least that much of it. Maybe Kaidoh was on some sort of raw garlic diet? That didn't explain all the bling, though. Or why both Kaidoh and Horio had failed to recognize grape jelly.
What did they call it? Ectoplasm. Momo did an internet search on his phone. He sniffed at his lunch. All this thinking about garlic and grape jelly was making him hungry.
Ectoplasm: a viscous, gelatinous substance emanating from some ghosts.
So they were still stuck on ghosts. Still scared of ghosts. Which the bracelets and anklets and necklaces must be to ward off. And the garlic, but wasn't that for vampires?
On the one hand, it looked like maybe Kaidoh hadn't realized Momo was playing pranks on him yet, so Momo could still try to get a decent video. On the same hand, Kaidoh looked ridiculous, which was fun. But on the other hand, it seemed ... well, kind of mean. And that made Momo feel a little bad. Because he was the nice one.
Now he just needed a set-up that would A. guarantee him a viral video and B. not make Kaidoh (and Horio) think it was a ghost.
He'd think better on a full stomach. He reached for a hard-boiled egg. And closed on air as the lunchbox slid out from under his hands and his teacher started to yell.
At least there would be time to think out in the hall.
+
Momo went to buy lunch. Which he did every day since he always ate his lunch from home during the break. But today he had to buy two lunches to make up for the other one which his history teacher was probably eating himself.
Arai had another cat video up and Momo watched it on his way to line up. It was just Arai's cat sitting in a box but somehow 539 people thought that was worth watching. And now Momo was 540. Maybe Inui could tell Momo how to check up on Arai's videos without increasing his hit count.
Someone bumped into Momo. "Oops."
"Watch it." It was Kaidoh. Scowling, of course. His jacket was stained and his red badge was half purple now. He also had some yakisoba bread from the school store.
"Watch it yourself," Momo said, but unenthusiastically. He still didn't have another good video idea. Maybe he could release 500 mice into Kaidoh's classroom? But that time they had only about seven mice in the classroom, they had to have exterminators and instead of cancelling class like a normal school would, they just had to have their classes outside and it was windy and Momo's homework blew away and he got bitten by a bug.
Or try get Kaidoh to trip on a bunch of tennis balls? But if Kaidoh got injured that would be super-bad for Seigaku. Anyhow, Momo was still the nice one. "How come you're buying bread? Doesn't your mother make you a six-course meal every day for lunch?"
Kaidoh shrugged, which might mean my lunch was contaminated by supernatural ectoplasm or might just mean he felt like eating yakisoba bread.
"Senpai! Come quick!" Horio appeared suddenly, as he often seemed to. Like he was a loud-mouthed spy or something. Sneaky but always giving away enemy secrets. And wearing a shirt with "SPY" on the back in sparkly letters.
"As soon as I'm through the line," Momo said.
"Emergency! You both have to come now!"
Kaidoh hissed, as he often seemed to, especially when Horio was around, but he didn't refuse. Momo kind of wanted to hiss too, since this would mean that the rest of the yakisoba bread would be sold out by the time they got back. But he couldn't let Kaidoh take the lead in Kohai Emergency Handling. And maybe there would be something for him to film.
Horio rushed them back to the first year hallway. Kachirou and Katsuo were there too. "Tell them, Kato!" Horio said.
"I ... you tell ..." Kachirou sputtered. Katsuo nudged him in the ribs.
"Is somebody hurt?" Momo said.
Katsuo shook his head. "No."
"Not yet," Horio said.
"Is it a bunch of mice?"
"No," Horio said.
"Just tell us!" Kaidoh said.
"It's the ghost!" Kachirou said. "It's back!"
+
In thirty years, when Momo was being inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records and a cute reporter asked him how he managed to create the world's biggest ball of twine, he would definitely lie and not admit that it was the Seigaku Ghost Incident that caused him to change his intellectual hobby from viral video making to collecting string.
For now, he just had to cope. "There's no such thing as ghosts," he said. "It was a trick of the light. Just a trick of the light."
"Where is it?" Kaidoh grabbed the pendents around his neck and squeezed them.
