emotion overload
hey y'all...i am currently working but regardless, i am just bubbling with excitement and anxiety; butterflies are just raging in my stomach...simply put, i am suffering from some kind of emotion overload...
this guy that i have crazy feelings for is coming back during his school summer break...it's been 5 months since i last saw him in person, we didn't really talk, or text, or anything of that sort during this period apart...reason(s) to that is/are unknown to me...i conversed a little in the beginning when he just left, but it kinda died down and i just took it as it is...he ain't no boyfriend of mine yet so...even if he is, i have a feeling i would be cool with it?
anyhoos, little update if you guys are somehow lost (because i failed to update you guys on it previously)...
during his last visit, we confessed and kissed...which he later destroyed the whole romantic atmosphere by saying that 'it's complicated'...
i know, i know...to some of you that's like the gi-normous red flashing light signaling for me to just jump off the boat...
i guess he just needs more time to sort his feelings out...he suffered a heartbreak a year back...to him, it's a traumatic incident (at least i think it is, or i'm just overtly empathatic), and thus the whole 'it's complicated' comment...
i prefer to look on the brighter side of this comment:
he just hasn't sorted out his feelings and doesn't wish to 'accidentally' make me his rebound...
i don't know if i have really fallen for him or it's just some strange prolonged infatuation...all i know for now is that when i think of him it's just bittersweet...
sweet because when i think of his smile, how he says certain pet phrases, i would just find myself smiling shyly...
when i think of the moment when he reached for my hand, had his fingers intertwined with mine, and said '...i am never letting go...' with a slight squeeze...
*crap! i am smiling now...
but...there's this tinge of sorrow somewhere...
i keep asking myself the what ifs...
mainly it's 'what if it was all just a lie?'
like he unintentionally did/said those things because of the 'heat of the moment'...he thought it through and thinks that we're not going to work out...
technically, that wouldn't be that bad of a thing, at least he's got his feelings sorted out...
GRAH!!!~
like it said bittersweet...
which brings me to this question or rather people have been asking me this question...
am i waiting for someone or i'm just not on the lookout for a boyfriend?
i guess i am somehow waiting for him...you guys can pretty much guess from what i have written above ya...
maybe because i am somehow waiting for him, i have switched off my guy-radar...like i know there are some great guys out there that i know of but i just can't bring myself to just 'hey, i like you, can we hang out?'
so, i guess what i am hoping for from his return this time round is that he asks me to be his girlfriend...haha...
that would be the best but realisticly, i just hope that he has his feelings sorted out and tells me what kind of relationship we are having...hopefully it isn't anywhere near 'complicated'...
ok, the butterflies have subsided a little...i really didn't mean to make this entry this heavy and kinda sad... =X
it just came out that way...
and good lord,
i
am
HUNGRY!!!~
LUNCH TIME!!!~
till then, peace out~
this guy that i have crazy feelings for is coming back during his school summer break...it's been 5 months since i last saw him in person, we didn't really talk, or text, or anything of that sort during this period apart...reason(s) to that is/are unknown to me...i conversed a little in the beginning when he just left, but it kinda died down and i just took it as it is...he ain't no boyfriend of mine yet so...even if he is, i have a feeling i would be cool with it?
anyhoos, little update if you guys are somehow lost (because i failed to update you guys on it previously)...
during his last visit, we confessed and kissed...which he later destroyed the whole romantic atmosphere by saying that 'it's complicated'...
i know, i know...to some of you that's like the gi-normous red flashing light signaling for me to just jump off the boat...
i guess he just needs more time to sort his feelings out...he suffered a heartbreak a year back...to him, it's a traumatic incident (at least i think it is, or i'm just overtly empathatic), and thus the whole 'it's complicated' comment...
i prefer to look on the brighter side of this comment:
he just hasn't sorted out his feelings and doesn't wish to 'accidentally' make me his rebound...
i don't know if i have really fallen for him or it's just some strange prolonged infatuation...all i know for now is that when i think of him it's just bittersweet...
sweet because when i think of his smile, how he says certain pet phrases, i would just find myself smiling shyly...
when i think of the moment when he reached for my hand, had his fingers intertwined with mine, and said '...i am never letting go...' with a slight squeeze...
*crap! i am smiling now...
but...there's this tinge of sorrow somewhere...
i keep asking myself the what ifs...
mainly it's 'what if it was all just a lie?'
like he unintentionally did/said those things because of the 'heat of the moment'...he thought it through and thinks that we're not going to work out...
technically, that wouldn't be that bad of a thing, at least he's got his feelings sorted out...
GRAH!!!~
like it said bittersweet...
which brings me to this question or rather people have been asking me this question...
am i waiting for someone or i'm just not on the lookout for a boyfriend?
i guess i am somehow waiting for him...you guys can pretty much guess from what i have written above ya...
maybe because i am somehow waiting for him, i have switched off my guy-radar...like i know there are some great guys out there that i know of but i just can't bring myself to just 'hey, i like you, can we hang out?'
so, i guess what i am hoping for from his return this time round is that he asks me to be his girlfriend...haha...
that would be the best but realisticly, i just hope that he has his feelings sorted out and tells me what kind of relationship we are having...hopefully it isn't anywhere near 'complicated'...
ok, the butterflies have subsided a little...i really didn't mean to make this entry this heavy and kinda sad... =X
it just came out that way...
and good lord,
i
am
HUNGRY!!!~
LUNCH TIME!!!~
till then, peace out~