Confession
Preface: This is a bit hard to write. It's something I'm ashamed of, but I feel needs to be said in public.
My skin picking addiction hasn't just hurt me. I also pick at my cats: the skin around their cuticles, their claws when they're peeling, their chins when they have zits or blackheads. What I am most ashamed of, however, is that I did this to Sugar. When I would pick at Sugar's claws, she'd get neurotic about cleaning them, so neurotic that she'd clean them too much and end up with an infection. After this happened twice, I resolved to change: not to stop picking at her claws, but to do it as often as I could get away with without encouraging her to overly clean them. In her final weeks, she began to get blackheads around her mouth. I would squeeze those, even though she'd protest and was clearly uncomfortable. On her final day, I was checking her claws and paw-pads. I started picking at her right index claw, stopped myself, and thought, "What am I doing?"
Instead of getting a tattoo to honor Sugar, I will honor her by breaking this addiction. Every time I get the urge to pick, I'll think about how I caused her pain, discomfort, and irritation when she was dying. I'll remember what I did to her, my baby girl, and I will stop.
My skin picking addiction hasn't just hurt me. I also pick at my cats: the skin around their cuticles, their claws when they're peeling, their chins when they have zits or blackheads. What I am most ashamed of, however, is that I did this to Sugar. When I would pick at Sugar's claws, she'd get neurotic about cleaning them, so neurotic that she'd clean them too much and end up with an infection. After this happened twice, I resolved to change: not to stop picking at her claws, but to do it as often as I could get away with without encouraging her to overly clean them. In her final weeks, she began to get blackheads around her mouth. I would squeeze those, even though she'd protest and was clearly uncomfortable. On her final day, I was checking her claws and paw-pads. I started picking at her right index claw, stopped myself, and thought, "What am I doing?"
Instead of getting a tattoo to honor Sugar, I will honor her by breaking this addiction. Every time I get the urge to pick, I'll think about how I caused her pain, discomfort, and irritation when she was dying. I'll remember what I did to her, my baby girl, and I will stop.