(no subject)
Crucial venting. Seriously it's not gonna make sence to anyone, but I need to get it out or I think I might explode.
I never vent like this. Never.
So just bear with me...or skip over it...
I'm having second thoughts about everything tonight.
And I'm not allowed to have second thoughts because it's too late to back out now. I can't stand when people judge me before they actually take the time to come up to me and talk. Sorry beecause I'm not so outgoing and in your face like some of the people there. But that dosen't make me a bad person...at least not last time I checked. The guys are so much nicer. Guys judge you on first glance, but at least they don't completely cut you off without talking to you first.
FUCK that girl. Way to be two-faceed and be all friendly with me one day, and ignoring me and snapping at me the next. Yeah, you get to dance with him, fine. Don't fucking rub it in my face the whole time. And don't talk down to me like I'm beneath you or something, because I'm fucking older, and I never did ANYTHING to you to be talked to that way. Don't get angry with ME because you don't know the steps, and I'm trying to be nice enough to show you what to do. FUCK THAT. Maybe if you payed attention instead of complaining the whole time, you wouldn't need my help.
And there's 3 of them. THREE. 2 of them are wayyyy too good for me, I feel like I should be honored just to be in the same room as them. No chance in hell for someone like me...ever. And the one, who perpetually confuses the hell out of me. And I think I could possibly have him, but every time it gets close, I run away. Because I'm scared...and it dosen't feel right. The first two...absolutely beautiful. Perfect in every way the word can be applied. But they know it. Why in God's name would they ever even take the time to LOOK at me? They wouldn't. Never in a million years. And it kills me....absolutely fucking kills me.
I don't have time to sleep. I don't have time to eat. My daily routine consists of school, homework, make dinner for my family while doing homework, eat a banana if I have time, more homework, sleep for about 2 hours. Throw in a rehersal a few times a week, Church saturday and sunday, and work, and that's my life. I think I'm the only person I know who dosen't get to sleep in...ever. 5:00 wake up every single fucking morning.
Only one of my college applications is completely filled out. I haven't gotten reccomendations yet, or started writing my essays.
I can't even remember it all.
I'm so sorry. Never again I promise.
I need to cry.
And I need a hug.
Badly.
I never vent like this. Never.
So just bear with me...or skip over it...
I'm having second thoughts about everything tonight.
And I'm not allowed to have second thoughts because it's too late to back out now. I can't stand when people judge me before they actually take the time to come up to me and talk. Sorry beecause I'm not so outgoing and in your face like some of the people there. But that dosen't make me a bad person...at least not last time I checked. The guys are so much nicer. Guys judge you on first glance, but at least they don't completely cut you off without talking to you first.
FUCK that girl. Way to be two-faceed and be all friendly with me one day, and ignoring me and snapping at me the next. Yeah, you get to dance with him, fine. Don't fucking rub it in my face the whole time. And don't talk down to me like I'm beneath you or something, because I'm fucking older, and I never did ANYTHING to you to be talked to that way. Don't get angry with ME because you don't know the steps, and I'm trying to be nice enough to show you what to do. FUCK THAT. Maybe if you payed attention instead of complaining the whole time, you wouldn't need my help.
And there's 3 of them. THREE. 2 of them are wayyyy too good for me, I feel like I should be honored just to be in the same room as them. No chance in hell for someone like me...ever. And the one, who perpetually confuses the hell out of me. And I think I could possibly have him, but every time it gets close, I run away. Because I'm scared...and it dosen't feel right. The first two...absolutely beautiful. Perfect in every way the word can be applied. But they know it. Why in God's name would they ever even take the time to LOOK at me? They wouldn't. Never in a million years. And it kills me....absolutely fucking kills me.
I don't have time to sleep. I don't have time to eat. My daily routine consists of school, homework, make dinner for my family while doing homework, eat a banana if I have time, more homework, sleep for about 2 hours. Throw in a rehersal a few times a week, Church saturday and sunday, and work, and that's my life. I think I'm the only person I know who dosen't get to sleep in...ever. 5:00 wake up every single fucking morning.
Only one of my college applications is completely filled out. I haven't gotten reccomendations yet, or started writing my essays.
I can't even remember it all.
I'm so sorry. Never again I promise.
I need to cry.
And I need a hug.
Badly.