argh

[funkyzanzara]

I can't find the diary I kept Junior year. Nothing quite like losing an extremely embarrassing account of your failtastic life to make you feel good.

Somewhere someone is clearly reading it out loud to all their friends and laughing at me.

Comments

[w00t11]

Yeah, I particularly like how in Spring semester you start out all nihilistic and then by the end of April you're so happy. Examples:

"2/3/05

Dear Diary,

It always this time of year that Simon's Rock is in abundance of two things: snow and mindless sheep. It is as if the drop in temperature brings about a drop in IQ as well. These 'people' that run around, trying to amuse themselves with their mental masturbation, circle jerking all about Foucault and whatever else they talk about to feel superior to everyone else.

I do not know why I interact with these 'people' on a daily basis. It is all so pointless, this existence. What have I to gain to from these 'individuals'? Nothing. They are of no worth to me. I feel as if every begrudging mind numbing conversation I have with them lowers myself. Who are they to talk to me?

It is pointless, actually. They will die and nothing will change. Why can they not see this? Stupid 'people'. They mean nothing. Why do they place such importance on themselves when in the grand scheme of things we are nothing but a collective dot in existence, a barely noticeable footnote in time? Fools. They know nothing."

"4/30/05

Oh, what a wonderous day it has been again! I glance at the calendar and I can hardly believe that is has already been 3 weeks since we have been together.

'We'. A tantalizing version of 'us' that is so powerful I cannot find myself within it. Just 'us'.

However, all is not well. We must keep the relationship a secret, we feel. They wouldn't understand us, I don't think. Oh, it's so painful! Every day, I nearly let it slip. It is as if I am a spy, keeping a secret and living a lie among those I call friends. I have nearly told Sam on many occasions, but I have been careful. My tongue gets tied and I pretend it's something else, something trivial. Nothing could be less trivial than this feeling.

If they only could see our love, then they would understand. If only they could see us together and know that two people could possibly be that happy, they would have to understand! Alas, I do not know if they will be so kind. In time, though, I feel they will know.

Around campus I can barely contain myself from running due to happiness or anxiety from not having seen him yet. I can barely stop myself from shouting from the balcony of the dining hall at lunch, "I am in love, Simon's Rock! I am in love and I can do anything. It is wonderful!" I am the happiest person on the earth and I can only share it with one other person. It is enough, at least. All I need is him.

Yesterday, while on the internet, I was researching, dare I say it, wedding dresses. Yes, I know. Me! A wife! It's preposterous, but I couldn't help myself. I had been daydreaming about the future, which seems so bright and rife with possibilities all of a sudden. Where would we get married? Perhaps somewhere warm. Florida? California? The Bahamas? That would be lovely, a wedding on the shore, the ocean behind us in each picture. Would my family be willing to fly out? Would his? It does not matter, we are in love, not them. Our wedding will be wherever we want it.

I went through my clothes the other day, and found a white dress. I pretended it was my wedding dress, we were just married and having our first dance. I spun around in my room, clutching the dress to my body, laughing like a fool the whole time. To think, me, Mrs. Brendan Leahy!"

[funkyzanzara]

DEAR VINCENT I THINK I MIGHT BE MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCERELY ALLISON XOXOXOXOX

[w00t11]

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I LOOKED THROUGH THE 2005-2006 FACEBOOK TO FIND A NAME. Among the choices were: Patrick Long, Packy, Zach Wilbur, Nate Anderson, Dave Loeser, Brian Carmody, Tim Cama, Max Hill, Jake Rudolph and Victor Mateas. I felt I made a good choice.

Secretly I enjoy the second paragraph/line from the second entry.

I also secretly want to do weekly entry updates.

[w00t11]

It's a good idea. Except for when someone's angry at someone else and makes a really scathing entry. Even then, though, it'd still be funny.

Or I could make it my thesis and have a group of people write fake entries of everyone else and then show the fake entries to the real people and have them react and compare how people think of themselves vs. what they think other people think of them vs. what other people actually think of them.

But for now I think Allison diary fanfiction is a good idea.

[funkyzanzara]

A resounding yes.

Though for the record and everything, Laura and I think Nate were the actual lj-defilers, I just encouraged them and screencapped it for posterity. <3

[branza]

That screencap was mos. def. ftw. Also, Brendan Leahy wasn't so bad. But he is not a pretty man.

[w00t11]

I didn't know you were into men who loved to cough.

[akaidaitoryo]

Vincent, ARE YOU DEAF? Chris Werter has asthma. It's not so much coughing she likes, as guys with respiratory problems in general.

[funkyzanzara]

And Ben had asthma too! We have hit on some sort of kink of Camelia's here!