"After it spewed all that ectoplasm, it must have gone in here!" Horio pointed at a storage room door. Katsuo and Kachirou nodded. Kaidoh took a step back.
"You have to do something!" Horio said.
Momo didn't really want to do anything but he figured if he didn't squash the ghost rumours once and for all, Horio and the others would bug him every day. Plus Kaidoh would never be able to play tennis if he had to wear fifty necklaces (plus anklet) onto the court. "Okay!" he said. "Famous Ghost Detectives Momo-chan and Mamushi will investigate."
Kaidoh froze and some of the colour drained out of his face, like adding mayonaise to ketchup. But he clenched his jaw and stepped forward. Which Momo had to admit was admirable, considering.
"Be careful," Kachirou said.
Momo opened the door. The first year kids moved back until they were almost against the far wall. It was a storage room for cleaning supplies, not very big, shelves across two walls and a bunch of brooms and buckets along another. He flicked on the light and stepped in. "Come on, Junior Ghost Detective," he said to Kaidoh. "No need to be afraid."
Kaidoh hissed and stepped inside. His eyes closed nearly to slits and Momo wasn't sure if he was glaring or just trying to not look. This could be kind of fun, after all.
Momo found a good space on a shelf and propped up his phone against a can of furniture polish. Maybe he'd get lucky and Kaidoh would freak out at some dust motes or trip spectacularly over a mop. "Where's the ghost, then?"
"It won't appear if there are too many people around," Horio said. And shut them in.
Behind the door, Momo could still hear the first years: What if the ghost gets them? Then we'll have to take their places on the team!
"I think they're trying to get rid of us," Momo said. Kaidoh was holding those necklaces again and muttering something under his breath. Either a magic charm or plans for his revenge on Momo for dragging him into this, although it was really Horio who had dragged them both in. Momo rubbed his empty stomach, in case that would make it feel less empty, but all it did was make it gurgle loudly.
Kaidoh jumped ten centimetres. "What was that?"
Momo laughed. "The ghost of my stomach. It just died of starvation."
"Shut up," Kaidoh said. He looked around, like the ghost might be hiding inside a bucket or behind a bottle of window cleaner.
So Momo shut up, even though on principle he didn't like doing what Kaidoh told him to. Because the sooner Kaidoh was satisfied there was no ghost, the sooner they could convince Horio there was no ghost, and the sooner Momo could get back to planning a non-ghost viral video starring Kaidoh Kaoru.
But after about three to five minutes of shutting up, Momo was bored and so hungry that he thought his body was beginning to consume all his muscle tissue, which Inui had told them could happen if you ate too few calories. "There's clearly no ghost," he said, just as the lights started to flicker.
Kaidoh jumped again.
"There's lots of reasons for the lights to flicker." Momo took a step back, the better to see what those reasons might be, and bumped into Kaidoh.
"It's getting cold," Kaidoh said.
"No, it's not." But it was, kind of cold and clammy. A drop of sweat rolled down his face and that was cold too.
A soft scratching noise began, an echo-y, tinny rasp that was all around them. Momo's scalp prickled and his skin puckered. His knees went wobbly, like the joints had turned to a viscous, gelatinous substance.
He took another step and his back was against a shelf and Kaidoh was clutching his hand and the room smelled like garlic and grape jelly.
More sweat slid down Momo's back. Kaidoh's shoulder pressed into Momo's when he breathed, which was loudly and often. The air was frigid. The scratching got louder. Kaidoh's fingers clutched tighter.
Momo took a deep breath. "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable--"
An inhuman shriek pierced the air. Kaidoh dragged Momo away, fumbling with the doorknob, and Momo's one spare braincell remembered to grab his phone just before Kaidoh pulled him through the door and back out into the hallway.
The first years gaped up at them. Momo swiped his arm across his forehead. "It's a ghost."
+
It wasn't until halfway through his second afternoon class that Momo remembered to feel hungry. Because there no way that a creeping chill and a sinister scratching and a ghastly shriek had been a trick of the light. So, Momo's fake ghost and unintentional ectoplasm had made the real ghost mad about impostors. Or that rumour about the tennis player and the pile of racquets was true.
