Conversation with G-d
That conversation was one of the most relaxing ones that I've ever had. Not to mention one of the longest in which I've been the one doing the talking. It was roughly 40 minutes I believe. I talked throughout the duration of Enigma's MCMXC a.D. minus a couple of seconds at the beginning of the CD, so that's roughly 40 minutes. Before I continue I'm going to say that after giving it much thought, I've decided to personify G-d as a male. I know that G-d's Word says that all human life was created in G-d's image, but I just get this feeling that G-d needs to be personified as a male. So yeah, that cleared up I'll continue.
My conversation started off with reconciliation. I asked His forgiveness for living somewhat of a lie. I have to admit that I tend to make up for many of the things that I lack with lies. For example, when there's something that I wish I'd said in an arguement with one person but didn't actually say, I'll tell someone else that I said that thing. A lot of the things that I say I've done stem from a wish that I had done those things. I know that it's not right for me to do such a thing, but I wish so much to be perfect for people, and that's the only way I can see myself being perfect for people. However, now that I've broke this out to people, I'm anything but perfect. I'm just this scared little person huddled in a fetal position in the darkest corner of his room.
I said many of those things to Him this morning (the conversation was during the 4th hour of the day). I asked His forgiveness for not being as devout to Him as I know that I could be. I asked His forgiveness for straying from my path with Him. Finally, I asked Him, in a very prolonged request, to please guide me and help me answer my questions. I asked Him to help me sort out myself as a human being because I don't believe that I can do it on my own.
Finally, I asked Him to watch over various people. I asked Him to watch over Kylie, and to protect her from all of the bad things that might happen to her. If it were decided that she had to experience any more pain in her life, I asked Him to explain to her why He did so. I asked Him to help her understand why I said the things that I said to her. I was almost brought to tears during this request.
I asked Him to watch over all of my other friends and their families
I asked Him to watch over Chris and Manny, and to protect them from any more evil. It's funny, I don't know if they've ever met before, but they're alike in a couple very distinct ways. One would be rude to talk about, but the other two distinct ways are awesome things.
I asked Him to watch over George. Even though he did something that I don't think was right, I still care for him on some level.
I asked Him to watch over Alex. I asked G-d to reunite me with Alex soon as well, because I really miss him.
I asked Him to watch over Kim and James as well.
The last person that I mentioned was RJ. We had an...interesting night on Christmas Eve. It wasn't anything sexual, let me assure you. It was just a bunch of comforting words, in depth talks, and interesting forms of flirting. I had fun that night, and I thought that he did as well. However, since that night he hasn't been online. He said that he hadn't been on recently because of finals that were going on. It's possible that they're still going on. He also said something about his parents. I thought he said that they were coming over for Christmas, but it's possible that I misread and instead he went to stay with them for a little while. That would explain his lack of appearance. It's also possible that he simply can't get online because he just doesn't have the time or because the internet is down in his building or something. I think that happened once before. What I'm really scared of though is that I scared him away. He's such a great friend, and despite the fact that I doubt that this is the case, I can't rule it out, and that frighens me. Anyway, that's the last person that I mentioned specifically. Everyone else was simply mentioned by name. I was really tired at the time, and I knew that Marty would be getting up soon, so I had to kinda cut it short.
Anyway, that's how my conversation with G-d went. I'm still waiting for a responce. It's possible that this might take awhile seeing as I have damage to fix. I just hope that He responds soon.
My conversation started off with reconciliation. I asked His forgiveness for living somewhat of a lie. I have to admit that I tend to make up for many of the things that I lack with lies. For example, when there's something that I wish I'd said in an arguement with one person but didn't actually say, I'll tell someone else that I said that thing. A lot of the things that I say I've done stem from a wish that I had done those things. I know that it's not right for me to do such a thing, but I wish so much to be perfect for people, and that's the only way I can see myself being perfect for people. However, now that I've broke this out to people, I'm anything but perfect. I'm just this scared little person huddled in a fetal position in the darkest corner of his room.
I said many of those things to Him this morning (the conversation was during the 4th hour of the day). I asked His forgiveness for not being as devout to Him as I know that I could be. I asked His forgiveness for straying from my path with Him. Finally, I asked Him, in a very prolonged request, to please guide me and help me answer my questions. I asked Him to help me sort out myself as a human being because I don't believe that I can do it on my own.
Finally, I asked Him to watch over various people. I asked Him to watch over Kylie, and to protect her from all of the bad things that might happen to her. If it were decided that she had to experience any more pain in her life, I asked Him to explain to her why He did so. I asked Him to help her understand why I said the things that I said to her. I was almost brought to tears during this request.
I asked Him to watch over all of my other friends and their families
I asked Him to watch over Chris and Manny, and to protect them from any more evil. It's funny, I don't know if they've ever met before, but they're alike in a couple very distinct ways. One would be rude to talk about, but the other two distinct ways are awesome things.
I asked Him to watch over George. Even though he did something that I don't think was right, I still care for him on some level.
I asked Him to watch over Alex. I asked G-d to reunite me with Alex soon as well, because I really miss him.
I asked Him to watch over Kim and James as well.
The last person that I mentioned was RJ. We had an...interesting night on Christmas Eve. It wasn't anything sexual, let me assure you. It was just a bunch of comforting words, in depth talks, and interesting forms of flirting. I had fun that night, and I thought that he did as well. However, since that night he hasn't been online. He said that he hadn't been on recently because of finals that were going on. It's possible that they're still going on. He also said something about his parents. I thought he said that they were coming over for Christmas, but it's possible that I misread and instead he went to stay with them for a little while. That would explain his lack of appearance. It's also possible that he simply can't get online because he just doesn't have the time or because the internet is down in his building or something. I think that happened once before. What I'm really scared of though is that I scared him away. He's such a great friend, and despite the fact that I doubt that this is the case, I can't rule it out, and that frighens me. Anyway, that's the last person that I mentioned specifically. Everyone else was simply mentioned by name. I was really tired at the time, and I knew that Marty would be getting up soon, so I had to kinda cut it short.
Anyway, that's how my conversation with G-d went. I'm still waiting for a responce. It's possible that this might take awhile seeing as I have damage to fix. I just hope that He responds soon.