where the hell has my life gone? and where is it going?
i'm totally at a loss when it comes to explaining myself lately. i'm thinking about life...not on my own free will, it's just kinda been thrown at me. performing my last show at circus and having that graduation cereomony was hard. i will miss circus a lot. but i wasnt just thinking about that on saturday night. i was thinking about so many things. so many things that i've had, that i have and that i could have in the future. it's all so crazy to me. i'm moving out in 2 and a half months. i'm a little excited i'm not gunna lie, but i'm also really scared. the future is so unknown to me. i have things that i hope will happen and work out, but who knows what i'll actually be dealt. when i think about the future i always think about the past. as i was sitting there in the chair in the middle of the arena with crying people all around me i was thinking to myself "whoa, how different are things now than they were 2 years ago...or even a year ago." i mean, i think of how i had pictured that night in my mind before...and it really wasnt close to what i pictured. so when i picture what FSU will be like, i'm worried that it wont be even close. i can't help it. it's all feeling weird to me. i feel a little more normal now...but the past 3 days have tried my emotions...and they are weak. and i dont understand why i can be so "blah" when everything is going so well. my friends are amazing and i'm having so much fun, nate and i are great, i have tons of fun things planned that i'm looking forward to, school is as fine as it can be, family is nothing out of the ordinary...but i find myself discontent. i hope that i get out of this funk soon. i'm sick of thinking.