Either way, it was a problem. And due to Momo's big mouth, it was the problem of Momo-chan and Mamushi, Famous Ghost Detectives. Maybe Momo's mother had a point, after all.
Of course, just because it was a ghost didn't mean they couldn't deal with it. They just needed to do what professional ghost detectives did: examine the situation, get some ghost-removal equipment, and take out the spirit, all while looking ruggedly handsome and devil-may-care. Which was no stretch for Momo and maybe even Kaidoh could step up. He wasn't exactly rugged and devil-may-care, but he was persistant and had decent-looking hair. Even if he had been so scared he'd had to hold Momo's hand. Momo flexed his fingers -- they were a little sore, actually, from being gripped so hard.
And maybe Momo could get the whole rugged ghost extermination process on video and viral fame would be his.
He reached for his phone to check the video from lunch, but froze when his math teacher looked over, gently tossing a piece of chalk like she was about to whip it at his head, which had actually happened more than once. Instead, she made him solve a problem on the blackboard and that was even worse.
She kept him for the whole break, lecturing him on how he needed to apply himself. At least she didn't tell him it was for his own good, like all his other teachers, just that if he didn't, she would kill him.
Maybe they could call her in for backup if the ghost went on a rampage.
+
"Mamushi!" Momo waved at Kaidoh as he came out of the school gates. It was hard to catch him after tennis now that he was avoiding the club room.
Kaidoh gave Momo a nod.
"Do you want to, uh, watch the video?" Momo said.
"What video?"
"From the storage room," Momo said. "I recorded it on my phone. Probably."
Kaidoh scratched his wrist. "Do g-- do those things show up on video?"
Arai walked past with Ikeda, probably bragging about about Cat In Box or Cat In Sink or Cat Doing Absolutely Nothing. It was animal exploitation.
"I think animal exploitation is wrong," Momo said.
Kaidoh looked at him like he was wondering if Momo had been possessed by the ghost after all. Then he shifted his bag on his shoulder. "Come on."
Momo followed, even though they hadn't decided where to go. They ended up at Kaidoh's house, in Kaidoh's room, with snacks provided by Kaidoh's mom, who was super-nice and not at all grouchy, unlike some moms Momo could name.
"You've got a big room," Momo said. Big enough for free weights and a small couch and a big TV. And weird bunches of twigs or something hanging over the door. More of those necklaces Kaidoh had started wearing were on the dresser. And on the table in front of the TV, a copy of the ghost book Horio had. Momo knew it wasn't the same one, because Horio's was stained with grape jelly. Also, it was in Momo's bag right now.
Kaidoh pushed the snacks toward Momo. He didn't take any himself.
Momo hooked up his phone to the TV. "Once we see the video, we can plan how to get rid of the...you know."
Kaidoh didn't answer. Momo's stomach twisted a bit and even though he had had two less lunches than usual today, he wasn't all that hungry either. It was one thing to tell scary stories in the summer, but an actual ghost was completely different. He took a deep breath and switched on the video. Let's see what was so frightening that Kaidoh had to hold Momo's hand to cope with it.
There were no emanations or visitations or luminous presences on the video. Just the creepy noise, the flickering lights. And Momo grabbing Kaidoh's hand.
Well, shit. Momo wanted to replay that bit, because it had to be wrong. But also he didn't want to draw attention to it, in case it was right.
"It's probably a poltergeist." Kaidoh opened the book to a marked page.
Of course it was okay to be a little scared of a ghost, because it was a ghost. But it was not okay to be the most scared.
"We should use the Spirit Jar. We need a small jar with a lid and..." Kaidoh hit Momo in the shoulder. "Are you listening?"
"Sure, sure." Momo tried to focus on the book and the words and the serious ghost business. "So, we should find some special anti-ghost weapons."
"Just the jar," Kaidoh said. "Don't you know anything about ghosts?" He got out a bundle of dried weeds and untied them. "We add a few of these and the ghost will get trapped inside the jar."
So, not only was Momo more chickenshit than Kaidoh, he was an inferior ghost detective too. What next? Kaidoh was a secret viral cat video mogul?
