A Treatise Towards Men
I have often said that I have had the incredible fortune to be surrounded by wonderful men in my life. Not to downplay the also wonderful women, but too many people have too many negative experiences with the men in their lives. This is for the good ones, and I suspect they are more common than many might think.
It all started the day I was born. My dad made it clear to me that I - along with my siblings - was one of the most important things to him, second only to my mom. He fully admitted that he hadn't been a good father to his first family, and I always saw the conscious efforts he made to be a better dad to us. Sure, he had his issues, just like everyone, but he tried. Until the day he died, he was always trying. I will never forget that.
I had two wonderful brothers. I have an amazing husband. I probably couldn't have asked for a better step-father, both in how he manages to step-parent in spite of being our peers (in age) and also in his wonderful relationship with my mother. All these men have wisely used their time in this world to improve things they saw as shortcomings or flaws, and to become better versions of the men they wanted to be. At the same time, they haven't sacrificed their innate self-identities in order to do so. This is what I consider a great person, regardless of gender.
So why does it matter that they're men? Why make that a point of interest? Well, I also consider myself a feminist. I am very much in favor of the advances women made in the 20th century for their equal rights. I don't believe that my genitals make me more fit for any job, besides the hypothetical ability to bear and nurse children. I don't believe that women are blubbering idiots incapable of making logical decisions just because of our menstrual cycles.
But my feminism extends to men. I don't think that their genitals make it necessary for them to be sole bread-winners, to be emotionally shut off, or to control women. As a feminist, I want men to also be allowed to be whatever they want to be.
I have recently been, because of random life circimstances, the primary financial earner in my tiny family. It's hard! Not just working; I'm actually working less hours than I did when my husband and I both had steady streams of income. It's the pressure. If I don't go to work, we might not have enough money for our basic necessities. I don't say this to complain. But it does make me wonder how men have managed to handle all this for so long.
For centuries, men couldn't just grow up and be whatever they wanted. They couldn't just choose when to leave home and get married. They had to make sure they owned a house (and more recently, at least one car), had a steady stream of income to support a wife and as many children as she could. If the wife died, he had to remarry quickly, just so there would be someone to care for the children; besides the fact that society would have frowned on him "mothering" his own children, he wouldn't have time or any training. Most men with maternal instincts have been bred out of existence because it wasn't evolutionarily viable.
Added to this pressure was the fact that it wasn't - and frequently still isn't - acceptable to complain. Or to feel like this was something you weren't allowed to hate. Showing emotion is not something we still find acceptable in our men. While it is probably a leftover from times when hand-to-hand combat was a regular occurence, it's the emotional equivalent of an appendix. There are definitely times when overt expression of emotion isn't ideal, but this is true for women all women.
So is it any surprise that men were resistant to the societal changes of the women's suffrage movement? Should we as women be offended that we were resented for trying to take away the only thing men had been socialized for centuries to do? Further, should we really be shocked that the pent-up emotions men carried with them frequently ended in physical and emotional abuse of their wives and children? Women spent a century trying to get the same power as men, but withouth relinquishing any of their own. Power over home life is still predominantly held by women. Power to show emotion is held by women. We have jobs, respect and power taken from men, and justly so. But we haven't allowed men to take up the slack. The worst part of this, in my opinion, is that we took these things, without understanding of their side, and we in turn blamed them for everything.
A life where you're expected to provide all physical needs of your family, you're never allowed to complain, and then inevitably you're blamed for something that wasn't your fault, but evolution's. I feel enormous empathy. And, again, a huge amount of gratefulness towards all the men in my life who have been good men and who continue to be. Thank you.
It all started the day I was born. My dad made it clear to me that I - along with my siblings - was one of the most important things to him, second only to my mom. He fully admitted that he hadn't been a good father to his first family, and I always saw the conscious efforts he made to be a better dad to us. Sure, he had his issues, just like everyone, but he tried. Until the day he died, he was always trying. I will never forget that.
I had two wonderful brothers. I have an amazing husband. I probably couldn't have asked for a better step-father, both in how he manages to step-parent in spite of being our peers (in age) and also in his wonderful relationship with my mother. All these men have wisely used their time in this world to improve things they saw as shortcomings or flaws, and to become better versions of the men they wanted to be. At the same time, they haven't sacrificed their innate self-identities in order to do so. This is what I consider a great person, regardless of gender.
So why does it matter that they're men? Why make that a point of interest? Well, I also consider myself a feminist. I am very much in favor of the advances women made in the 20th century for their equal rights. I don't believe that my genitals make me more fit for any job, besides the hypothetical ability to bear and nurse children. I don't believe that women are blubbering idiots incapable of making logical decisions just because of our menstrual cycles.
But my feminism extends to men. I don't think that their genitals make it necessary for them to be sole bread-winners, to be emotionally shut off, or to control women. As a feminist, I want men to also be allowed to be whatever they want to be.
I have recently been, because of random life circimstances, the primary financial earner in my tiny family. It's hard! Not just working; I'm actually working less hours than I did when my husband and I both had steady streams of income. It's the pressure. If I don't go to work, we might not have enough money for our basic necessities. I don't say this to complain. But it does make me wonder how men have managed to handle all this for so long.
For centuries, men couldn't just grow up and be whatever they wanted. They couldn't just choose when to leave home and get married. They had to make sure they owned a house (and more recently, at least one car), had a steady stream of income to support a wife and as many children as she could. If the wife died, he had to remarry quickly, just so there would be someone to care for the children; besides the fact that society would have frowned on him "mothering" his own children, he wouldn't have time or any training. Most men with maternal instincts have been bred out of existence because it wasn't evolutionarily viable.
Added to this pressure was the fact that it wasn't - and frequently still isn't - acceptable to complain. Or to feel like this was something you weren't allowed to hate. Showing emotion is not something we still find acceptable in our men. While it is probably a leftover from times when hand-to-hand combat was a regular occurence, it's the emotional equivalent of an appendix. There are definitely times when overt expression of emotion isn't ideal, but this is true for women all women.
So is it any surprise that men were resistant to the societal changes of the women's suffrage movement? Should we as women be offended that we were resented for trying to take away the only thing men had been socialized for centuries to do? Further, should we really be shocked that the pent-up emotions men carried with them frequently ended in physical and emotional abuse of their wives and children? Women spent a century trying to get the same power as men, but withouth relinquishing any of their own. Power over home life is still predominantly held by women. Power to show emotion is held by women. We have jobs, respect and power taken from men, and justly so. But we haven't allowed men to take up the slack. The worst part of this, in my opinion, is that we took these things, without understanding of their side, and we in turn blamed them for everything.
A life where you're expected to provide all physical needs of your family, you're never allowed to complain, and then inevitably you're blamed for something that wasn't your fault, but evolution's. I feel enormous empathy. And, again, a huge amount of gratefulness towards all the men in my life who have been good men and who continue to be. Thank you.