i just wanna say that i love you...
hey hey~ i'm back...
many things have been going on in my life but somehow i don't feel alive...it's as though everything seems pointless...maybe it's because i don't have an aim or goal in life as of current...
a few months ago, i had an aim, a goal; i planned to get a Degree from my desired school and then move on to becoming an official art teacher in a secondary school...but both failed and i just feel relatively defeated...i really placed a lot of effort into my portfolio and it just wasn't good enough and that got me doubting myself, life, and everything else...
i know my family is worried for my future but i just can't wrap my head around anything right now...it just doesn't seem to want to move on...i feel like i'm suffocating...i want to carry on with my life and do something meaningful, but what? what? i've always been good in drawing but i've been denied the only thing i think i'm good at...how can i not have doubts?
i seriously have no idea what i am doing...i want so much but am so afraid to go for them...maybe i don't think i am strong enough to deal with the backfires...?
isn't it better to just keep thinking and believing that something is better from afar instead of getting into it and then realizing that it isn't as good as you thought it would be?
argh~ crap~ what is going on with me?
i have to buck up...
i have to just drop all emotions and just do stuff that people think is correct...why live for myself when in the end someone i love keep telling me that my style of living is not right? it's not normal...
as much as i don't want to revert to that state once again, i guess i might have to...just so that it might be easier for my loved ones to accept...i guess sometimes it's just not about people understanding you but you understanding people and just giving them what they want because you love them...
no matter how painful it is, sometimes you just have to rip off that part of you that people don't want to see and hope that it doesn't heal that fast...the tears will eventually stop...all it takes is just time for numbness to set in...
-peace out-
many things have been going on in my life but somehow i don't feel alive...it's as though everything seems pointless...maybe it's because i don't have an aim or goal in life as of current...
a few months ago, i had an aim, a goal; i planned to get a Degree from my desired school and then move on to becoming an official art teacher in a secondary school...but both failed and i just feel relatively defeated...i really placed a lot of effort into my portfolio and it just wasn't good enough and that got me doubting myself, life, and everything else...
i know my family is worried for my future but i just can't wrap my head around anything right now...it just doesn't seem to want to move on...i feel like i'm suffocating...i want to carry on with my life and do something meaningful, but what? what? i've always been good in drawing but i've been denied the only thing i think i'm good at...how can i not have doubts?
i seriously have no idea what i am doing...i want so much but am so afraid to go for them...maybe i don't think i am strong enough to deal with the backfires...?
isn't it better to just keep thinking and believing that something is better from afar instead of getting into it and then realizing that it isn't as good as you thought it would be?
argh~ crap~ what is going on with me?
i have to buck up...
i have to just drop all emotions and just do stuff that people think is correct...why live for myself when in the end someone i love keep telling me that my style of living is not right? it's not normal...
as much as i don't want to revert to that state once again, i guess i might have to...just so that it might be easier for my loved ones to accept...i guess sometimes it's just not about people understanding you but you understanding people and just giving them what they want because you love them...
no matter how painful it is, sometimes you just have to rip off that part of you that people don't want to see and hope that it doesn't heal that fast...the tears will eventually stop...all it takes is just time for numbness to set in...
-peace out-