"You're in charge of getting the jar." Kaidoh closed the book. "Make sure it's big enough."
"Can I have that piece of string?" Momo said.
+
Momo yawned. He'd been up late on purpose reading the ghost book and then up late not on purpose thinking about ghosts. Who knew they could possess you and cause you to fade from existence? But probably this ghost was one of the troublesome but non-possessing ones. Anyhow, the great Ghost Detectives would remove the ghost before that was an issue.
He went to line up for bread. At least he'd been able to eat lunch during class today. There was Kaidoh in the line again, for some reason. His necklaces had increased to four today. Momo sauntered up to him. "Hey," he said.
"I'm not letting you cut." Kaidoh scratched his wrist. It was getting pretty red.
"You're no fun." Momo jingled the change in his pocket. "So, how about I give you the money and you buy the bread for me."
"No cuts," the girl behind Kaidoh said.
"Jeez." Momo headed to the back of the line.
"Did you bring the jar?" Kaidoh called.
"Of course, of course!" Like Momo would show up for Ghost Detecting unprepared. The jar would be fine. Probably. It still smelled of his mom's potpourri but that would just make it more attractive to the ghost. They would trap it and then get rid of the jar and everything would be great, except for when Momo's mom found out her potpourri was gone.
"Don't be late," Kaidoh growled, passing with his yakisoba bread.
"Don't be stupid." Not one of Momo's better come-backs but he was tired and hungry. Anyhow, he was saving his awesomeness up for the ghost removal. No more chickenshit handgrabbing from Momo. No more sweaty palms and fight or flight.
Someone jabbed him in the back. "Aren't you going to order?"
They were out of yakisoba bread.
+
There was a small crowd outside the storeroom door. And a sign on the door: Keep Out Ghosts. Momo wasn't sure if that was supposed to be "keep out because there are ghosts inside" or "keep ghosts out of our storerooms" or "ghosts, keep out, this means you" but it pretty much worked on all those levels.
"Are you going to get it today?" Horio said. "The classrooms are getting really dirty because no one will get the cleaning stuff out."
"Who do you think you're talking to?" Momo said. "We're the Famous Ghost Detectives!" He handed the jar to Kaidoh. In retrospect, Momo realized he should have actually gone out and bought a mysterious jar with mystic symbols on it instead of painted violets. Also, he shouldn't have forgotten his phone in his desk. Shit.
Kaidoh sniffed the jar. "Is this where you keep your perfume?" He got out the weeds and crushed them into the jar. The weeds were stinky. Kaidoh's hands were shaky.
Momo's hands were completely steady, but his stomach felt like it was full of wriggling worms instead of melon bread. Brave and true, he told himself. Even if there's no camera. Brave and true. "Ready?"
Kaidoh nodded.
"Stand back!" Momo opened the door and flicked on the light. Nothing emanated or exploded so he stepped in. He checked the corners and shelves for evidence of ghosts. "Clear!" he yelled.
Kaidoh came in, holding the jar out in front of him like it was a bomb.
"That's not a bomb, is it?" Momo swung the door closed.
"I thought you were going to read that book, not just look at the pictures." Kaidoh set the jar down on another shelf with the lid beside it. "Now the chant."
"Chant?" The light started flickering again and Momo looked behind him. Nothing there.
Kaidoh looked around too, then held out a folded piece of paper. "We have to read it together." Momo moved in next to Kaidoh. Kaidoh took a breath. "Okay--go."
The characters flickered on the page and Kaidoh's writing was too damn small. Momo stumbled over a line of nonsense words. "Shit."
The paper crinkled under Kaidoh's fingers. "We have to start over. Concentrate."
"Just a--" Momo yanked the page away and read over it three times. "Okay." He held it out and Kaidoh took hold of the other side.
Halfway through, the scratching started again. Momo's hair stood up on the back of his neck and even though he told them not to, his knees went all ectoplasm-y again.
Kaidoh clutched his pendants and his voice cracked but he didn't stop chanting. The scratching got louder. Momo chanted louder. Scritch, scritch, scritch, all around them, like an army of raspy insects crawling over the walls, like a million rats gnawing through the floor. Like a ghost coming to get them.
