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Honesty can be quite awkward, and often times un-welcomed. Still, selfishly speaking, it grants a certain peace of mind to those who embrace it (or try to, anyway).
OK, question: how important/necessary/worthful is it to tell someone who has inspired a certain emotion or inspiration in you? Before any of you answer, let me explain exactly what I'm referring to:
I've written some poetry (of whatever quality); while I haven't been as prolific as some people I know, I still have managed to use quite a spectrum of people in my life as inspiration at one point or another. I've used women (some of you reading this, even) as a springboard for imagery, since thus far I seem to have only fallen in love with the idea of one day falling in love (getting laid wouldn't be bad, either; hell, poems including the theme or topic of sexuality have found their muses in some of you as well). Now, I haven't told most whom this applies to that they have played this role in my creative process, since I foresee that knowledge of their existence in my creative process would suggest to them that I have some sort of developed romantic interest in them (which almost always is not the case; obviously, if you have inspired me - hell, if you're in my life - then there is at least something in you that I find attractive, to whatever degree and in whatever capacity; that notwithstanding, I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable by causing them to assume that there is something more than admiration, observation, and friendly affection there). I'd like to let them know that they have given me the gift of inspiration, but I worry that it will cause undue assumptions and unnecessarily awkward situations (though, not all awkward situations or negative, or unnecessary).
I feel that (as all of you probably feel) I am always changing, in some respect or another. Sometimes these changes feel like freedom - and many times those changes in particular are catalyzed by specific people and events. From what I've observed in those whose lives coincide with mine, when these types of changes occur due to a close friend, the changed person will rush to pour out the good news to said friend; when the catalyst is someone not as close, however, it is often the case that the catalyst is left unaware of their affect. Is this fair? Should we not share this bit of good news and growth with the person responsible for planting it or reaping it within us? Is it better to keep the distance between us, rather than share something so sacred and vulnerable with someone we may or may not be able to trust with that news?
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In other news: There are a good amount of people in my life whom are leaving in the next few days for some chunk of the summer (myself included). I wish you all the best in your endeavors at these programs, I hope you all have a hell of a good time, I hope that we can still keep in touch while we're scattered about the country (at least through E-mail, maybe through lj as well), and I hope you all come back in one piece :). I love you, and thank you for being in my life (this goes for others who are staying at home as well, but I thought I'd mention it here since it applies to those I'm speaking to).
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Buk, on the act of love-making: "Sex is only great if your not getting any." Cynical, or comforting? Maybe a bit of both? Maybe there's more to the sentence than its surface value likes to show. What I take out of that sentence is that the idealized image of sex, as some indescribable, heavenly experience is usually a mirage - and that only those who don't experience it (or don't experience it too often) tend to believe in that faux image of it (which is a statement that makes a lot of sense to me). Personally, I have trouble with promiscuity for one very simple reason: any sexual act, whether it be full-out love-making or a derivative of sex, is made infinitely better by intimacy and emotional connection, and can be made infinitely worse when it's wrought by pessimism and the like. I'm not saying that a fling can't be fun, or even constructive at times; generally, though, I've come to the conclusion that intense passion seems to spring most deeply when these moments are shared with someone whom I sincerely care about. It still gets hard to fight off the loneliness at times, though; I honestly can't wait for someone to come into my life and shake it up with her presence. I want to know what this romantic love everyone worships really is; I want to not just understand it objectively, but to really, fully feel it. I guess I've got more than enough time to get around to that, though.
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Well, I think that's enough for tonight. Please help me out with some responses to any of the above posed question and musings - it'd be much appreciated :).