Long time no write...yeah, yeah....the wait is worth it!
I'm a big fan of including lots of fiber in my diet. It makes things taste yummy, while not making you uncomfortably full. It's good. Last week I made a batch of Fiber 1 muffins from a box mix, and they were as delicious as expected, and I knew I wanted to make more.
So tonight on our way home, I dropped Joe off at home to let Lily out, and I went to Wal-Mart to buy more muffin mix. I only had a few items, so I chose the express lane with the fewest people in line, as most of us do when in similar situations. Unfortunately, the young woman in front of me (who was, incidentally, wearing more makeup than Edward Cullen in the recent "Twilight" movie...she probably would have lost that last pesky 5 pounds if she washed her face) decided to try and cash a payroll check. Despite her insistence that she does this "every month", the checker, and subsequently the customer service representative who was called in, it was apparently not kosher to do so, at least in this particular case. Just as she was insisting on bringing a more senior staff member to clarify the situation, my phone rang in my coat pocket. It was Joe.
"Hey, are you still at Wal-Mart?"
"Yes," I said.
"We need dog food."
"Oh, ok. Bye." I was actually relieved to be leaving my place in line. I didn't want to be the asshole who just up and left because I was pissed, and the need for dog food was just the diplomatic excuse for which I was looking.
I put my few items in a cart and went back to the dog food aisle, and picked out Lily's brand and type. It was a 32 lb bag, but I had no trouble putting it in the cart. Then I wheeled back to the checkout lines, this time choosing a "normal" lane. Unbeknownst to me, Methuselah's sister was the checker in my new-found lane, and she was still grasping the idea that more than one item could be put into a bag. By the time she got to my purchases, 20 minutes had gone by, and there had been only 2 customers in front of me.
Finally, I had paid and was on my way outside, to the fresh parking-lot air. The wind was blowing its arctic breeze, and I was going home! At the car, I put the groceries into the back seat, and then lifted the dog food bag to put it behind the passenger seat.
You know how dog food bags have that little strip that says "pull here" and when you do, the bag quickly opens? Did you know that the other end of the bag is sealed with some anti-adhesive glue? Well, I learned this very quickly, as I pulled the bag, pull-strip side up, to lift it into the car. I soon felt it quickly get magically lighter as all the dog food burst from the other end of the bag all over the parking lot.
I vaguely remember yelling, "SHIT!" and then staring at the now-empty bag still held in my freezing hands. Then I noticed a woman across the parking lot, just exiting her mini-van.
"Hey, you know if you take that bag in, they'll replace it."
"Really?!" I was relieved, because we really didn't have the money in the budget for yet another $30 bag of dog food. So I took the bag in to customer service, getting pitying glances from all passers-by.
After I told them my heart-wrenching story, they said it was no problem to just get another bag, bring it to customer service so they could approve it -- i.e., put a black-dot sticker on it -- and everything would be hunky-dory. I did just that, making sure to be extremely careful with the non-pull-strip end of the bag when I put it in the cart.
"Do you need help getting this into your car?" asked the kind customer service lady...girl...child, really.
"Oh, no. I'll be just fine."
Was I fine, ladies and gentlemen? WAS I?!?! Verily, I was not. I was just pulling up the dog food bag, non-pull-strip side up, this time, when it split again, and began to spill onto the now-growing pile of dog food by my rear passenger-side tire. Fortunately, I caught it just in time, and only a little was lost.
Just as I was yet again lifting the bag, a couple walked past and the man said, "Hey, you know if you take that in they'll probably replace it."
No shit, I thought. Out loud I said, "Oh, I know. This is the second time this has happened tonight!"
"They'll probably replace it anyway."
"Honestly, I've been here for an hour, and I just came for a couple of things. I can't go back in there or I might kill someone!"
He laughed, and said, "You could probably put some of that food that's on the ground into some Wal-Mart bags and take it home."
The idea had already occurred to me. "Yeah, I was just getting ready to do that."
"Would you like me to go get you some more from inside?"
Dear, God, no. That place is cursed! "Oh thanks!" Big smile. "But I'll be just fine. I have some bags in the car."
"Ok. Good luck!"
I began scooping the mess into a bag and dumped it into the open dog food bag now residing behind my passenger seat. After about the third bag-full, a woman across the parking lot sees my troubles, and says, "I don't know what happened, but whatever it was, I bet if you go inside they'll replace it!"
I was beginning to get quite hysterical by now. I can really understand how some people go crazy. "Thanks, but this is the second time this has happened, and I really just want to go home!"
"Oh, ok. Good luck!"