They came to the end of the charm. Momo let go of the paper and it fluttered to the floor. Kaidoh took a deep breath and his shoulder bumped against Momo. "Now, the lid."
The lights went out.
Momo grabbed Kaidoh's hand.
He didn't care, they were in the dark with a ghost, maybe a million ghosts, and if that made Momo the junior apprentice errand boy to the great ghost hunter, right now he just didn't care.
A drop of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. Kaidoh's bracelet jabbed into Momo's wrist. The scratching turned into a scrabbling. Kaidoh squeezed Momo's fingers and they stood there, stupid and scared, like they were the last ones alive, like they had no way out. "The lid--" Kaidoh whispered. "It has to be off."
"Okay." Momo didn't move. "I'll..."
"No, I will." Kaidoh didn't move either.
A yell from outside drowned out the scratching. "I THINK THEY'RE DEAD!"
Momo lunged at the shelf and knocked the lid off the jar. He pulled Kaidoh to the door, yanked him through the door, slammed the door behind them. They stared at each other. Kaidoh's face was red and his forehead was wet.
"Do you think it will work?" Momo said.
"I don't know," Kaidoh said and let go of Momo's hand.
+
"Hey," Momo said.
Kaidoh kept doing practice swings. "Hey." He had a pretty good grip, actually.
Did Kaidoh ever play left-handed? Momo didn't think they ever had, not together. He tried to remember if Kaidoh batted left or right but it was too long since their classes had played softball. "Maybe we should ... go over the ghost stuff some more."
"We have to give it a day to work." Kaidoh slung his towel over his shoulders, holding the ends with both hands. How were his fingernails so clean? It was kind of creepy. But maybe Kaidoh thought Momo's fingernails were yucky.
"So," Momo said and he thought his mother would be proud of him for having nothing at all to say.
"So." Kaidoh picked up his bag.
"So."
"I have to go running," Kaidoh said and turned and ran away.
Momo watched him go. His palms tingled. The hair on the back of his neck pricked up. His breath caught in his throat. Maybe he was haunted.
Or maybe there were scarier things than ghosts.
+
"Here." Momo handed Kaidoh the yakisoba bread.
"Thanks." Kaidoh's lunch box was on his desk, though, and it was full.
So getting up early to stop at the convenience store before school had been just a waste of Momo's time. Well, except for getting to eat bread in both his morning classes. "Sure." Momo took a bite of his own bread.
"I'll be there in a few minutes." Kaidoh looked away.
Jeez, ungrateful much? "Don't hurt yourself rushing." Momo sauntered away, very casual, like he didn't care, which was easy, because he didn't. At the door, he turned around to see if Kaidoh noticed that Momo didn't care.
Kaidoh was handing his lunch box to another kid. The kid handed something to Kaidoh. Momo ducked out of the classroom. Damn, if Kaidoh was going to trade his lunch away, he could at least have given Momo first refusal.
Momo leaned against the wall and finished his bread, not that there was much left. He should never have given the extra to stupid Kaidoh.
"Hurry up," Kaidoh said, when he came out, like he was in charge. He'd added yet another necklace today and they flopped and tangled as he walked.
"Did you even eat?" Momo un-leaned himself.
"I'll eat later." Kaidoh headed for the first-year building, with Momo trailing behind him.
Fine, Momo thought. The sooner this was over, the better.
"Wait." Kaidoh grabbed Momo's wrist.
"Hurry up, wait, make up your mind."
Kaidoh held up Momo's hand. Maybe he was inspecting Momo's nails, which Momo had actually scrubbed that morning, but which already had flecks of bread and dust underneath them.
"Is this a hygiene check? Is the ghost a neat freak?"
"Shut up." Kaidoh pushed a bracelet over Momo's hand, like the one he was wearing.
It was just as itchy as Momo thought it would be. "Um..."
"It's a charm." Kaidoh looked away. "Against ghosts." He let go and started walking again.
"Thanks," Momo said.
