Is there anyone there...?
Something Ash said got me thinkin. she said that she has nevr had to be there for me because im always so chill. No. Im not chill. I only make myself appear chill. I always have problems and thoughts screaming in my head. Shes right...she never has to be there for me cause i nevr go to her. I dont go to anyone really. I dont think any of my friends have evr seen my cry. Thats because i keep it all locked up. She also said i never have any major crises. I always have major crises. Just none i feel are important enough to bother people with. So i keep it and try to work it out myself. To me when i cry im showing a weakness, that it just makes me want to be stronger. When i see other people cry they seem more human than me. Yea i got to them(my friends) for advice on stupid little stuff like crushes and things, but nothing ever personal. Im always there for my buds though. Ash, Cat, Cassie, and even Tina. I want to and always will be there for them no matter what. I wish i was more open. I know it sounds kinda dumb but one of my (smaller) goals in life is to have one of my friends see me just break down and bawl. Not because of anything physically, but emotionally. I want someone to see some emotion in me. Everyone always says "How come Chelsea never talks?" "How come she always seems so depressed?" "Why doesnt she ever make an effort to talk to or meet new people?" Its because im scared. Scared of putting myself out there, scared of life itself. Because i never know what can happen next. I need help. I understand that. So if any of my friends are willing ill let you know when my next major crises has erupt. I promise to come to someone this time. I want someone there for me. OK... srry for being so pathetic in all that i just needed to get it all out. Well im gonna go an try to have a happy day. Well actually i will later on me and Ash are going to a movie. First i gotta babysit though, so ill catch you all lata. luv ya all and for always. ~chels~