I filled the Wal-Mart bag a couple more times, and then gave up. I'm never buying the dog food again. Joe will just have to do it himself from now on.
So tonight on our way home, I dropped Joe off at home to let Lily out, and I went to Wal-Mart to buy more muffin mix. I only had a few items, so I chose the express lane with the fewest people in line, as most of us do when in similar situations. Unfortunately, the young woman in front of me (who was, incidentally, wearing more makeup than Edward Cullen in the recent "Twilight" movie...she probably would have lost that last pesky 5 pounds if she washed her face) decided to try and cash a payroll check. Despite her insistence that she does this "every month", the checker, and subsequently the customer service representative who was called in, it was apparently not kosher to do so, at least in this particular case. Just as she was insisting on bringing a more senior staff member to clarify the situation, my phone rang in my coat pocket. It was Joe.
"Hey, are you still at Wal-Mart?"
"Yes," I said.
"We need dog food."
"Oh, ok. Bye." I was actually relieved to be leaving my place in line. I didn't want to be the asshole who just up and left because I was pissed, and the need for dog food was just the diplomatic excuse for which I was looking.
I put my few items in a cart and went back to the dog food aisle, and picked out Lily's brand and type. It was a 32 lb bag, but I had no trouble putting it in the cart. Then I wheeled back to the checkout lines, this time choosing a "normal" lane. Unbeknownst to me, Methuselah's sister was the checker in my new-found lane, and she was still grasping the idea that more than one item could be put into a bag. By the time she got to my purchases, 20 minutes had gone by, and there had been only 2 customers in front of me.
Finally, I had paid and was on my way outside, to the fresh parking-lot air. The wind was blowing its arctic breeze, and I was going home! At the car, I put the groceries into the back seat, and then lifted the dog food bag to put it behind the passenger seat.
You know how dog food bags have that little strip that says "pull here" and when you do, the bag quickly opens? Did you know that the other end of the bag is sealed with some anti-adhesive glue? Well, I learned this very quickly, as I pulled the bag, pull-strip side up, to lift it into the car. I soon felt it quickly get magically lighter as all the dog food burst from the other end of the bag all over the parking lot.
I vaguely remember yelling, "SHIT!" and then staring at the now-empty bag still held in my freezing hands. Then I noticed a woman across the parking lot, just exiting her mini-van.
"Hey, you know if you take that bag in, they'll replace it."
"Really?!" I was relieved, because we really didn't have the money in the budget for yet another $30 bag of dog food. So I took the bag in to customer service, getting pitying glances from all passers-by.
After I told them my heart-wrenching story, they said it was no problem to just get another bag, bring it to customer service so they could approve it -- i.e., put a black-dot sticker on it -- and everything would be hunky-dory. I did just that, making sure to be extremely careful with the non-pull-strip end of the bag when I put it in the cart.
"Do you need help getting this into your car?" asked the kind customer service lady...girl...child, really.
"Oh, no. I'll be just fine."
Was I fine, ladies and gentlemen? WAS I?!?! Verily, I was not. I was just pulling up the dog food bag, non-pull-strip side up, this time, when it split again, and began to spill onto the now-growing pile of dog food by my rear passenger-side tire. Fortunately, I caught it just in time, and only a little was lost.
Just as I was yet again lifting the bag, a couple walked past and the man said, "Hey, you know if you take that in they'll probably replace it."
No shit, I thought. Out loud I said, "Oh, I know. This is the second time this has happened tonight!"
"They'll probably replace it anyway."
"Honestly, I've been here for an hour, and I just came for a couple of things. I can't go back in there or I might kill someone!"
He laughed, and said, "You could probably put some of that food that's on the ground into some Wal-Mart bags and take it home."
The idea had already occurred to me. "Yeah, I was just getting ready to do that."
"Would you like me to go get you some more from inside?"
Dear, God, no. That place is cursed! "Oh thanks!" Big smile. "But I'll be just fine. I have some bags in the car."
"Ok. Good luck!"
I began scooping the mess into a bag and dumped it into the open dog food bag now residing behind my passenger seat. After about the third bag-full, a woman across the parking lot sees my troubles, and says, "I don't know what happened, but whatever it was, I bet if you go inside they'll replace it!"
I was beginning to get quite hysterical by now. I can really understand how some people go crazy. "Thanks, but this is the second time this has happened, and I really just want to go home!"
"Oh, ok. Good luck!"
I filled the Wal-Mart bag a couple more times, and then gave up. I'm never buying the dog food again. Joe will just have to do it himself from now on.