+
The lid was on the floor. Kaidoh picked it up and put it on the jar.
"What now?" Momo asked.
"That's it," Kaidoh said. "We just have to bury the jar somewhere."
"How about the Fudomine tennis courts?"
Kaidoh snorted.
"So, no more ghost." Momo looked around the room. It didn't look like the sinister location of an eerie haunting. Just a cleaning closet. He reached out, hesitated, then put his hand on Kaidoh's shoulder. "No more ghost detectives."
Kaidoh didn't answer. He just stood there, looking down at the jar in his hands. Momo could see the tag sticking up from the back of his shirt.
At least Momo would have more time for his viral videos now. This time, maybe he'd focus on Eiji. Instead of Kaidoh.
"I should go," Kaidoh said. "We can leave the jar here until after school." He put it back on the shelf.
"I should go too," Momo said. "I'm a busy guy." He still had his hand on Kaidoh's shoulder. It was warm under his hand, Kaidoh was a hot-blooded guy. And Momo's fingers were kind of-- "Is it getting cold in here?"
"No." Kaidoh shivered.
The lights flickered. There was a horrible screech.
As they were scrambling terrified out the door, Momo realized he was smiling.
+
Momo crumpled up the paper cone and tossed it into his wastebasket. "Two points!"
Kaidoh was still eating his shaved ice. The corners of his mouth were purple. Maybe Momo's were red. He tried to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror, but they were sitting on the floor and the angle was wrong.
They were supposed to be planning what to do next about the ghost, which was why they were in Momo's room. The shaved ice was because it was hot and Momo was hungry. Momo leaned back on his hands. It was still hot. He wasn't quite looking at Kaidoh. Kaidoh wasn't quite looking at him.
Momo couldn't think of anything to say. He couldn't think of anything to say and the sun was on the floor behind Kaidoh and Kaidoh looked...nice. A trick of the light, Momo told himself. A trick of the light.
The ghost book was open between them. Momo bent forward to look at it. His wrist itched from the bracelet and he scratched it. Kaidoh bent forward too and their arms brushed together. The hair prickled up on the back of Momo's neck and his gut turned over and he was afraid, but he had the bracelet to protect him so he leaned in. He leaned in and he kissed Kaidoh on the mouth.
Kaidoh stared at him, like he'd stared at Momo lots of times before, usually right before he punched him. Momo braced for impact. Then Kaidoh closed his eyes.
Momo closed his too and only got Kaidoh's bottom lip this time but Kaidoh shifted and Momo jostled and they got their mouths together, warm, a little wet, completely terrifying. Kaidoh smelled like garlic and tasted like grape and he put his hand on the back of Momo's neck for just a minute.
"Shit," Kaidoh said, when they were done, which was hardly complimentary, but before Momo could be offended, he saw the rest of Kaidoh's shaved ice. On top of the open book.
"It was already purple," Momo said and went to get a rag.
+
Kaidoh put the bowl down on the shelf. "Um." He didn't really look at Momo.
Momo didn't really look at Kaidoh either. "Wait until I get the camera set up." If the exorcism worked, Momo would have a viral video for sure. And if it didn't, well, maybe then people would at least know why there were three ghosts in the storage room.
"First we put the things into the bowl, then we add the herbs," Kaidoh said. "Then we burn them."
"Then the cleaning supplies blow up." Momo taped the Parrot to the shelf. It was still listing a bit to the side, but it should be good enough. Ghost videos always had a weird angle, anyhow.
"Then the ghost appears and we turn it with the charm."
"Why don't we have guns?" Momo fiddled with the phone some more. Because when he turned around, he was going to be alone with Kaidoh and that was making his stomach jumpy even before the ghost turned up. "I saw a show where guys shot ghosts with guns."
"Come on."
Momo turned around. Kaidoh was staring straight ahead. He wasn't pale like usual. In fact, he was kind of pink. Momo grinned. "Okay, let's go."
They took turns adding things to the bowl: a piece of chalk, an old math exam, a ticket from last year's cultural exhibition, a piece of bread from the school store. A small piece. A scrap of Momo's first-year uniform.
