So Depressed
Today my heart is heavy. I admit that it could be hormones, but today I am so low. My ex-husband called me today. It was a civil discussion. He agreed to pick up the kids Tuesday evening prior to Thanksgiving, so that is good. He is planning on paying for Annie's babysitting class through the Red Cross, so that is good as well. He also paid for Jimmy to go to convention. He will have a wonderful time, and I'm excited for that. He promised to send a card to Wal-Mart so I can buy new clothes for the kids. Still not sure if it will actually come.
But, that is something. All good things, right?
So why do I feel so hurt and powerless? Probably because I haven't seen a cent since June (and not really anything before that), and I am aware (unbelievably so) that this brief burst of generosity may be the last I see for a long, long time. Maybe because I feel like he's still in control, hundreds of miles away. Even though I have fought, and won, to have control of my body and person... He still holds sway over me. Why? Because he knows that hurting the kids causes me pain. A burst of generosity on his part makes him the savior, instead of the guy who is just doing his part.
He says the VA denied my claim. My guy at the VA says not to worry, and tells me that we just need to get the facts. I'll have recourses even after a denial. But it's been almost two years already. The whole thing seems hopeless.
Christmas is coming. I just don't know what we're gonna do.