Dark days
So.....I didn't get that prized part in the play....because apparently theater in binghamton is about popularity, who you know, and how many fucking shows you've been in even if you have less talent then some less-known theater students. I didn't realize that I was on broadway and that new people can't have a fucking chance. I didn't have time to sulk over it much because I had to write a big paper yesterday but I've been feeling like a big baby all day. But I hid it well. I'm starting to seriously wonder whether I have what it takes to be in such a competitive field. And I think I know the answer. NO. I am not. I do not want to spend the rest of my life fighting tooth and nail over a bullshit side role because I'm too tall or not thin enough or too fucking redheaded. NO NO NO. I spent the day wanting to firebomb the fine arts building. When I saw the girl who got the part, I had the urge to rip her hair out. But I digress...
Also, Steve thinks he has the flu, poor baby, and seems to be getting tired of me rather often. I can't help it he's one of the few things I love about binghamton. I hardly see my friends here, some of them because they would rather not see me and others just being as busy as I am. And I am TRYING my hardest in these last days of the semester to make plans with my theater friends because we have similar schedules and they arent sick of me yet. So I love him a lot. But he said it first, and I am very easily affected by that beautiful 4 letter word. Ok, I'm exxagerating things. He never said he was tired of me. And he still makes tons and tons of time for me. But he needs time to himself. And my time to myself is spent being depressed because Binghamton promotes seasonal depression with it's 335 days of grey cloudy nasty weather a year. Those other thirty days? SNOW. It snowed again, but the rain washed it away today.
Steve's roommate is still fucking the old lady(must not mention details cause its a secret) but I heard them and jesus christ that woman thinks she is in a porno. Me and Steve stood there listening and laughing for a good five minutes. Then we contemplated yelling out "how old are you" through the door. Not like I have any right to mock those who fuck around with more mature individuals. cough michael cough. Wonder what he is up to. Not that i could ever call him.....right? No, thats bad. I will not give in to strange temptation.
Why oh why am I watching the spice girls movie?
I am trying to fill this entry with as much useless bullshit my head can spew out because I have a massive headache from all the crap going on, or not going on in my life right now.
Have you ever had the experience where you talk with someone a couple of times, and form an acquaintance and there is always this level of bullshit? Like you never get beyond that acquaintance type thing? And then suddenly you guys hang out for real, or you talk about something sincere and you think- now this person is my friend. IT's a great feeling to find another person in the world who you aren't just tossing around the bullshit with. I wish I could find that level of sinderity with everyone, but I guess some people don't deserve it. Fuck em. Right now my motto is fuck the world.
With the following exceptions:
YOU
how come i always forget that sex and the city is that and not sex IN the city? Dunno.
I guess my head has released some crap cause I lost that headache. FREAKY. bye
Also, Steve thinks he has the flu, poor baby, and seems to be getting tired of me rather often. I can't help it he's one of the few things I love about binghamton. I hardly see my friends here, some of them because they would rather not see me and others just being as busy as I am. And I am TRYING my hardest in these last days of the semester to make plans with my theater friends because we have similar schedules and they arent sick of me yet. So I love him a lot. But he said it first, and I am very easily affected by that beautiful 4 letter word. Ok, I'm exxagerating things. He never said he was tired of me. And he still makes tons and tons of time for me. But he needs time to himself. And my time to myself is spent being depressed because Binghamton promotes seasonal depression with it's 335 days of grey cloudy nasty weather a year. Those other thirty days? SNOW. It snowed again, but the rain washed it away today.
Steve's roommate is still fucking the old lady(must not mention details cause its a secret) but I heard them and jesus christ that woman thinks she is in a porno. Me and Steve stood there listening and laughing for a good five minutes. Then we contemplated yelling out "how old are you" through the door. Not like I have any right to mock those who fuck around with more mature individuals. cough michael cough. Wonder what he is up to. Not that i could ever call him.....right? No, thats bad. I will not give in to strange temptation.
Why oh why am I watching the spice girls movie?
I am trying to fill this entry with as much useless bullshit my head can spew out because I have a massive headache from all the crap going on, or not going on in my life right now.
Have you ever had the experience where you talk with someone a couple of times, and form an acquaintance and there is always this level of bullshit? Like you never get beyond that acquaintance type thing? And then suddenly you guys hang out for real, or you talk about something sincere and you think- now this person is my friend. IT's a great feeling to find another person in the world who you aren't just tossing around the bullshit with. I wish I could find that level of sinderity with everyone, but I guess some people don't deserve it. Fuck em. Right now my motto is fuck the world.
With the following exceptions:
YOU
how come i always forget that sex and the city is that and not sex IN the city? Dunno.
I guess my head has released some crap cause I lost that headache. FREAKY. bye