"How do we even know the ghost was a student here?" Momo said.
Kaidoh lit a match and dropped it into the bowl. The math test flared up. The cloth began to smoulder. And they waited.
Nothing happened.
Momo still wasn't looking at Kaidoh and Kaidoh still wasn't looking at Momo, but Momo felt like they were, like they were staring straight at each other and the air between them was filled with jumpy tension lines. Momo's skin pricked up in goosebumps. His knees went swimmy. His forehead went sweaty.
Kaidoh took his hand. He didn't grab it, he bumped his hand up against Momo's and his fingers nudged at Momo's fingers and Momo opened his hand and Kaidoh's fingers slid between Momo's. Momo closed his eyes.
He was going to count to ten. And then he was going to turn to Kaidoh and he would, well, he knew what he would do. One...two... His palm was sweating onto Kaidoh's. Three...four... The room smelled like smoke. Five...six... Kaidoh's fingers tightened around Momo's. Seven...eight... Momo's armpits were sweating through his sports-strength antiperspirant. Nine...ten...
Momo opened his eyes. He turned to Kaidoh. Kaidoh looked at Momo. Momo took a deep breath.
The ghost jumped onto Momo's face.
There was a clang and a screech and a ghost ON HIS FACE. He also heard a scream, but that turned out to be him.
"It's on me! It's on me! It's on me!" Momo clawed at the ghost. The ghost clawed at him. Momo screamed again and flailed his arms. He connected with something solid.
Then it was gone. There was a bang. And Kaidoh, sitting on an overturned bucket. The bucket was screeching and scratching. One side of Kaidoh's face was red.
"You caught the ghost!" Momo held out his fist.
Kaidoh bumped it. "It's a raccoon," he said. "It came out of the vent."
"Of course." Momo wiped his face on his shirt. "There's no such thing as ghosts."
+
On his way into school, Momo spotted the kid who was eating Kaidoh's lunches. "I hear you've got some charms to sell."
"Sure," the kid said. "This is a great one -- protects against both ghosts and vampires." He held out a silver necklace with a green star.
It was exactly the same as the one Momo's sister got from the 100 yen store. "You're Suzuki, right?"
The kid nodded.
"Thanks," Momo said.
+
"Inui-senpai said the raccoon was chewing on the wires, so it made the lights flicker and the aircon malfunction." Kaidoh hooked his fingers through the wire fence. Behind it, Fuji and Inui were playing a practice match.
"I suspected all along." Momo took a sidelong glance at Kaidoh. The side of his face was all purple. Momo hoped he would blame the raccoon. "And the, uh, ghost in the club room turned out to be just a balloon someone left there. I think it was Echizen. So it's okay to go in there."
Kaidoh stared at the court. The necklaces were gone. He was still wearing that scratchy bracelet, but then, so was Momo.
"And the ectoplasm was fake," Momo said. "There's this guy Suzuki in your class who's been tricking you..."
Kaidoh scowled. "That jerk."
Momo considered offering to hold Kaidoh's bag when he dealt with Suzuki, but it was probably smarter to stay out of it. In case any inconvenient questions were raised.
Fuji served an ace. Momo cheered. Everything was turning out okay. Kaidoh didn't know about the ghost pranks, the raccoon was caught, and Momo hadn't had to get a bunch of rabies shots, just one for tetanus. But still. Momo scratched his wrist. "Hey, after practice..."
"I'm going running."
"Sure." Momo tugged at the bracelet. Stupid itchy useless thing.
"Um...after supper..."
Momo glanced over. Kaidoh's face was now purple and pink. Momo grinned. "I could come over."
"If you want." Kaidoh looked straight ahead.
"Okay." Momo bumped his shoulder against Kaidoh's, just once, then went for a drink of water.
"Are you sunburned, Momo?" Eiji said. "Your face is pink!"
"Just a trick of the light," Momo said. "A trick of the light."
+
Momo edited out the hand-holding and posted the Boy Attacked By Raccoon video. He got 892 hits. Arai's Cat In Paper Bag video got 3000.
On the way to Kaidoh's house, Momo found three pieces of string.